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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is this perfectly fair? I’m going to be stuck

47 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 11:26

Dh and I have been separated for two months. He’s been fine when it came to mediation, dd will live with me and visit him every other weekend and more in holidays.
His family have bought him somewhere to live nearby, whereas I need to go and rent somewhere near the school as we currently live remotely and I don’t drive. Dh always did the school run. He knows without him we’ll be stuck but he’s said he is going within two months so if I don’t find anywhere to rent, I’ll have to figure it out myself as it was my decision to ‘dismantle the family’ anyway. He said while dd is in his care she’ll be fine but I also need to make sure she’ll be fine (with regards to getting to school and back)

We are on a joint tenancy (still living together) and he’s also said once he’s out he’s out. Any charges for this house will be for me to deal with.
He’s also sacked me from my job, getting a friend of his sister to take my job from me. He said he won’t kick me out straight away but will make sure I have a new place to live first and when things are settled. Then I’m sacked. I worked self employed for him since the beginning (10+ years) but ran the entire business myself
All these decisions are apparently coming as advice from his solicitor.
Am I being completely fked over here? He is very manipulative which is why I’m leaving him.
He also left some notes out about a financial order - he refuses to speak to me about this but I’m hoping my solicitor will ask for dh to provide evidence of all his savings and money as I know dh hid a lot away from me so I have no idea what he has financially. I heard him on the phone the other night saying ‘but I can’t hide all my money’ 😟

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 25/09/2024 11:35

Oh God OP I’m sorry what a tough one.

With regards to your current property, as joint tenants it’s not as easy as him just walking away. To sever that he needs agreement from the landlord and you, he can’t just decide he is no longer responsible.

With regards to the job, are you still classed as self-employed or are you an employee? As an employee you’d have extra protection, if self-employed then the business just has to give you notice so not ideal.

The school run is a tough one because he doesn’t have to continue taking her once separated if he doesn’t want to and you can’t force him to. If that is a way away potentially could you be moved by then?

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 11:35

As a matter of urgency, you need a new job. As you will have DD the majority of the time, what child support will he pay?

It is going to be difficult for you to find a new place to rent without being employed so can you afford your current rental for a while?

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 11:47

Luckily I am employed with an entirely separate job and self employed with his business so I split my days between both jobs. I can live on the employed wage I just won’t be able to have the same life as now, which is fine. I can find another job, it just really hurts as the business was such a big part of our life and I grew it to what it is today. I know everyone we deal with so well and I honestly just love the job. Knowing he’s taking this away hurts as much as the marriage being over, if not more.

I am viewing properties regularly, they just keep getting snapped up before I can pay the holding fee. I do hope I’ll get somewhere in time. I just would’ve thought dh’s priority would’ve been making sure dd can get to school and back as is her father. If it were me I would stay until we both had somewhere to live rather than just legging it.

I’ve tried telling him we’re on a joint tenancy so he can’t just wash his hands of it once he moves out, it doesn’t work like that but it falls on deaf ears. I’m sure the landlord will make sure he deals with things though, as any costs should be split equally. He really should pay half the cleaning bill too as I want to make sure it’s spotless when we leave this place

OP posts:
WhereIsBebèsChambre · 25/09/2024 11:51

But at least he'll be out, think of the alternative, do you want to keep living with him when separated?

Mrsttcno1 · 25/09/2024 11:51

I can imagine how hard it is OP especially when you were so involved with the business but maybe try to see it as your chance to have a proper clean break from him.

Good luck!

Whyherewego · 25/09/2024 11:52

So DH is jointly responsible for the tenancy and you need to serve notice and clean and whatever it takes to exit that and he needs to pay half of those costs.
You need to get some new place to live and that needs to be your priority. If you have DD then it's your responsibility to get her to school. He can help but I'd not want to rely on him if I were you.
Forget the joint business and just leave that immediately and focus 100pc on securing a new place to live and a job to cover the shortfall.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 11:54

You’re right. Thank you, I just need a clean break and need to move out as soon as possible

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 25/09/2024 12:06

What type of business is it?

two things - do you have a case for unfair dismissal?
are you getting share of the business as part of financial settlement ?

