Is this perfectly fair? I’m going to be stuck

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Dh and I have been separated for two months. He’s been fine when it came to mediation, dd will live with me and visit him every other weekend and more in holidays.
His family have bought him somewhere to live nearby, whereas I need to go and rent somewhere near the school as we currently live remotely and I don’t drive. Dh always did the school run. He knows without him we’ll be stuck but he’s said he is going within two months so if I don’t find anywhere to rent, I’ll have to figure it out myself as it was my decision to ‘dismantle the family’ anyway. He said while dd is in his care she’ll be fine but I also need to make sure she’ll be fine (with regards to getting to school and back)

We are on a joint tenancy (still living together) and he’s also said once he’s out he’s out. Any charges for this house will be for me to deal with.
He’s also sacked me from my job, getting a friend of his sister to take my job from me. He said he won’t kick me out straight away but will make sure I have a new place to live first and when things are settled. Then I’m sacked. I worked self employed for him since the beginning (10+ years) but ran the entire business myself
All these decisions are apparently coming as advice from his solicitor.
Am I being completely fked over here? He is very manipulative which is why I’m leaving him.
He also left some notes out about a financial order - he refuses to speak to me about this but I’m hoping my solicitor will ask for dh to provide evidence of all his savings and money as I know dh hid a lot away from me so I have no idea what he has financially. I heard him on the phone the other night saying ‘but I can’t hide all my money’ 😟

What about when need to take to clubs, sports, friends as child starts these? Not driving is short sighted and as you already see, adds logistics issues -these likely to get worse. What about drop offs /picks ups dads sometimes.

anyway up to you but I never understand why parents can’t drive

So if you're not a director or shareholder, how are you getting paid through the business? If you're an employee then there may be grounds for unfair dismissal.

It also occurs to me, what's to stop you setting up your own business doing the same thing? You know the business inside out so what's stopping you?

@Doubtfuldaphne

You need to protect yourself as I'm sure he'll start to wriggle out of his legal obligations.

First and foremost get your solicitor to take this to family court. The judge will insist on honest evaluations of marital assets.

The business is a marital asset as he owns it. Therefore you are entitled to some compensation. It's difficult to say how much as it's tied to his income and the judge will not deprive him of this unless it's clearly in the best interest of the children.

You are entitled to half his pension and he is entitled to half of your assets too.The financial firm you both submit will clarify this.

A word of warning. The financial declaration only goes back 12 months. So if he's started to move assets and can spin this out for 12 months then they cease to be included.

That's why it's important to get this going today.

With the LA walking your daughter to school to price she can walk herself , you can appeal this decision. It's a money saving decision not necessarily in the best interests of the child.
State any disabilities and back this up with paperwork. Say if at any point the pavement stops and the child needs to walk on the road to get to school in the dark isn't safe. Then insist it's reviewed. You'll need to be persistent over this. I did this.

If it's under a mile I'm not sure they would consider transport necessary?

My thoughts exactly.

If you’re being paid as an employee, you have rights but you may also have obligations. If however you’re being paid, for example, as a consultant then less rights but more autonomy. If the latter did you sign a contract stating you wouldn’t use the business contacts once you’d stopped working for the company? If not, then they all know you and deal with so why not start up your own agency?

With regards to the driving, I just don’t think my income will stretch that far. We’ll see though. If I get some money through the settlement I will definitely be learning to drive if I know I’ll have a few hundred left over every month to run the car.
I have zero assets so not too worried about him having half of mine as they don’t exist 😂
My solicitor is getting the ball rolling now so hopefully he won’t spin this over a year. He said he will apply for the divorce and pay but I haven’t had anything through the post yet. I’m so glad I posted her because I didn’t know I would be entitled to half the business profits. I could set up the same business but it took years and years to finally start making money on the existing one, I don’t really want to go back to starting a similar one again.
Amazingly I was told last night that my employed job has given me a pay rise and will continue to put the pay up every year which is an absolute life saver.
To the pp who asked how I get paid from his business, I’m self employed so I invoice the business every month.

I just checked and it’s just over, 1.1 miles.

