Partner had an affair and wont leave.

[wendy785]

Hey everyone,

This week I found out that my partner of ten years and the farther of my children was having a long term affair. I confronted him and he has admitted it, he said that he had ended it and he wants me back. I have since found out that he hasn't ended it with her and they are still in a relationship. I have politely asked him to leave as I'm trying to be mature about it for the sake of the children but he is refusing to leave the house. Now we both own the property so I am aware that I cant make him leave unless he has been violent towards me or the children. Is there any other way to get him to leave, even if its temporary. I just need breathing space for the sake of my mental health. I don't want him back so I also need to sort out my finances. If I am living in the property with the kids and he pays half of the mortgage would I be able to claim universal credits? My childcare bills are over £1000 a month and there is no way I can do this without some help. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you in advance!

You can't force him to leave, you'll need to get the court to force the house sale. What a shit.

Yes claim all the benefits you can.

What happens when you say ‘go and live with her’ ???

otherwise your only option is selling the house and splitting the money

He has no obligation to keep paying a mortgage for x number of years til his children are over 18. That's fantasy land.

He may or may not be required to continue to pay towards the mortgage. This bit depends on what is negotiated,

But he won't be able to get his name taken off the mortgage until the children are 18 - not without your consent, OP, or unless you both decide to put it up for sale. He can try to get an Order for Sale to force a sale, but it's unlikely a judge would grant this if there are children resident there.

I have told him that he should live with her but he just keeps saying I want to be with you and the kids. I don't want her. Then ive found out today he hasnt even broken things off with her. She didnt know that I had children with him and she thought he was my ex. He even used a different surname!

He most likely would be able to get his name off the mortgage as they’re not married. a judge can and would order sale in order to do so

you say he would need to pay £600 a month if he has them one night so get a cms application in asap as it can only be backdated to the application date, not sure how it works if you live together still but cms (not any informal payment arrangement) amounts can be used towards mortgage affordability with several lenders. £600 is quite a lot extra per month and could make the difference between being able to buy him out with a lender that includes it depending on your wages, I think it’s definitely worth ringing a couple of mortgage advisors and asking the question. Half of the equity you have would be paid to him so added to the mortgage you’d need plus whatever is owed currently but your equity would be treated as the deposit if you see what I mean. Whether he would then take the money or not is another thing but might provide you another option

Just be aware that if he has to pay cms now he may stop paying the mortgage.

Well if they both stop paying the mortgage it will be repossessed so that's one way of dealing with it!

What he wants is irrelevant. Go the legal route and do it by the book, be ice cold and make it very clear to him that your relationship is over. Don't even pour him a glass of water if he's on fire. You do absolutely nothing and give him no reason to want to come home at night.

What a shit of a man. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

Collect your thoughts and dignity. Create a house where he is a lodger, don’t do anything for him. Move and protect your money. Gather info on his wages. Apply for CMS and UC and anything else tomorrow.

Just don’t engage with him. You are actually ahead of him. You are set on splitting and he thinks you are going to take him back. Ignore him, be polite, act like a single person.

Once he realises he’s got no dinner, no clean clothes and sleeping on a sofa is crap, he’ll move his arse to the OW’s, if she’ll have him.

If you can play this out for a week, maybe 2, he’ll realise he’s not getting anywhere and leave.

Doesn't matter if he doesn't want to sell the house the court will put an order in place to make it happen relevant of anything else.

You will likely need a court order to force the sale, but it's the quickest way to get him gone for good

Yes he would. The mortgage debt is a joint one by the sounds of it. That obligation doesn't end if he leaves. Which is why OP can't make him, as part owner of the house, leave it. Not even temporarily.
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OP you're living with a partner so no you can't claim UC as a single person. You need to get the house sold ASAP or else one of you can buy the other one out if either of you can afford/get a mortgage alone.
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If he's refusing to pay towards child related costs speak to Women's Aid, IDK if it would count as financial abuse because he's effectively putting you in a position where you'd have to give up your job.
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You might need a longer term plan for leaving the relationship which they can help you formulate. You absolutely don't have to have sex with him or share a bed with him whether in a relationship or just living as housemates. So if you don't want to then don't, it's entirely your decision. So feel free to reorganize things to accommodate that without his permission or advanced knowledge. If you're not a team you don't have to make joint decisions.
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If it comes to it that you do have to give up your job due to finances then that's what you'll have to do, ensure CB is getting paid into your account, even if he earns too much to be eligible for it, they'll just claim it back from him. This is so you've got money to eat. If you've no other income he'll have to pay everything including the mortgage or else the house gets repossessed.
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You'll then probably have to rent once the house is sold and claim UC as a single person, assuming your savings (from sale of house) doesn't disqualify you, while you look for another job. If nobody will rent to you as a single mum on benefits you'll have to go down the homelessness route with the council.

