How do I tell my husband

[Pennyduke564]

How do I tell my husband that I am leaving him and the martial house and taking the youngest son

Again, they are too young to deal with the drama shit your h creates.

Too young to deal with it effectively.

You need to take them with you.

Can you need get your h to leave?

And please please call the police when he's physically abusive. This sounds so dangerous. The more you tell us, the more it's imperative you and your dcs stick together.

They don't justify his physical abuse, do they?

They have told me that if I leave that they will be staying with their dad because they prefer their dad to me

Do they say why?

Are they not worried he will physically abuse them?

Abusers always need someone to abuse.

He is always spending time with them at weekends and takes them out to his family and friends and mum's house when evey he goes and if I go shopping or food shopping he refuses to come with me and so do they the only one who comes with me is our youngest son

And you've never been included?

What about your family? Can you not take them to see your family?

Is he deliberately excluding you from family events?

I'm sorry. This must be so so hard on you. It's very cruel.

What is every day life with the kids like? Do they chat to you? Seek you out to spend time with you?

Perhaps you could start doing that more with them?

No he doesn't included me in any think and if I go to my family or friends house the older children decide that they are not coming with me yes he is deliberately excludeding me and no the older children don't not talk to me they talk to him and if he is at work they still don't not talk to me I have tried to spend time with them I am a stay at home mum as well I used to work but he told me to give up work and stay at home

@Pennyduke564

Have you posted about this before? It sounds familiar.

I think the best thing to do would be to let your 3 eldest know that they are welcome to come with you, or to join you at any time later should they wish. If their dad truly has alienated them from you then to force them to go with you would only make it worse and chances are at their ages the courts would give weight to their wishes. But do keep communication open, see them often (even if it's not 'pleasant') and reiterate the offer to come live with you.

Do you know why your H has 'isolated' your youngest? Does he have special needs? Was he not planned? It just seems so odd to do that for no reason. Not that there is EVER a good reason, but knowing why may help you to help your son going forward.

As far as how you tell your H, it depends on how you think he'd react. If he'll let you go easily you just tell him it's over and you leave. If he is likely to become physically violent, you leave quietly with no discussion when he's not there. As far as the 3 eldest, you will need to 'time' things so that they don't have time to call their dad and 'tattle' or so there wouldn't be time for him to get home before you're gone.

That's really sad. It seems like you don't have much of relationship with your H. Have you fallen out of love?

It can be really hard to see the children doing this but please remember they are children. It does seem like if you were to split they would want to stay with their dad but you should tell them that you want them with you and they are always welcome to live with you if their mind changes.

No we have not fallen out of love he is always always starting arguments with me and blaming me for anything and everything and he has once before during an huge argument with me packed my suitcases in front of the older children and told me to leave and so did the children

I think you should chat to your GP about your options.

I don't think how you word your leaving announcement matters much, it sounds like he doesn't like you.

The most important thing is minimising the trauma to your kids and getting a job and a house.

Have you spoken to Womens Aid?

@Redplenty I reported your spiteful and inaccurate post.

Try to be helpful.

Op, he sounds vile.

Nothing to do with love there!

So he's poisoned the dcs against you.

All you can do is remain neutral and tell them your door is always open to them.

The fear is of course that once you're gone, he will start on one of tbe remaining dcs.

Have an emergency escape bag at a friends, with bits for both of u.
Just tell him u r leaving and go.

Blasted pimples what do you mean you have reported

The reported a different users post, and it has now been removed.

What sex are the older 3 children?

Leaving the older kids because they don’t take your side is harsh. Splitting up the siblings is harsh.

You need to think about how you go about the divorce. This seems designed to cause maximum impact.

Whilst leaving with just the youngest is not ideal, from your description staying as things are is worse.
So leave with the youngest, quickly and decisively with a firm plan in place.
Tell the other three that you love them and they are always welcome to join you, and repeat this to them often.
Tell the youngest that the others didn't want to come but might change their minds.
They are all old enough to understand if you keep explaining and reassure them that you love them all equally.

You also need to get a job. I know it's prob the last thing on your mind but you need money. Your youngest is at school all day so maybe that is something to consider also.

Personally I think I'd stay until I found work. Then go.

I don't think it's a good idea to stay if the man is physically abusive.

@Pennyduke564 I reported another poster who was being a dick.

Can you call women's aid, lovely? They will have some good advice for you.