In most LA’s the limit is 2 miles, however as disabilities are involved I presume that may be different?

youre not entitled to half - you are entitled to a fair share of all assets, which could be more or less. The launching is the house/pensions and business should go in the pot and then a division can be negotiated and completed

I'm super lost, if it's under a mile to school why can't you walk her there?

Is it a mile from current rural property or from new one?

Am assuming new one, but op has said its great for buses, but if it's the rural one it must be a foot safe one or can't imagine they'd walk the route?

Possibly because OP needs to be at work in the opposite direction at the same time?

It’s just due to dd having a physical disability and the pavement being so narrow on a steep very busy road where there are often crashes as they speed along it.
After mediation today dh was very clear he will not be splitting anything financially because ‘he needs it’
I’ve been talked into mediation before going in with the solicitor and dh has been told he will still need to fully disclose all his accounts, business, savings. Now I feel awful because yes he will need the money but all these years of him saving while asking me to send quite a big chunk of my wage to him for bills and working all hours just to get by and pay for uniforms, food, etc.. finally I could see some of that back. I wouldn’t want half. Just some to help me out. I just feel mean doing this.
Its really brought up a lot of emotions now things are moving with the house and mediation. The thought of him meeting someone else makes me feel so upset (even though I don’t think he has) and also seeing how upset he is even though he’s trying to hide it. I just wish I could stop it all and go back to normal even though I knew it wasn’t a happy marriage. It’s just horrible isn’t it.

Remember this was a partnership and you gave a lot ... time, support and money. So you are entitled to a fair share. Of course he'll not want that because those things are easily forgotten now that the partnership is over. But don't see yourself short. You gave plenty and you are entitled to have some

I agree. I’m not going after half but just something to acknowledge what I have put in to the marriage. I’ll stand my ground on this one!

Not all parents are able to learn for various reasons or afford to run a car.

Mediation isn't working and you need a good legal team. You do need to fight for a fair share. Even if he says he will support the children, he already isn't by hiding money from you and trying to keep it all because he "needs it".
The children should be the main priority, and even more so if one is disabled.
Do you get DLA?

Don't be so nice about it. He certainly isn't. You really should make sure that you get absolutely every penny you are entitled to . And it is not just for you, it's for your kids as well. What if you were sick and unable to work? Or your job changed . He's OK , he's got himself somewhere to live and left you with the tenancy, bills, etc.

You’re right, I do need to toughen up. I need to stop empathising and get real.

I know he needs money to do up his new place but it was his choice to take a project when he could’ve just moved into a ready made flat or something. I will have much more costs than him. Huge ones in fact. I need to have a quarter of what he has

His new place is not your 'problem' other than whether or not he has suitable places for your DC to sleep. Even so, that's his issue not yours and I wouldn't consider those costs, per se, just that if he doesn't, the DC don't sleep there. So I wouldn't give what he feels he 'needs' to spend on it one minute of my time. Your 'job' is to provide for yourself and your DC going forward, period. So you go after whatever you need to be sure that you and your DC are adequately 'housed and fed', now and in the future.

As far as him walking away and leaving you all the costs involved in the joint tenancy, I'd ask a solicitor. I know that where I am (US) a landlord can come after any of the joint tenants for 'costs' as they're considered 'jointly and severally liable'. So if one won't pay or skips out, he can come after the other for full costs. Not sure in the UK, but it may be worth finding out for sure AND if in the divorce you can claim half of those costs back as part of the financial settlement. If there are any costs that you have to cover in full, be sure that you have it fully documented that you paid that cost in full.

See that solicitor now, when it comes to getting a share of a business, it can get complicated. Get any/all documentation NOW of any/all services you have performed or contributions you have made.

And harden your heart, it's going to get ugly. But you're fighting not just for yourself, but for your DC.

Don’t discuss anything further with you husband about finances ..the only thing to discuss is your dd..
your solicitor will do the rest, ask him to keep you informed, make sure you have told him (or her) everything you have said on here, and let him deal with it.
puts food to have support on here emotionally, and from people who have been through this already, but the law you leave to your solicitor.
and yes I’m going through divorce, sold our marital home, potentially bought my own pad, but still living under the same roof ( bloomin hard, emotionally and generally).
I wish you much luck, this is a horrid thing to go through, but with moral ongoing ( you find out who your friends are o how long they last) support, you will get through this. We need encouragement kindness helpful advice.