OP you're living with a partner so no you can't claim UC as a single person.
He is not her partner though. Not anymore.

Oh good lord, do not advise her to give up her job 😮

He had the audacity yesterday to ask me to wash his clothes!!

I hope you told the cheeky twat to fuck off.

I'm unable to buy him out of the property. He says he doesn't want to sell it but he cant afford to buy me out either. He also wont leave the property and is trying to stay. I just wanted to know my options are.
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You see a solicitor to force sale of the house. Don't delay, he isn't willing to okay nicely so don't let him drag it out. Take half the money from the joint bank account, it is half yours regardless of who out in in there. Then speak to the bank and get the account closed/frozen so he can't run up an overdraft or any debt attached to the account (because that would be half yours too).
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I dont feel comfortable leaving the children with him. He looked after them a couple of weeks ago as a one off as i had training at work. Three different neighbours came to me with concerns as he was screaming at them constantly
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Ask if they'll put this in writing. You may need it if you want to avoid him going for 50/50 access to avoid paying CM.
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He's trying to force you to stay in a relationship with him. He doesn't have that power. You don't need his permission or agreement to end the relationship.

Read my post properly. I haven't advised her to give up her job.

As for "they're not in a relationship" I'm unsure whether the DWP would see it that way and I suspect not, otherwise everyone could say that and claim what they're not entitled to.

The mortgage is joint and several. The mortgage company do t care which one last it. If he stops op would have to pay it. Or neither do in which case it will be repossessed

however, they are not at that stage and op hasn’t mentioned that

but he doesn’t have to pay for the mortgage until children are 18
he won’t have to stay on the mortgage until the children are 18
if he stops paying ( eg if required to pay cms on top the lender will just expect it to be laid / they won’t pursue each party to the loan for their ‘share’

its all fresh and raw so it might take op time to think about her options. But a court can force a sale if either one refuses and both parties have legal right to live in it

If you're both named on the mortgage, you're both responsible for the payments - including any arrears - even if one of you moves out.

Until the house is sold whether he is living there or not he has a responsibility to pay his half of the mortgage!

@Velvetandgold you can claim UC as a single person if your ex is still living in the house.

Imagine she has to do something about properly splitting up though tiny dancer. Joint bank account, joint mortgage, joint DC, he claims they're a couple and they all live together doesn't look good. Can't imagine a claim for singledom being successful with those circumstances listed. I guess closing the joint bank account, getting the house up for sale and applying for CM would be a start and look better on the claim form.

He has a responsibility to pay his share of mortgage
but legally the debt is joint and several which means while you hold the debt jointly each party also has agreed to pay the whole debt individually
which means if one doesn’t pay the other other will need to ( or it’s repossessed)

he may continue to pay
he may continue to pay and also pay cms

we don’t know is income and ability to do so
its unlikely he will do this long term if he’s not even living there

hence they need to try to reach agreement on what to do
if necessary op knows she can go to court to force a sale

There is nothing on the claim form that would ask about most of those things. If the case is referred to a decision maker they could ask you to show that you are separating your lives.
You can call Citizens Advice Help to Claim on 0800 1448 444, they will give you sensible advice.

So we're not married but own the house 50/50. We currently split the bills in half even though I have nothing left after paying them. He earns 3 times more than me. We would have roughly £50000 each if the house was sold now after paying solicitors etc. I know to claim UC you can't have more than £6000 in the bank so once the house was sold I was hoping to put it into a part buy part rent property. Im not sure how it all works to be honest as I've never claimed anything before but I don't really have much options now.

When you sell a house Universal Credit will ignore the money for 6 months as long as you are using it to buy another house.