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 13:04

It’s an agency
I probably do have a case for unfair dismissal as although I’m self employed I worked there for many years and ran it all.
I didn’t know I’d be able to get a share in the business because it’s a Ltd company and it’s not closing down? I’ll need to ask my solicitor about this

OP posts:
unsync · 25/09/2024 13:29

Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 13:04

It’s an agency
I probably do have a case for unfair dismissal as although I’m self employed I worked there for many years and ran it all.
I didn’t know I’d be able to get a share in the business because it’s a Ltd company and it’s not closing down? I’ll need to ask my solicitor about this

Who are the shareholders of the company? If your stbx owns 100% of the shares, you should be entitled to 50%, especially if you built the business. You can have a look on Companies House to see who the majority shareholders is. Do you know who the Directors are? Do you know what the value of the company is? If not that will need to be valued prior to any settlement being worked out.

SensibleSigma · 25/09/2024 13:33

You need a lawyer- this is complicated.

You don’t sound self employed- there is guidance. ACAS may be able to advise on this.

You would have more protection of you were employed.

Don’t let him rush you- get advice first.

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 13:59

If they have put it in his name, his family haven’t necessarily done a smart thing, buying him a property whilst the two of you are still married.

Anyhow, when it comes to separation of assets, the fact that he can house himself without recourse to other martial assets may help you get a bigger share.

Agree with PP that you need a lawyer for complexity

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 14:11

Oh and whilst you do have a joint tenancy, that doesn’t mean your landlord won’t try you first if you eg pay 50% of the rent rather than him going after H

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 16:08

unsync · 25/09/2024 13:29

Who are the shareholders of the company? If your stbx owns 100% of the shares, you should be entitled to 50%, especially if you built the business. You can have a look on Companies House to see who the majority shareholders is. Do you know who the Directors are? Do you know what the value of the company is? If not that will need to be valued prior to any settlement being worked out.

Show quote history

There aren’t any shareholders and he is the only director. No one else listed. I do the companies house forms aswell as everything else so know the business inside out. I wonder if this is why H was saying he’s meeting with an accountant to get the business valued as he was thinking of selling it (which he isn’t now)

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 16:25

There must be a shareholder, even if it is him with one share.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 16:30

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 13:59

If they have put it in his name, his family haven’t necessarily done a smart thing, buying him a property whilst the two of you are still married.

Anyhow, when it comes to separation of assets, the fact that he can house himself without recourse to other martial assets may help you get a bigger share.

Agree with PP that you need a lawyer for complexity

I’ve just spoken to my solicitor, I do feel better for that. There’ll be two so one dealing with the business and one dealing with the marriage stuff.
The family put it in their name for him to rent off of them. The solicitor thought that was pretty dodgy though. Possible deprivation of assets? Possibly putting his money in to it too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 16:30

SheilaFentiman · 25/09/2024 16:25

There must be a shareholder, even if it is him with one share.

Sorry, yes I meant apart from him so he’s the sole shareholder

OP posts:
grumpyoldeyeore · 25/09/2024 16:32

Check your councils school transport policy in case you are eligible

unsync · 25/09/2024 17:16

Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 16:30

Sorry, yes I meant apart from him so he’s the sole shareholder

Show quote history

Well, that's good. It gives you strong leverage. If you can, make sure you have full copies of the company's audited accounts and P&L going back at least three years. It's also worth setting up a Companies House alert for the company so you get notified when documents are lodged.

Keep a record of all the manoeuvring including dates. It can be helpful for Court to have it all straight and in a timeline.

Whyherewego · 25/09/2024 19:18

The business is an asset and absolutely should be considered as part of the financial settlement

Strictly1 · 25/09/2024 20:03

If your daughter attends the closest school and you’re over a certain distance, the local authority have to provide transport.

SuperGreens · 25/09/2024 20:35

Your married the business is half yours. You need a very good lawyer because this guy a total creep. If you have been running the business why cant you keep it? He cant just hand it over to his family. Get copies of all documents, business account statements etc, I would not agree to anything at this stage. He needs to provide copies of all bank statements for the past year as part of the process, and that's how you can track where he hiding the money. And start learning to drive, get an automatic car its easy.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 25/09/2024 20:47

Strictly1 · 25/09/2024 20:03

If your daughter attends the closest school and you’re over a certain distance, the local authority have to provide transport.

I tried this already and they were so unhelpful. Someone came out and did the walk with dd - just under a mile, very steep, the guy was having to stop for a breather so many times- on a busy road with tiny narrow pavement and really dangerous crossings. She has a disability too but still they said she should walk. I’m still livid thinking about it.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 25/09/2024 20:52

When are you going to learn to drive? You need to

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 26/09/2024 08:33

I don’t feel I need to, I’m moving to a place with good bus links and it’s walking distance to the school. I work from home so don’t really need the extra expense.

OP posts: