Maintenance

[Hall84]

Hoping for some wise words! Separated from H in July and am currently with DD at my parents. I am paying them rent.

He is still in our house and I'm paying half the mortgage (but not the bills). Since l moved out he's given me some towards school uniform but nothing else for DD. I'm the very slightly higher earner but by no means a high earner.

Through the summer he did 1-2 nights a week as DD was in nursery by our house. Since starting school he has in theory done every other weekend but no overnights in October.

His solicitor says that he doesn't have funds for maintenance until the house is sold. Ultimately I can't see how he will have more money to pay any maintenance once the sale goes through, even with smaller mortgages the difference in rates means we'll be paying the same as we are jointly now.

So, straight to a csa claim or try and reach agreement (ideally to include the money i should have had once the house is sold . . . )?

CMS all the way! There's quite a wait but you can apply online. Like now. Do it! X

Of course he needs to pay cms
How can he have more funds than you when you are paying rent AND the mortgage and buying all your daughters food and day to day costs

Just go to CMS. The house being unsold isn’t a legitimate excuse since children still cost money in the mean time (childcare, food, clothing etc)

He should be paying all the mortgage if you're not living there - his half and your half in lieu of rent. He should also be paying cm. How much does he earn?

Well, not saying he shouldn’t pay but do you know what his income is and the bills on the house ? Is there actually money left over for him ? If not and cms assess him then he might stop paying the mortgage ?

have you suggested you pay less to him instead ?

its not unusual for arrangements re money to be different during an interim period.

Jane you agreed a settlement split? Is the house on the market?

Thank you! I assumed i would need to keep paying some of the mortgage to keep my share of the equity but, of course, he does get the benefit of living there. The house is going on the market shortly (that's a whole other thread) but even if it sells immediately it will still take a few months to complete and I can't look for my own place until then. I knew that it would be tight whilst the house was sold so would have been prepared to accept less than cms for a short while, but paying nothing is infuriating.

I don't know his exact earnings because of a small pay rise, based on my best guess the cms calculation is ~£300 a month. Fortunately he's not self-employed so it should be more straightforward.

I can't get beyond the fact that your own parents are charging you rent at this difficult time.

@MrsKeats I offered, it's by no means market rent but I didn't want them completely out of pocket for an indefinite period. They've been amazing and I couldn't have managed the last few months without their support.

Keep might be a better term? I give them £x, it covers a contribution towards the household but, for example, they pick up the bulk of the shopping and I don't pay anything separately towards the bills.

I can't believe you are still paying half the mortgage and he still isn't paying cms😲. Stop immediately and go through cms for maintenance. Why doesn't he move out and you move into the family home?

@millymollymoomoo my best guess is that after household bills/mortgage are paid he has approx £900, maybe a bit more. From that there will also be things like mobile bill/travel/shopping/petrol. The car is owned outright so no additional finance payments but he is paying off a credit card bill.

My EXDH is paying half the mortgage until I get his name off it. If your name is on the mortgage then you’re legally obliged to pay half.
He doesn’t pay towards the bills obviously as he’s no longer living here… but he does pay me CM.

You’re not kegy obliged to partake the mortgage. Although will impact credit rating if one party stops and ultimately the mortgage payments are missed.

to those saying he needs to pay 100% of mortgage and cbs - from where? Magic money from think air? If household commitments are based on combined household income and one party no longer paying half ( inc bills) where is the momwy coming from?? £900 sounds a lour but if you want him to pay 300 cms that leaves 600 to pay food, petrol and other things which is not a lot

thus us why separating couples live together while sorting it out

if his cns is only 300 then he’s not a high earner

Neither of us are high earners but both have a reasonable income that should allow us to downsize in cheaper areas. We will both need a mortgage but there is some equity in the house that will allow us both to put a deposit down. I don't want there to be any issues with credit rating.

Unfortunately we weren't able to continue living together whilst the house was sold. The most viable solution seemed to be this one and means the least upheaval for DD in terms of school.

As I said earlier, I wasn't expecting him to pay full figure whilst the house is sold - we both need to live/eat but I am concerned that he sees this as an 'optional' payment so the sooner he gets into the habit of paying something the better.

