Should I go after his pension?

[Passmetheaero]

Will try and keep this short.

In the middle of divorce. Still living in family home. House in his name only and he has agreed to sell it to me, and he’ll go elsewhere. 2 primary aged children.

Our pension figures have just come through - let’s say for arguments sake (and to make the maths easier) his is worth £600k and mine is worth £300k. I know I’m entitled to a pension share (long marriage). He’s a fair bit older and is pretty close to retirement age.

All I want is for him to sell me the house and leave asap. He’s terrified I’m going to go after his pension.

Is it sensible to put forward an offer to him requesting he sells me the house at a reduced rate asap, and in return I won’t touch his pension? My solicitors are wary of this and seem keen for me to purse his pension as well, but I don’t want to drag this shitshow out any longer.

Would really value your opinions? Thank you.

You need a proper settlement which includes fair share of equity and fair share of pension

what % of house equity are you getting ? its a joint asset irrespective of his name being the only one on it

Listen to your solicitor. They can probably negotiate a bigger slice of the house for you once your stbx knows that you are prepared to go after half of his pension. You know that he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to you!

Solicitors are use to dealing with it, let them get on with it.

Why is he selling you the house ‘at a reduced rate’? It’s the martial home and therefore a joint asset (unless he owned it prior to you?).

For me it would depend on how much the house is worth. £100k vs £600k is very different.

He’s terrified I’m going to go after his pension.

Listen to his fear, if it's real.

Trust nothing he says.

Listen to your solicitor.

Well all the assets need to go on the table for a fair split. How much older is a “fair bit older”? If he’s close to retirement age this will be taken into consideration as he has reduced earning power vs if you have another 20 years to go so he could end up with a bigger share to account for this. Presumably he’ll be looking after the kids more when he retires as well?

Such a common issue, isn't it?

Reframe the thinking that these are not 'his' and 'yours'. Every pension built up during the marriage (+ possibly cohabitation too) is a marital asset to be shared, not equally, but fairly. You need to think about what kind of pensions they are too. DB or DC as that'll affect the outcome.

On the assumption you could get 50% of the difference in your pensions (not saying you can), then it would be possible to “offset” this against the value of the house, so he sells it at £150k less than he otherwise would.

But to achieve the offsetting you may need to show that you would seek a pension sharing order if he doesn’t agree to it.

Long marriage so all assets go in the pot. Then get divided equally or based on need.

House 500k
Pension 1 600k
Pension 2 300k
Savings 100k

Total 1.5m

Each 750k. (Made up figures)

You could take all your pension and more of the house.

This is all brilliant advice everyone - thank you. Just re-reading your replies and digesting them.

I'd always listen to the advice of your solicitor. This is a traumatic and strange experience for you, and divorce is hard- most women have been raised to be compliant and kind and obedient, and that can so often mean not standing up for yourself, or not taking what you're owed.
I went against the advice of my solicitor in my divorce because I wanted to do (what I thought was) the right thing, be the bigger person etc. It was a very bad decision on my part. I made life far more difficult than it needed to be for me and DC. I think I wasn't thinking straight because the trauma of separation was too fresh and I felt guilty (though it wasn't my fault) that DC would have divorced parents.

@MadeForThis has explained it very well. You don't need to 'buy' the house off him. In the above example you take your pension (£300k) half the cash (£50k) leaving your share of the house to be £400k. He gets his pension the other half of the cash and you take out a mortgage to pay him his share of the house which would be £100k and the house is then put in your name if that's what you want.

You’ll need proper pension valuations and transfer values.itches near retirement he also won’t get a mortgage so will need to buy a house outright ….

take advice from solicitor

My brother in law was in the same situation as your husband, his wife didn't go after his pension in exchange for getting the deal she wanted on the house. It worked for both of them.

If you have primary aged children and they will stay living with you then you have a case for more than a 50/50 split. If he's planning to retire soon and not take on at least 50% care then that would be completely fair. Because whatever child support will be minimal if he's on a pension, and the very expensive teen years are still to come. Pensions are obviously included in the calculation.

Hmm I always think it's grubby to "go after" pensions. Yours is a decent pot presumably lower because you didn't have as high a paying job....if you didn't give up any pension contributions whilst raising children then I wouldn't pursue pensions out of moral/ethical feelings

(But I had a pension pot x10 higher than my ex husbands what I built through my own hard work not his so I admit it's a sensitive subject for me)

I know what you mean. It does
seem a bit petty - what I really want is for him to leave asap. As in the next few weeks. Going after his pension will take bloody months and the Ive been quoted £2000 for the pensions actuary report.

Depends how much the house is worth. Is it 250k, 500k, over a million? It’s impossible to advise without knowing that.

This. He'll be hiding something. Listen to your solicitor and let him do his job.

Sounds like it's worth it

So yes, you should

It’s worth approx £350,000

Hi, I’m going through the same as you at the moment.
My solicitor suggested we sell the house and split everything 50/50 but I earn much less than EX and would struggle to get a mortgage to afford anything decent in a nice area so I want the house which he’s happy to let me have if I leave his pension alone.
However, I’ve put an offer forward that I take the house and a sum of his pension on a pension share order to equal things up. This gives me a small income when he retires in 5 years for the rest of my days. I’ve got a small pension myself and I could sell the house and downsize in a few years when my child is older and live mortgage free.

i would speak to a pension advisor…& a solicitor.
There’s a huge disparity between your pensions. You also can’t add a pension as an asset with the house as it’s not the same as pound for pound value.
Possibly get an actuary but this takes time and money and I totally understand you wanting him out asap. I managed to get mine out and at his mums a few weeks ago which has lowered my anxiety massively.

good luck OP. Sorry you’re having to deal with this we well x

@Frazzled54 Thank you for such a lovely message. It’s not a fun time is it. I think I will speak to an actuary. X

@Frazzled54 where will your ex live if you get 100% house and you take some of his pension??

Often one of the reasons that men build a bigger pension is because the wife stayed home and looked after the kids for a few years or dropped to part time or took a more family friendly lower paid job.
This means going after a pension isn't immoral, you've effectively helped to build it up by facilitating the working life of the EH