Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Should I throw in the towel?

43 replies

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:06

I'm really considering being a single parent, but I can't tell if things will get better and I will screw us all over? Can you give me your perspective?

The issue is financially I am very dependent until the kids (2 under 2) get older. I have started work part time but it isn't enough to keep us afloat.

He was a dream with our first, but it's going downhill rapidly and he isn't who I married.

I do all day, all night with the kids, the house, everything and go to work completely dead.

He is becoming so grumpy and always swearing. I leave him to have a shower and by the time I'm downstairs chaos has ensued and he is in a mood and swearing. Even when he says I can rest, I have an ear out incase I need to intervene. I have tried to communicate, I've even written it down for him, my boundaries, not to shout at the kids..he generally denies it or says I'm just sensitive.

Am I being too precious? I know a lot of people can shout or swear. So is the swearing and moods not a good enough reason?

I think I just feel that as his moods are escalating that as children get more challenging it will only get worse and I think I see it as a red flag..mainly the denial of it and passing it off as ok. That it only takes one time to lose it and something happen..

He always acts hard done by..me and the youngest sleep on a sofa bed permanently he can't cope on it 🙄 I asked one night in a bed and he says it's your choice to be on the sofa. I guess he always turns everything onto someone else.

He got caught speeding the other day and he managed to turn that into being the police fault for being there...he doesn't seem bothered by it at all
He has a DRO (I bailed him out of some debt but it was too much) and I said that it will effect renting ect but he always has to be right and is adamant that it won't effect him at all. I guess the complete denial of reality so he can be right is driving me mad. There is a lot more that I feel he jeopardised us all just to be "right" that to me is serious but to him nothing, I don't want to waffle on.

I'm not easy either though, I am highly strung and meticulous with being organised. I risk assess everything and overthink.

So maybe we are so opposite we aren't compatible? I'm sure he would find many other faults in me. I'm trying to see my part in this.

Basically am i wrong to divorce in the thick of it? Am I overreacting and blind to my faults?

Would I even manage on my own or end up in complete poverty and kids suffer?

OP posts:
nuttyroche2 · 17/08/2024 10:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

nuttyroche2 · 17/08/2024 10:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Reckless to divorce? Or I am right to go ahead?

OP posts:
Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

That's the thing it never was..its since the second was born it started gradually and just escalating. I've been completely thrown by the personality transplant

OP posts:
nuttyroche2 · 17/08/2024 10:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:25

Of course you will manage on your own ! and if not well off financially so what - you and the children will be better off mentally. this is no life for you or them.
leave, get your ducks in a row make plans and go

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

I didn't didn't forsee the turn of events. If I did obviously different decisions would of been made. So I just need to know going forward what to implement and do. But I also don't want my judgement clouded by my own opinions.

So would you go to a solicitor first? What practical steps ect.

OP posts:
Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:28

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:25

Of course you will manage on your own ! and if not well off financially so what - you and the children will be better off mentally. this is no life for you or them.
leave, get your ducks in a row make plans and go

Thank you, I need to hear this.

The tenancy and house is mine. I just don't know what steps you take, or the practical things. My kids and parents/cousins are all very close.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:29

are you married ?

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:29

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:29

are you married ?

Yes

OP posts:
WhistPie · 17/08/2024 10:31

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:29

are you married ?

I'm pretty sure you have to be married to divorce...

Soonenough · 17/08/2024 10:32

Don't be like me and waste your life and the kids lives . I often say to myself that I wish I had left sooner . As your kids are young I assume you are too. You are able to start over , eventually get a FT job if possible. He will have to pay CM and cover some costs if you can get a good solicitor . Leave him as soon as you can . Even better try to get him to leave as least distrubtive to kids. BTW the kids do called difficult behaviour may cease as less tension and shouting in the home.

ByCupidStunt · 17/08/2024 10:34

The very first thing you need to sort is housing. Have a think about where you will live. This is probably the hardest issue to negotiate.

Next think about how you will support you and the kids. Try to do this single handedly if possible.

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:36

Soonenough · 17/08/2024 10:32

Don't be like me and waste your life and the kids lives . I often say to myself that I wish I had left sooner . As your kids are young I assume you are too. You are able to start over , eventually get a FT job if possible. He will have to pay CM and cover some costs if you can get a good solicitor . Leave him as soon as you can . Even better try to get him to leave as least distrubtive to kids. BTW the kids do called difficult behaviour may cease as less tension and shouting in the home.

Yes my job I can switch to FT at any moment. They currently have 30 hours a week to be picked up, the issue is childcare. Once they are in preschool/nursery my job is very flexible around them, I am also training to move up the ladder in time. I am lucky in that respect.

I guess it's getting him to go now..how do you do that?

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:37

ah yes ! I missed the word divorce in the 2nd last line

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:38

ByCupidStunt · 17/08/2024 10:34

The very first thing you need to sort is housing. Have a think about where you will live. This is probably the hardest issue to negotiate.

Next think about how you will support you and the kids. Try to do this single handedly if possible.

The house although I rent is mine. It's my families home they have from inheritence so my name is on the tenancy. There is no way my 9 auntie and uncles would see us out.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:38

as the tenancy is in your name, you will prob be best getting legal advice on how to get him out ?

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:40

ByCupidStunt · 17/08/2024 10:34

The very first thing you need to sort is housing. Have a think about where you will live. This is probably the hardest issue to negotiate.

Next think about how you will support you and the kids. Try to do this single handedly if possible.

It's supporting them initially I am worried about. Although I have work, it's where my kids can go if I pick up more hours. Then the initial months swapping bills, top up UC over. I'm very scared. And if he gets horrible and difficult.

OP posts:
MissJoGrant · 17/08/2024 10:41

Why are you sleeping on the sofa?

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:41

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:38

as the tenancy is in your name, you will prob be best getting legal advice on how to get him out ?

Where do you get advice from? Do you just call a local solicitor? I know they are expensive 😅

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:42

Aunty and Uncle might let you pay the rent late ? when you are sorting out UC etc

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:43

MissJoGrant · 17/08/2024 10:41

Why are you sleeping on the sofa?

Night feeds, disturbing each other. He will never do a night on there as it isn't comfy enough :(

OP posts:
ByCupidStunt · 17/08/2024 10:45

He's going to have to agree to leave, he can't be forced.

Do you think he'll agree if you ask him?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:45

You know you could try the obivious

  • I am no longer happy in this marriage, and as a result we will be getting divorced, I want you to move out now.
as the children and I will be staying here in this home / house / property

but make sure your ducks are ready before you say that

Pineapplecake23 · 17/08/2024 10:50

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/08/2024 10:45

You know you could try the obivious

  • I am no longer happy in this marriage, and as a result we will be getting divorced, I want you to move out now.
as the children and I will be staying here in this home / house / property

but make sure your ducks are ready before you say that

Yes, have I thought about all the ducks?

.ask parents/family if in the interim do odd sleepovers so I can do a few night shifts for work before I can fund nursery and do day hours when they are open.

.ask about forgoing rent until bills change over, then I can payment plan the money back.

.get legal advice. Child arrangements, financial order and dissolution of marriage. Is that all the things?

Obviously I will chat to family first to ensure support is in place and just incase anything gets messy when I ask and I need kids out of the environment.

OP posts: