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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex pressuring me to sell house

39 replies

Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 13:35

Hi,
I have recently split with my ex. Things have turned bad and he is accusing me of being up to all sorts and trying to screw him over. We have a young child together. We have a mortgage together and I can afford to take the mortgage on but not to buy him out just yet.
I am seeing a solicitor next week but just wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation?
Can he force me to sell the house?
I have seen so much conflicting evidence online.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 01/09/2024 13:51

He can’t force you to sell

but a court could

are you married? ( this will change the nature of response but not the fact there is no automatic right to live there until chills 18 etc )

Are you joint tenants ( deeds)
how much equity is there? Could he house himself if his share is deferred? How long would you expect to defer it?

Meadowfinch · 01/09/2024 13:57

He can go to court and get an order that the house must be sold.

How long will it take you to find the money to pay him his half of the equity? Obviously he needs to have somewhere to live too.

Or you could sell and each find somewhere else.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/09/2024 16:18

Meadowfinch · 01/09/2024 13:57

He can go to court and get an order that the house must be sold.

How long will it take you to find the money to pay him his half of the equity? Obviously he needs to have somewhere to live too.

Or you could sell and each find somewhere else.

Yep this. He doesn’t have to wait forever so yes he can get a court order that you have to sell the house so that he gets his equity back.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 01/09/2024 16:25

Until you have spoken to a lawyer I would be saying, "I won't make any decisions until I have talked with my lawyer." And keep repeating. That's all he needs to know until you have taken legal advice

Original poster
Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 16:43

Thanks guys.
He is suitably housed, he's in the army and lives on camp.
We are both on the deeds.
We are not married either.
He has some debts and wants to use the equity to pay them. There won’t be enough left over for me to buy somewhere else. I’m worried the equity will stop me getting a council property. They said if you have savings they won’t accept your application.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 16:45

I think it just gets to me that he‘s not even thinking about his son. He just keeps on because we aren’t out the house a few days after. He’s not even in the country to help me sort anything.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 01/09/2024 16:49

If you’re not married and are joint tenants you owe him 50% of the equity. Doesn’t matter that he’s housed. You’re not married. He owns half ( unless you own as tenants in common in unequal shares) and he’s owed that

to try to prevent it you’d have to spend £000s on a claim under the TOLATA laws and sch 1 of childrens act.

how much equity is there ?

Homewoes22 · 01/09/2024 16:50

The equity should be 50/50 split and he will have to pay his debts from his half not yours.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/09/2024 17:03

millymollymoomoo · 01/09/2024 16:49

If you’re not married and are joint tenants you owe him 50% of the equity. Doesn’t matter that he’s housed. You’re not married. He owns half ( unless you own as tenants in common in unequal shares) and he’s owed that

to try to prevent it you’d have to spend £000s on a claim under the TOLATA laws and sch 1 of childrens act.

how much equity is there ?

Yeah this is all correct, sorry OP I know it’s not ideal but he is entitled to his 50%

Meadowfinch · 01/09/2024 17:13

So go back to him with a plan, which will hopefully take some of the pressure away. You will...
Consult a solicitor
Get 3 valuations for the house
Find out how much you can borrow as a mortgage
Work out roughly how much equity you will need to pay him as a lump sum.
Check whether this can be done via a mortgage.

After you have all this information,which will take a week or two to compile, you will let him know whether you plan to buy him out, or to put the house on the market.

He cannot decide he wants out on a Tuesday and expect the house to be sold on the Wednesday. It takes time to market a house, find a buyer, exchange & complete. He's probably looking at 6 months.

Is your child already at school? Will you want to find a new home close to the same school?

Original poster
Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 18:07

Yeah. He’s at school in the area we live. I work here too. Houses are too expensive for me to buy in my own.
I have three estate agents coming to value the house over the next few weeks. The mortgage advisor is ringing me back on Friday with advice.

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 01/09/2024 18:11

Is he paying CMS? There was a thread on here a few years ago where a forces husband got into trouble with his superiors for not looking after his family after splitting. Might be worth checking president here, sorry I can't remember the details.

