Hi Guys,
I have a really, REALLY long story to tell :( I have been with my partner for 12 years. We were together when we were younger but split and then got back together a few years later. We own our house (we have a mortgage still) and have 1 daughter who is 6.
He has always been a drinker. Some days worse than others but I (stupidly) thought he might change once he was a Father. We both work full time and I have had 6 years of the following;
He drinks between 6-10 cans every Friday night at home. On a Saturday he goes out about 11:30 and most weeks now doesn't come home until early hours of the Sunday morning. On Sunday he goes out about 10:30 and comes home about 3:30-4pm. Every time, he is at the pub the entire time. I stay home with our daughter and take her where she needs to go e.g. swimming, birthday parties, to get clothes etc she needs.
I have had one night away in these 6 years (when my daughter was about 10 months old). I can't trust him to have her as he has shouted at her a lot in the past and made her cry. He is very harsh and because she is like him she answers back. He has come close to hitting her before and has screamed in her face and this is just what I have been there for. He said last weekend that he wishes we never had her and she is the worst decision he ever made :(
We recently got my daughter a kitten for her birthday. Last weekend he was angry because I didn't pick him up from the pub when it was raining (I had years of picking him up and waiting outside with my daughter for him, sometimes to say he's changed his mind and he's staying out when I've dragged her out in the cold). He was fuming and he said everything is shit because of the cat. She is a housecat and he said if I had to be out in the rain so should she had chased her and grabbed her to throw her out. I literally had to tackle him to the ground to get him to stop. My daughter said if you don't like it why don't you leave Daddy. The cat, and I, were terrified as he got right in my face and I said you need to leave and he smirked and said don;t you ever f tell me to leave my house again!
He has said he hates the house, hates coming home, has called me a lazy c* on multiple occasions.
He has got mad because I compared him to his Dad and he pushed me down on the bed with the pillow on my face. He said it was nothing and he hardly did anything. He has also had a bad dream in the night where I was cheating on him and woke up and punched me in the chest while I was asleep.
He breaks promises to me and our daughter constantly. He promises her he will come watch her swim, he doesn't. he promises me he will be back at a certain time, he is not. He asks me where his clothes are for work and assumes I should have washed and ironed them, although wouldn't do the same for me.
He says now that the issue is that my Mum is here a lot. I am very close to my family, he is not close to his. My Mum does the school pick up and drop off and had my daughter a lot so I could go back to work full time. I admit she was here a lt, but we changed it to just two nights a week where she has dinner then helps me bath and get my daughter in bed as he wont do that. He wont wash her clothes, he won't iron them, he wont bath her or dry her or help her get dressed.
He has in the past admitted to taking coke and stayed out all night once when I was meant to be going out the next day on my own but I took my daughter with me as he admitted taking it and drinking all night and no way am I leaving her with someone that would do that.
He has now said he doesn't want my family here at all and if they are, he will be in the pub. He has said he is an alcoholic, but I need to help him. I have said he needs to speak to the GP to see what to do next, but he wont. I think it's so he can continue but blame me for it all.
I'm so over it all now. The thing is I have asked him to leave many times and he talks me round. I feel so guilty because he makes me feel like he'll be sad and my daughter was crying and begging me not to make him go the last time so I just gave in.
I'm so tired and need to do what is right for me and my daughter. I don't want her thinking that drinking like that and arguing with a man is the way to have a relationship!
How do i do what is right and how do I stay strong doing it? I have the means to buy him out, but can't make him leave can I? I really care about him but I can;t do it to my daughter anymore as it seems to me to be very damaging to her :)
Do I leave and go to my parents until he can find somewhere else to go as I am worried I'll just get talked around again if I stay.
Or, am I being unreasonable and should stay to help him?
Thanks so much for reading (if you're still here) :)