Ex insisting our child arrangement schedule must align with his g/f

[kittycymraig]

My ex is saying our child arrangement schedule need align with his g/f's. This means he will not have any 1-2-1 time with the girls, they will only be there when her kids are there.

We have a schedule that aligns mostly and due to her summer schedule her weekends with the kids have flipped. He has just told me this a few days ago and is Insisting that I change weekends too. (With no notice or discussion)

I've said no and that it is unreasonable for him to ask this. (He has been with this women for over a year and apparently he didn't know)

His relationship seems to be on the rocks and he's said if I don't agree the relationship is untenable. Due to her splitting weekends with her ex, my kids will only be there 24 hrs before her kids come back to her anyway.

To put context into this, I have asked for discussions to find a schedule that we both can agree to and to tie up other loose ends of our separation over the past year. He has refused every time I have asked. He only now wants to discuss the schedule because he messed it up.

AIBU?

I am considering this.

Before he moved in with her. He lived with me...

"This sounds very much like a you problem" would be my reply!!

If it's meant to be a blended family in the long term then YABU for the sake of it.
I saw my Dad every other weekend when my future stepbrother was present.
Had he been going to his Dad's, we'd never have met, spent time together and have the relationship we have now.

Don't get me wrong - now as an adult, I see that must also have worked out very well for them as a couple, having child-free weekends every other weekend.
Nonetheless, I do like my stepbrother very much.
I do recall there was a little bit of jealousy at the start but we got over it, then had holidays as a family, trips etc I don't think the 1-1 time I had with my Dad was any better than with the whole family tbh.

Absolutely not. You shouldn't change your schedule for her and neither should she for you. He is the problem here, and it's his problem if he's about to be kicked out.

How old are the DC, as surely their wants/needs should be the priority here.

A simple "DC, in the weekends when you see your Dad, do you enjoy it when SDC are there, or do you prefer it when they're staying with their dad?" Could answer the question.

They may love time with the gf's DC or they may hate it.

I'd find that out and go from there.

But that isn't just up to the op and her ex and their children.

The gf, and her children also get a say in their preferences especially as the contact is at her house.

This all sounds to me like he love bombed this woman when he realised he needed somewhere to live, and she is now seeing through him. Their relationship is going nowhere regardless of whether op swaps weekends. So the op should work out a plan for what is the best for her and her kids going forward, given he's just clinging on to being kicked out anyway. That would probably involve not striking up any kind of relationship with the gf or her kids, and goes back to my original suggestion of not switching days and the father taking the girls on a little fun hotel trip instead, as that's likely what's gonna happen in the future anyway.

They will still see the other children. They will only miss out on a day and half.