Original poster
Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 18:14

Im not sure if I take it on on my own, do I have to give him money to market value?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 01/09/2024 18:54

Yes

millymollymoomoo · 01/09/2024 18:57

At least he’ll expect market value I would have thought

you can of course agree between you what that value is or see if he’d agree a lower share.

Dartwarbler · 01/09/2024 20:50

Go to link at top of board called ADVICE NOW

download guides. KNow your rights. Know the process. know what” fair settllement” means to your circumstances.

no one here can tell you what will happen in your asset split. But you can by reading these guides,

they’ll also explain your legal situation re houses etc.

Dartwarbler · 01/09/2024 20:52

Ok, just seen not married- ignore my previous post. 🤦‍♀️

Thefutureismyaim · 01/09/2024 20:59

You need to give him 50% of the equity, not 50% of the market value of the house.
how much is the total equity and can you afford to pay him half of that amount?

BlubellRoses · 01/09/2024 21:29

As @Thefutureismyaim says, you’d owe him 50% of the equity, not 50% of the value of the house, so say the house was worth £100,000, and your outstanding mortgage was £90,000, you’d owe him £5,000- 50% of the profit you’d both made on the house. If he has debts and they are in his name, then they’d come out of his share of the profit, not yours. And of course, he’d have to pay you maintenance to support your son as well.

Original poster
Aj18761 · 02/09/2024 07:39

There is about 27k equity. There would be a fee for leaving early in our fixed term and other fees involved too. So I would need to buy him out with that too. I will know more when the mortgage advisor has done his thing.
I have put a claim in with child maintenance because he said he wasn’t going to pay any until I had sold the house.
Thank you everyone. It’s the uncertainty that is really getting to me.

OP posts:
Andwegoroundagain · 02/09/2024 07:43

Aj18761 · 02/09/2024 07:39

There is about 27k equity. There would be a fee for leaving early in our fixed term and other fees involved too. So I would need to buy him out with that too. I will know more when the mortgage advisor has done his thing.
I have put a claim in with child maintenance because he said he wasn’t going to pay any until I had sold the house.
Thank you everyone. It’s the uncertainty that is really getting to me.

Make sure if you do buy him out that you account for all fees that would have been incurred had you sold.
If he needs to pay off debt, it could be that he'd accept a down-payment to cover his debt and the rest later.
I'd literally just lay it all out clearly
House valued at 100k
Minus:
Redemption fee 2k
Estate agent fee 2k
Solicitors fees 1k
Mortgage 75k etc

And then show him how much is left after all that.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/09/2024 09:40

Aj18761 · 02/09/2024 07:39

There is about 27k equity. There would be a fee for leaving early in our fixed term and other fees involved too. So I would need to buy him out with that too. I will know more when the mortgage advisor has done his thing.
I have put a claim in with child maintenance because he said he wasn’t going to pay any until I had sold the house.
Thank you everyone. It’s the uncertainty that is really getting to me.

Is he still paying towards the mortgage OP?

If so, you need to be very careful about putting in a CMS claim as you may end up worse off.

Say for example he’s currently contributing £450 a month to mortgage/bills, if you put a CMS claim in and it’s £250 (just an example) then he will just pay the £250, and can stop paying anything towards mortgage so you would end up getting less each month overall and are worse off.

If he’s not contributing to the house at all now though definitely put a CMS claim in.

Original poster
Aj18761 · 02/09/2024 11:25

I pay the bills and he pays the mortgage. His payment would be roughly the same as the mortgage so that wouldn't be so bad.
I just can’t believe he would rather see us homeless than let me find my own way in my own time. It’s not like he can have our son either.
I’ve offered to pay all the bills and mortgage so his money is his own, until I find a solution. He just wants a new car.

OP posts:
Edingril · 02/09/2024 11:26

He is not just going to hand you half a house, do you really think he would?

mitogoshi · 02/09/2024 11:37

Yes he can ask you to sell and the court can force the sale - far better to come to a private arrangement eg you'll put the house on the market in January or whatever. If you can't buy him out you have no choice