How to handle subject of mistress with young children

[GlamSlam7]

Hi everyone
I'm looking for some advice from anyone who has been through this and successfully come out the other side!
Husband left for another woman earlier this year. We have 2 young children (primary school age)
I'm trying to be the better person by not telling them what their dad has done. They know it was his decision to leave but don't know the ins and outs. My thinking is that in time they will work it out and they can make their own decision about how they feel about him and her.
I told our eldest that I don't want the womans name mentioned in my house but they have started to lie to me about what they've done at weekends to avoid talking about her to me. They think I'm upset when the mistress is mentioned because I don't have a new partner but obviously it's because this is the woman who broke up our happy home!
Any advice on how best to navigate this?
Thanks!

You're very brave and you've come this far so you can do it!! Then vent vent vent to your friends after kids bedtime

If your attitude is not to mention this woman's name are they barred from mentioning their dad? he's the one that lied and cheated and broke up the marriage!!
Another misogynistic woman blaming women rather than the scummy man.

It’s good that you can see this is damaging to your children

its understandable you are hurt, upset and angry but it’s not good to bring your children into it. You need to keep your feelings to yourself

you might have thought it was happy but clearly your husband didn’t. Relationships breakdown. It shit. There’s hurt and pain involved. But you’ll get through it and the best outcome for your children is knowing they have good relationship with both parents and care not caught in the middle and scared to say something in case they hurt one or both parents.

Hi, my STBXH has just admitted to an affair. We have an 11 year old.
We explained that daddy had a new girlfriend (he asked why he were divorcing so we had decided to be honest)

I’m devastated she’s going to be part of my child’s life 😢 as the thought of sharing him with a woman who helped rip my family apart (she knew he was married) kills me, but I’ve decided I’m just not going to ask anything about her & let him talk to me about her if he chooses.

He hasn’t met her yet as we are all still living in the same house (exDH refuses to move out!)

It’s so hard OP. I‘m so angry with EXDH but also with her. That’s natural and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
My EXDH actually said she me ‘she wouldn’t sleep with me at first because of you!’ 🙄 like she was some virtuous virgin… but he clearly told her we had no sex life/a dead marriage which was so far from the truth. He has lied to her and although she needs to take some blame in the whole scenario, the main blame is my ex for being a lying, cheating, double dipping disgusting scumbag. I had to get STI tested due to him sleeping with us both for months!

Surely they’re both villains here. Him, for going outside his marriage. And her, for even considering a man who is married with kids. Both utter arseholes

I am really sorry you’re going through this, it’s horrendously hard and like you mentioned in another post..there’s no manual here. I think all you can do is keep your kids close, keep lines of communication with them open and answer questions as best you can. One day they’re going to ask you why dad left (if they haven’t already) and they’ll need to be able to trust that you’ll tell them the truth. That dad met someone else and decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. You don’t have to make it positive or negative - it is what it is, and it’s hard. It’s ok for it be hard and for you all to be sad, but you’re doing ok and you love them more than anything. And if they ask why he didn’t want to be married, it’s ok to say you don’t know. They might ask their dad!

These are just my insights from being a kid in this situation many many years ago. You sound like a great mom, you are finding your way, you are doing your best!