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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

ex wants to stay in the house

48 replies

confusedparent1982 · 27/09/2024 11:59

me and my OH have decided to split. we have been together for several years and have a son in year 10 at school. my OH wants to stay in the marital home with our son and have me rent a property for the next 4/5 years whilst our son is still at school/ college. As the higher earner I am expected to pay the larger proportion of the mortgage/ loans etc whilst also paying for rent and bills on another property. OH has also stated that as I may have some money left over each month they want that as child maintenance and expects me to survive with little to no disposable income for the next 4 years. OH does work and would have more than enough money to live comfortably (quite a bit more than I would have) I would rather sell the house, take the equity and go our separate ways now but OH is refusing to do that and says I am being unreasonable and saying it will impact our son. Is it fair that I should have to struggle for 4 years in limbo before I can move on. I feel like I am being guilted into making a decision.

OP posts:
yeesh · 27/09/2024 12:01

Of course that isn’t fair. Are you married as that will make a difference as well. You should get proper advice from a solicitor

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/09/2024 12:01

Are you married?

CleftChin · 27/09/2024 12:13

That's really not how it works - have you seen a solicitor? Are you married?

If your OH can't buy you out of the house (or come to an arrangement with you regarding it eg. a sell date 4 years in the future with you getting a larger proportion of the equity - depending on who continues to pay the mortgage) then the house will have to be sold.

I will say, that year 10 is mid-GCSE, so if there is a way your child doesn't have to move, that would be good for them.

You certainly don't have to pay all the bills and the mortgage and maintenance. It should be an equitable split of assets and liabilities - taking your son's accommodation/needs into consideration.

grumpyoldeyeore · 27/09/2024 12:20

Your child is old enough to decide who they live with. Your ex will be expected to pay own bills. You would not be expected to pay mortgage and CM, the mortgage would be deducted from CM.

obsessedwithfreshbread · 27/09/2024 12:22

If you are not married then it is a simple equity split of the house, one of you buys the other out or the house needs to be sold.

If you are no longer living in the house then you should not be contributing to mortgage/billls in the property you don't live in.. although this is tricky if you are both on the mortgage as you would still be legally liable which it's why important to organise a sale/buyout asap

halava · 27/09/2024 12:34

Stay in the house in your own room until child is 18.

Are you married or not? That makes a difference.

Your post sounds like the other side of the coin where the husband/father moves out. Interesting to see it from the mother's side, unless you are the father/male partner/husband.

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 12:35

Can he afford to buy you out?

Edingril · 27/09/2024 12:36

Unless one of you buys the other out then you sell it and split the money

MILLYmo0se · 27/09/2024 12:38

Why do you both seem to think your ex gets to dictate the terms of the split?

Starlight7080 · 27/09/2024 12:39

Why can't you stay in the house till son is 18.
None of that sounds fair to you at all .

millymollymoomoo · 27/09/2024 12:53

No its not

and it’s highly unlikely you’d be expected to pay share of mortgage/bills for him - if he stays in fmh he’d be expected to pay 100% of these

spousal maintenance is unlikely

cms will depend on child arrangements

see a solicitor but his expectations are going to need a reset

millymollymoomoo · 27/09/2024 12:54

As others said if not married it will simply depend on how the house is owned - joint tenants = 50:50 each

Edingril · 27/09/2024 12:55

Starlight7080 · 27/09/2024 12:39

Why can't you stay in the house till son is 18.
None of that sounds fair to you at all .

So he would just hand the house over?

Beenaboutabit · 27/09/2024 12:56

OP wrote marital home

ArrowOfAthena · 27/09/2024 12:57

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 12:35

Can he afford to buy you out?

He?

obsessedwithfreshbread · 27/09/2024 12:59

@ArrowOfAthena
I was thinking the same, I assumed the author was male!

Londonismyjam · 27/09/2024 12:59

Me too….

MrSeptember · 27/09/2024 12:59

is there a reason he wants your DS to live with him? Is he the primary carer? If not, I am not sure that consistency of the house is enough of a reason to uproot everything else for him and have him mostly living with his dad.

I think that either way, you need to find a way to split bills and equity fairly. If you are the main breadwinner, yes, that might mean you will come out with less (assuming you're married) but that's the way it goes. MOre importantly is that your DS has a good home with both of you. Based on what you've said, it sounds like selling the house and each having equity to buy elsewhere is a better option. If your ex IS the primary carer and will have more than 50/50 residence, yes, you'll need to pay maintenance at an appropriate level, and if you're significantly higher earner I'd hope you'd pay more than the bare minimum. ce

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 13:05

ArrowOfAthena · 27/09/2024 12:57

He?

Show quote history

Well yes, I usually assume posters are female unless they state otherwise.

inahaystack · 27/09/2024 13:05

There are laws depending on whether you're married or not.

However, morally, do you really want the mother of your child under financial strain at such a key period of time for your son? Selling a home and all the stress that comes with it. That could cause a lot of psychological damage to a teenager at that age.

Personally I wouldn't want that on my conscience and probably would move out whilst providing financial support.

ImNotYourMonstera · 27/09/2024 13:06

You don't need to keep the sexes secret OP. The house will get sorted in the divorce.

Frazzled54 · 27/09/2024 13:08

My STBXH has moved out and he just pays half the mortgage and CMS into the joint account now as I’m in the family home with our child.
If you’re no longer living there then you don’t need to contribute to the bills etc (well, this is what my ex’s solicitor has told him!)
So if your ex has moved out, this is all they will need to give you.
You can’t be expected to rent for 4/5 years…. the house will need to be sold and the equity split so you can both get a home.
My child is of high school age and he’s coping well and I’m sure that’s because there’s stability with me here in his home. Is there an option for one of you to buy the other out so your child can stay in the family home some of the time?

Whyherewego · 27/09/2024 13:09

I'd say it's better given your DS is Y10 that you get this sorted sooner rather than waiting too long and certainly before he gets to Y11.
As PP have said, you need to value the marital home and that would be, in principle, split 50 50. You'd then look at housing needs of both sides and also other factors like pensions, custody, earnings etc. And that may alter slightly given you have higher earnings, you can secure higher mortgage so you may adjust split to give slightly higher deposit to your OH.

ARichtGoodDram · 27/09/2024 13:17

You say OH, but also marital home - are you married?

That makes a vast change to advice

Original poster
confusedparent1982 · 27/09/2024 13:38

Apologies, I am a married Male and OH is unable to buy me out of the joint mortgage.

OP posts:
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