Sorry but this isn't correct. You are both jointly liable for the whole amount of the mortgage. How you split that between yourselves is up to you. However if one party stops paying and the other can't/ won't make up the shortfall then it would impact both of your credit scores, and therefore the ability of both of you to get a future mortgage.

You need to sit down and discuss, which I appreciate might be difficult

between you you need to agree that while you’re going through the process of separating what bills there are and who pays what. Also a timescale, as the person who is in the fmh often doesn’t have a reason to push ahead quickly.

in addition, you should push to establish overnights pattern - you say eow but none in oct? Why was that? Did he cancel? No available? Dd not wanting to go ?

I have tried to sit down and discuss. His stock answer is that he can't afford it.

I am trying to be reasonable. He initially wanted the house on the market next April but hopefully the pictures will be taken in the next couple of weeks.

October was not typical and came down to a combination of trips, which meant we couldn't swap as easily.

Week 1 - my weekend (visiting friend abroad)
Week 2 - his weekend (he was away with family)
Week 3 - my weekend (family party)
Week 4 - his weekend, half term holiday with me he had agreed to before Week 2
Week 5 - my weekend, we got back Saturday and I offered to drop off to catch up from week 4 but he preferred to wait until the following weekend

DD is 4. She often says that she doesn't want to go but actually has a good time once she's there. My view is that it isn't pay per view and they need to continue their relationship whilst we resolve any issues, including the finances.

Apart from the contribution to school uniform I've covered DDs costs so wraparound, swimming, new clothes etc.

And he’s covered the bills on a house that you legally own and will get your share from.

ultimately you’re in the interim period. And that is tricky as you’re in limbo.

you could open a case with cms. That might result in him paying. It might also result in him Not paying mortgage or other bills. If that’s the case you’ll have to else will default and credit scores impacted.

or he might push for more time with dd to reduce cms ( so dads do although this is by no means the only reason why they want 50:50 )

you might be better to accept that you won’t get cms until you have a formal financial settlement and both of you move into your own places.

or agree a more informal route where he agrees to pay some things

thst doesn’t stop you being clear that your expectation is he needs to contribute to child’s costs and going this will need to be budgeted fir. You want to avoid him stopping paying mortgage while also delaying settlement and sale

If you put in a claim, will he retaliate? He could make the house sale very difficult and drawn out.

I don't disagree he's paying the bills. But he does get the benefit of living there.

The rent/keep to my parents is probably the equivalent if not slightly more than the total bills at fmh on top of which I also have petrol/phone/travel (which has increased) plus all DDs costs.

I want to agree as much as we can between ourselves, hence waiting this long, and I know that what is fair isn't always equal. It just seems unfair that I'm paying him and covering all DDs costs.

School logistics make overnight in the week difficult but not impossible.

He has been unpredictable and ultimately I would like us to get things sorted as quickly as possible so that we are out of the current limbo. There is a risk that he may delay sale of the house but it's unlikely he would risk his credit rating.

What bills?. You mean electricity, gas, council tax etc he is using?.

@Hall84 I think you need to immediately apply for cms. That will make him hurry up and get the house sold. Don't let him get too comfortable

What bills?. You mean electricity, gas, council tax etc he is using?.

@Hall84 I think you need to immediately apply for cms. That will make him hurry up and get the house sold. Don't let him get too comfortable

You can claim CMS and if he is living in the house on his own then he should pay the full mortgage too. If he cannot afford that then the two of you should get on with selling it.

OP are you sure moving out was the right thing. I heard some legal advice that when I moved out of the main home I was deemed ‘adequately rehoused’ and this impacted finances

Yes bill that’s he’s using ( although some things will carry a standing charge)

op doesn’t have those bar a small contribution to her parents.

im not saying he shouldn’t pay. Im saying that when people separate it’s usually simply not possible for one party to pick up 100% of the bills on the fmh ( mortgage + bills) and then pay maintenance on top.

that’s why many couple remain living together while separation happens.

thats why interim financials are agreed and different ones post separation.

op can stop paying mortgage and could claim cms- and most likely watch him default, and affect op credit. Hence they need to come up with a plan, attend mediation, agree settlement etc so they can get to ultimate state rather than period of limbo