Husband won't leave

[Whenlifegiveslemona]

My husband won't leave the house & I need him to for my sanity. We've got children (both young) and haven't been on great terms for about 2 years now, but the last 12 months have been unbearable.

We've openly discussed divorce but he won't accept it. I've asked him for one several times & he says "go ahead" in a flippant way, he knows i cant afford to. I want to discuss & agree a separation with the children in mind but he just won't have a convo about the practicalities.

To him divorce is the worst thing in the world. To me, I am absolutely done & cannot have the children around loveless, hostile & unhappy parents any longer. I am so unhappy around him & vica versa. There is no love between us, so much resentment.

I wont leave the home as I barely earn anything compared to him & have no family to go to (he does). I need some peace & him away from me. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. What do I do? How do I make him see I am being serious in wanting a separation?

Maybe take the longer plan. How many hours do you work OP? Could they be increased? He obviously thinks you're bluffing, and be prepared for him to turn even nastier when he realises you mean it. Forget being amicable - he isn't capable of being amicable even when you're married.

I would do as others have suggested, contact UC, see what you're entitled to, get legal advice. I predict he will 1. turn nasty 2. find some other poor woman to parade in front of you (thinking you'll be bothered) 3. accept it in the end. Although you will have to use legal means. I guess the house will end up being sold and you'll each get a proportion.

The same happened to me. I had to start divorce proceedings whilst ex was in the home - he refused to leave as he didn’t have to legally. My solicitor advised mediation for him to come to terms with it and for us to both state what we wanted before we ended up in court. This did help hugely and although he wasn’t happy about it he left once the financial details were sorted. Be careful though - my ex played a lot of mind games before leaving. Look after yourself x

@Happen74 - what kind of free support are you looking for? CAB, and possibly Women’s Aid, can offer some basic support, but ultimately you need to do this yourself.

Useful resources:

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies or similar
• family solicitor websites

Then gather all financial documentation and consult with an experienced family solicitor.

I'm not in a good place financially so thank you for the links

You can save a lot by being organized and educating yourself about the whole process.

Make sure you collect ALL financial information - tax returns , salary slips/P60s, bank statements, investments, pensions, mortgage….. everything. Check Form E to get an idea of the information that needs to be submitted. If there is any chance that he may have hidden funds, start snooping.

Also start withdrawing and saving small amounts. All solicitors will require initial appointments to be paid for, most will require some payment on account, but some (many?) may be prepared to wait for the balance until property is sold.

Misogynist men all share this attitude about women. When you do eventually manage to part, be prepared for him to be bitter about child maintenance and convinced that is “paying you” for your personal lifestyle, regardless of how little he pays..

Er…divorce laws changed in 2022. No fault divorces are the ONLY way to divorce now. No such thing as a fault divorce like adultery or unreasonable behaviour,

Go to guides lineked at top of page “advice now” …read to understand the process. Honestly you’ll save yourself a lot of money in legal fees, time and stress.

part of those guides will tell anyone not to leave the house they own, any solicitor will say the same.

it’s all part of the following myths of divorce - none of these are true
#you can throw your spouse out, change locks, dump their belongings outside…well yep you could try that and find yourself on worng side of law
#getting a good divorce lawyer will ensure your spouse is made to pay for the way he treated you…nope..settllents are bas3d on future needs ONLY …not past behavoiurs. Even where there been abuse.
#courtsxstart with 50:50 financial split- no they start with law . The law says “fair settlement “ must be carried out. That might be 50:50, courts like it if it can happen, but often it can’t. Read in ADVICE NOW link what the 8 or so criteria on fair settllent are, that must be met (where they apply to you and stbex circumstances”

anyone with any sense or knowledge will not move out the house. They won’t agree to ANY financial settlement until you have both done your legal fancial disclosure to each other on for forms E and D81. Again ADVICE NOW guides will explain that process.

if he’s notcwantin*to play ball, it’s worthwhile giving him these guides too, so he can see that dragging his heals is like Canute…and will only cost him more finanacially and in terms of stress.

Oh, should add, ADVICE NOW GUIDE (link above) also will guide you through issues petition on line.
You do NOT need a solicitor for that. Haven’t for years, but since law change in 2022 it is literally idiot prof for people to do themselves. A solicitor doing it for you is a fraud frankly.

you need a few docs like marriage certs etc, around 30 mins, and a fee ..then it’s done.

he can’t not consent to the divorce now since 2902, it just needs one or both parties to say marriage has broken down. No other reasons now listed.

go read up.