50/50 shared care - when did this become the 'starting point'

[IncognitoForLife]

I think I have been given some poor advice by my previous solicitor and would like to make a complaint, without incurring further costs by taking separate legal advice.

In 2021 my solicitor advised me that the children would live with me and stay with their dad EOW + 1 evening a week. I was then told by my barrister (when I had already started the divorce) that the starting point was 50/50 shared care. I was so blind-sided by this that I didn't question it at the time.
Can anyone please let me know when 50/50 became the starting point. An internet reference would help me word my complaint, if anyone has one.

Courts have started to look to a 50:50 fir child access and shared care - why do you need a specific start point for this ?
there will be some cases where this is not possible but where it is deemed possible it is likely to be ordered

What is it you actually want to complain about? That you were under the impression that you would have the kids the majority of time?
If so you were given poor advice, and yes you could write a letter, not sure what you’d say…
An I right to assume you wouldn’t be happy with a 50/50 arrangement? I’m not judging as I don’t know your circumstances, living arrangements, financial situation etc…
But in theory, men are knocked about on MN threads on a regular basis, for not seeing their kids enough. If you and your ex are given the chance for this arrangement then that has to be brilliant thing!

As I said, I don’t know your situation with your ex….
But perhaps write to your old solicitor and say you are disappointed with the advice you were given as you believe it to be wrong. Not sure what they can/will do though.

It’s about parental responsibility not entitlement. Both parents are equally responsible. In practice not all responsibilities are equally shared because they can’t or shouldn’t be equally shared. That is what is determined in court.

Child custody is usually settled through the following process:

Agreement between the two parents
Mediation
Court

It is not necessarily the case that 50:50 is the starting point - this would depend on the facts of the situation.

So for example with a child under 1 50:50 would not be considered appropriate.
If one or both parents have made accusations of abuse then this would also change the situation.

Child custody is always a negotiation between at least two parties (the parents) and sometimes three (parents and court) so if your solicitor told you outright that you would get a particular outcome then that would have been very unprofessional of him or her.

I suspect you will find that he or she said something like "this is the most likely outcome"

Because I want to be sure before I complain that the advice I should have been given in 2021 was '50/50 is the starting point, and if the father asks for it he'll likely get it.' The possibility of 50/50 wasn't mentioned until much later in the process, which meant I made decisions based on incorrect information.

There’s no hard and fast rule, and never has been, so your complaint is not going to get anywhere.

This is one of those cases where even though you may not have been advised in the way you'd have hoped - it's a level of mental and emotional energy I strongly advise you not to waste.
Drop it and instead direct the energy into communicating as well as you can with ex to agree what's best for everyone.

I understand if custody is court ordered that you may have no say in how things move forward. But looking back and focusing on this will very likely rile you up emotionally and that is pointless.

I've had to let horrible things like this go in my life - horrific care in hospital, nearly died, no accountability and more. I learnt the hard way some things are not worth fighting.

Was it a possibility? If he didn’t or couldn’t have the children 50% of the time nothing or no one could legally compel that. If he asked for 30:70 then it was never an option. If he wanted 50:50 he should have asked for that or challenged it when your solicitor offered less.

Why did and how did your solicitor land in EOW and one night per week.

What did your ex want and what did you want when you consulted your solicitor.

It was the starting point for us when I got divorced in 2006

I'd say it's been in place for a while now - has their dad stated he wants 50/50? How old are your children? I don't personally agree in 50/50 as I think it's about what a parent wants rather than what's best for the child but I'm realistic that if my ex took me to court it would likely be granted

My dealings with a divorce solicitor spanned 2018-2019 and 50 50 was never mentioned. We did not go down a child arrangements order route though, so perhaps the solicitor didn't need to advise me.

A solicitor does not have the authority to decide what the child custody schedule should be. That is determined by the court. They can of course fight for your preference but it doesn't mean they'll get it. If you assumed you just get what you wanted then that's on you.

