What’s fair in settlement?

[Divorce4u]

I was hoping for some independent views as I only have friends and family to bounce thinks off

married 25 years. Started marriage in similar positions but I went part time for kids. He is a high earner. Travels a lot. He must have earnt at least 90% of earned income over the marriage.

financial position
house 1 - v good location and value will hold well. Had to move for family reasons but planned to return so rent it out. Rent covers the smallish mortgage. We did well on the property ladder luckily.
house 2 - less good location and a harder property to sell. Worth just under half of other house.

enough savings to pay off mortgages - I don’t have visibility of how much there is

isa - same each

pensions - similar - his is a bit more

inheritance - my parents have helped us a little towards renovation works. I should have some sort of inheritance (hopefully not for a very long time!) but DH will have nothing

I will struggle to go full time and earn more tbh.

so DH proposal is that I get house 2 mortgage free and keep the ISA and my pension. Instead of maintenance he will pay school fees/costs. I can probably afford the running costs of house 2 but will need to tighten belt and stop paying into pension

so should i push for 50/50 or is he being generous? I worry he won’t support the kids past school so uni etc will fall to me.

He's not even trying to be fair or transparent and this just the beginning, so I wouldn't be surprised if he got nasty. He shouldn't be trying to hide what money is where while trying to guilt trip you to take less. The only one you can rely on now to look after your DC financial future is yourself.

If there is enough money and the family have made that decision to commit to private school it's possible that you can get it added to the financial order that he pays. If he earns above the CMS top you can apply for the court to determine CM. I'm not sure if like other court orders on CM he could apply to CMS 12 months later and go down to the lower amount, but given what income he's on then I'd certainly be going for him to pay private school costs as well as CM.

Think of it this way, if he pays those fees plus CM you can save up to cover some of DC University costs which you said you're not sure he'll contribute too. You might be financial secure on less than 50%, but 50% plus him paying school fees and CM could help you secure your kids futures.

It will make a difference if op ex is on 160k ( just over limit) or way over.

if op ex just over then his cms would be around &1400 a month due 2 chikdren 2 nights a week staying over. If he’s paying for 2 x secondary school fees that’s likely to be 3k ( before car increase which would increase it a significant amount). That’s 4.5k+ a month, which is not likely to be awarded. If he’s in 400k it is.

we don’t know. Nor do we know he’s trying to shaft op as the assumptions on here always are.

when people separate they have to accept lives change and less money to go round.

and things agreed during the marriage while in the marriage cannot always be sustained or maintained.

Honestly if I got 50% of what I know about I would be more than happy and that would give me the financial security to be able to cover all costs I was worried about.

its clear I need to see a solicitor which I will do once I’ve found one!!

I do have one question regarding splitting of assets

• when the houses are split does capital gains/stamp duty arise?
• there are limits on how much can be put into a pension each year - is this overruled if part of the settlement was partly to make my pension same as his?

Don't say you'll pay school fees if you get a higher settlement, they could go up a huge amount each year, have them written down to be covered by him as part of financial order.

Capital gains tax would certainly need to be considered. For example if you lived in house 2 and sold it in 5 years time you are likely to have a CGT liability because it was previously rented out. So the amount of equity you'd be left with could be significantly less than anticipated.

In terms of CGT when you divide up the assets, this link might be useful.
https://www.gov.uk/money-property-when-relationship-ends/tax

You may need the input of a tax adviser, not just a solicitor

Sorry I didn’t mean when I eventually sell. I know all that. I meant more when the settlement happens. Is it deemed I’ve disposed of 50% of house 1 and he’s disposed of 50% of house 2?

or the cgt just rolls forward to when I sell? Assuming gov don’t remove PPR that won’t be a problem I hope!!

edited to add just seen link - will have a look. Thanks

In this situation you really need to fight for what you are entitled to because it's not just now but your future too. You will not have the same opportunities going forward that he has. He is likely to recover financially from the split, you will have to make do. I am left with our child well into her twenties as it's not easy for them to fly the nest these days.

I divorced a high earner and had all the emotional blackmail about it being 'his' money and being a bad person for wanting to take it from him. I also had it from my own family and friends. Ignore! It's internalised misogyny. You have contributed just as much as him.

A court will equalise assets after such a long marriage including potentially awarding you more because of the disparity in incomes and ongoing expenses relating to your children. I have a friend who now regrets backing down over her ex-husband's pension, accepting a small amount of cash. He's sitting pretty in retirement, she's struggling and will need to work forever.

Also it may be fairly amicable now but your husband may resent ongoing maintenance and try to get out of it in future. I had joint lives spousal but got taken back to court after he remarried. It was an awful experience, two years worrying about losing the roof over my head. I ended up with a clean break settlement. He no longer sees his child, not interested and bitter that I got the money. I would recommend a clean break as far as any maintenance for yourself. You can take it as pension share.

Please think very carefully about negotiating away your rights. A good solicitor will be a useful ally in this. You aren't friends with your stbexh. He's looking for the best deal for himself ie not giving you your share especially if you have any feelings of guilt around it.

Op I know you want to believe he's going to be fair but you learn who the real person is when you start divorce proceedings. He can no longer be trusted he is out for himself.

Thanks everyone. I know you are all right!

I don’t suppose anyone has a good suggestion for a n London solicitor to PM me?