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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Ex pressuring me to sell house

39 replies

Aj18761 · 01/09/2024 13:35

Hi,
I have recently split with my ex. Things have turned bad and he is accusing me of being up to all sorts and trying to screw him over. We have a young child together. We have a mortgage together and I can afford to take the mortgage on but not to buy him out just yet.
I am seeing a solicitor next week but just wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation?
Can he force me to sell the house?
I have seen so much conflicting evidence online.

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 02/09/2024 11:45

Aj18761 · 02/09/2024 11:25

I pay the bills and he pays the mortgage. His payment would be roughly the same as the mortgage so that wouldn't be so bad.
I just can’t believe he would rather see us homeless than let me find my own way in my own time. It’s not like he can have our son either.
I’ve offered to pay all the bills and mortgage so his money is his own, until I find a solution. He just wants a new car.

If you’re sure his CMS will be the same as the mortgage then okay, but just tread carefully because he doesn’t have to continue paying anything towards the mortgage now so be prepared for that to stop if he is forced to pay CMS.

It’s a difficult situation and I’d really advise protecting yourself as much as you can. In your situation if you can’t take on the mortgage I’d be putting the house up for sale and looking for alternative accommodation x

millymollymoomoo · 02/09/2024 13:44

@Edingril well if total equity is only 27k pre redemption fees and selling costs so share is more like 10k in reality then actually yes I dint see why he shouldn’t tbh

BeckiWithAnI · 02/09/2024 13:59

millymollymoomoo · 02/09/2024 13:44

@Edingril well if total equity is only 27k pre redemption fees and selling costs so share is more like 10k in reality then actually yes I dint see why he shouldn’t tbh

Because as OP says he has debts. Why should he be paying extortionate interest on debts that could be covered with HIS money.
And as for the “only £10k” you could counter that with if it’s “only” £10k then OP should just be able to buy him out.

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel for OP, but this is just the way it is. No one party has more or less right to benefit from the equity in the home.

Another option COULD be for OP to pay ex occupation rent for half the rental value of the property for an agreed amount of time until the property is sold, but he would still be entitled to half the equity and who knows, house prices could be even higher then.

millymollymoomoo · 02/09/2024 14:05

I fully understand he owns 50%
but by the time the house is sold and all monies deducted and his share is perhaps in region of 10k I don’t see why a father would not forgo this in order to keep his child housed rather than buy a car as op indicates.

if it was 100k equity I could understand it but he’s going to turf his child out of a mortgaged home for little equity in order to buy a car. Says a lot about him if you ask me

and we don’t know what debts there are or what repayments are but he’s housed and has a child to consider

Original poster

Aj18761 · 03/09/2024 21:30

Not asking him to hand me half a house. I was asking for advice. And time to find myself and the kids somewhere to live.
thanks everyone else for your advice.

OP posts:

Mickey79 · 03/09/2024 21:56

If you ex is on a ‘normal’ salary, he can’t really move on whilst jointly owning this property. He may be prevented from securing a mortgage for himself in the future ( or with a new partner) and being financially tied to an ex is the last thing anyone would want. Would you pass affordability checks to have the mortgage solely in your name?

BeckiWithAnI · 04/09/2024 07:18

millymollymoomoo · 02/09/2024 14:05

if it was 100k equity I could understand it but he’s going to turf his child out of a mortgaged home for little equity in order to buy a car. Says a lot about him if you ask me

and we don’t know what debts there are or what repayments are but he’s housed and has a child to consider

Housed in single living military accommodation is not suitable for having access to his child overnight, so he is not adequately housed. He may be able to get temporary family quarters for his weekends but then there are not even any guarantees with that. So yes. He is considering his child in that regard.
He needs to be able to move on and so does OP. Like I said she can always offer to pay rent to him to buy herself some time, but that will likely disadvantage her more in the long run and cost more in combination of rent and mortgage.

ETA: even though debts in his name don’t adversely affect her credit score directly, being financially linked to someone with a poor credit score can affect how favourably lenders will look at you when you try to borrow. She needs to sever that financial link to give her a better chance of moving on.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/09/2024 07:22

I can afford to take the mortgage on but not to buy him out just yet.

It sounds like you just want him to lend you his half of the house indefinitely until you can buy him out. That could take years.That is unreasonable and no court will decide that. The house needs to be sold quickly and the assets divided. He isn’t being unreasonable here.

millymollymoomoo · 04/09/2024 08:09

people appear to be missing the point… I agree he owns his share. However, there is t much equity , by the time redemption and selling fees removed there’s even less. And the key thing is ( per op) he’s not looking for that to buy a house to house his child- he wants it to buy a car. That’s not prioritising his child at all nor giving any indication that he wants overnights.

I post on her frequently about women’s expectations bein too high, unfair or u realistic. In this case it is not unrealistic for op to have some time to figure things out

Op, he can’t force you to sell. A court could and may well do. But that takes time. So let him go through that process if he won’t sit and discuss anything red a reasonable time frame. And you use that time to try to work out if you can buy him out ( offer 10k) and take on the mortgage or work out a suitable alternative.

BeckiWithAnI · 04/09/2024 12:15

If ex decides to take OP to court to force a sale it’s not just that it takes time, he could also put in a costs order to reclaim his legal expenses from OP’s share of the property and that could potentially leave her penniless.

How ex wants to spend his share of his money is entirely up to him and has very little to do with anyone else. Regarding paying for his child (a completely different issue) OP can put in a claim for child maintenance. And because he’s Army, if ordered to pay, it can be deducted straight from his salary and he can’t escape paying it the way someone self-employed might.

It’s crap, but stalling will only harm OP, not her ex. She needs to sell.

millymollymoomoo · 04/09/2024 12:25

He won’t get costs ordered against op

i didn’t stay stall. I said it takes time. It is completely unreasonable of op ex to up and leave and expect house to be sold straightaway. Op needs reasonable time to figure it out. And the house could take months and months to sell anyway.

op does not need to rush or dance to his tune

BeckiWithAnI · 04/09/2024 13:10

He can absolutely get costs awarded if it ends up in court because OP stalls or refuses.

House could take months to sell as you say, so what’s the problem with starting the process? It needs to go on the market and unreasonable or not, ex has a right to leave and expect his money as soon as is reasonably practicable.

It’s hard but that’s the cold harsh reality of a relationship breaking down.

LemonTT · 04/09/2024 16:33

It’s worth pointing out that if you stayed on and paid the mortgage his stake in the property won’t change. As the equity increases he still gets 50%.

That might make it more attractive to him and less attractive to you.

BeckiWithAnI · 04/09/2024 16:39

LemonTT · 04/09/2024 16:33

It’s worth pointing out that if you stayed on and paid the mortgage his stake in the property won’t change. As the equity increases he still gets 50%.

That might make it more attractive to him and less attractive to you.

This is exactly right. It’s just kicking the can down the road unless you buy him out.

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