I'm not really clear on what you want to complain about? You can't complain that your solicitor didn't state the obvious to you. Why wouldn't you think 50:50 was a possibility? Him getting full custody is also a possibility. Any number of arrangements could be a possibility depending on circumstances. Why would you think that the only possibility is whatever you wanted to happen or whatever your solicitor told you? I think you need to take some accountability for your own ignorance here.

meant I made decisions based on incorrect information

What decisions did you make? That you would receive CMS? When if he does 50/50 you don't tend to receive anything?

The courts will make the decision based on the best interests of the children. Of course if both parents are able to have equal time with the children and are safe, good parents, the best interests of the children is to have that. It doesn't appear you have a "complaint"- the previous solicitor told you a fairly standard EOW + 1 agreement that is often made in cases where one parent isn't able to have weekdays for whatever reason.

My now DH got divorced in 2014 and back then EOW + 1 mid week night was the norm. When he requested more contact (which his EW didn’t want him to have) he was told it would be a fight.

So glad to hear 50:50 in the starting point now. In my husbands case he’s spent years (and £’s) taking his EW to court to be able to see his own kids.

What do you want to complain about? The kids go to spend more time with their dad?

You chose to have children with him so I would presume you knew he would be in their life and seeing as 50/50 as a start point in common sense seeing they have 2 parents would not be an unusual thing?

I got divorced just before then and it was stated that it was the starting point but lots of factors can influence the split so judges have a lot of latitude in what they decide. At the courts I went to, the feeling was that if it gets taken to court then likelihood of the parents being able to organise 50/50 between themselves is unlikely as to do this you have to be able to communicate well which probably is not the case if you go to court

I think that's a very black and white view? Yes she chose to have children with him and raise them in a family unit seeing them every day/night. She didn't choose to see them 50% of their lives and split bdays and Xmas.
Her children also didn't choose to have to move home every few days ....that's why fundamentally 50/50 is unfair on children - would you like to have to pack up things and shuttle between two beds several times a week?

They shouldn't have to pack up anything. They should have everything they need at both houses. Aside from a few personal items, like a favourite teddy bear, they shouldn't need to take anything when they go between homes.

@MrsSunshine2b

The reality is they aren't going to have a replica bedroom with replica toys and replica clothes

Most children - now adults - I know who did 50/50 hated it. Never felt settled. Never felt like they had a home and hated the constant too ing and fro ing

That's interesting. There's been a lot of research showing that children in 50/50 situations or close to that have equal outcomes to children with parents living together, and much better than children spending the majority of time with one parent.

It’s really unclear what the complaint would be. Did you have to spend more with the barrister as they gave different advice to the solicitor?

Who are you making the complaint against ? Are you saying that you wouldn’t have divorced if you knew that 50/50 was a possibility?

Men who ask for 50/50 generally get it because they are assumed to be as capable of parenting as a woman. IME it’s not common for a man to ask for 50-50 but I know men who are self employed do can work around their kids so it’s in the kid’s interest.

EOW and a mid week visit is common because dads rarely adjust their working hours after kids compared to mums so see kids around their work which could involve nights or overnight business travel. Many use it as a threat but most quickly realise that seeing the kids around work is much easier physically and financially.

Who are you complaining to and what do you hope to gain? I'd absolutely save your energy and direct it where it will do most good, rather than on a complaint that will get you nowhere in reality. Put it down to bad advice, and move forwards from where you are now, not where you wish you were.

50/50 has always been the starting point. What has changed is that it's also much more likely to be the end point now. The courts had a reputation for bias towards the mother but that's not really the case anymore (if it ever was). I don't think you can blame your solicitor for the advice that they gave you 3 years ago because outcomes depend on a wide range of factors that are changing all the time.

Your children are now 3 years older (so something has almost certainly materially changed there whether it's that they are now eligible for 15 hours free childcare, they might be starting secondary school etc); your ex's work situation might have changed (WFH boom has made a difference); the judges in your County Court might have changed and use their discretion differently to their predecessors etc.

I would also urge you to take with a pinch of salt the claims that men aren't competent to do 50/50, because the courts would never take such arguments seriously.