Telling the child the truth…

[Yogazmum]

XDH admitted a few weeks ago to having an affair. He has met someone else through work and has ‘fallen in love’ with her.

We have a child who is 11.
We haven’t told the child we are separating yet but plan to do so over the next few days.

XDH doesn’t want to tell the child he has met someone else… wants to do the ‘we love you but we don’t love each other..’ route.

i disagree. I want to say we love you but Daddy has fallen out of love with mummy because he’s fallen in love with another lady.
It will be age appropriate and I feel he’s old enough to understand.

XDH is very keen to move on quickly, buying another house and having the new partner move in with him so the child will meet the new partner pretty soon.

i feel XDH is trying to absolve himself of his guilt by not telling the truth and fear the child will think it’s my fault for asking Daddy to leave the marital home as i’m hoping to keep it for a while after the divorce/finances are sorted.

Any advice from those who have been in a similar position ?

Children don’t need to know the in’s and out’s of parents divorce. In fact the less they know the better. Him cheating is devastating for you but it’s not your son’s fault and he deserves to have a good relationship with his father despite what his dad’s done.. unless he’s been a shithead to his son? Don’t try and turn him against dad.. it’s not about protecting his dad it’s about protecting your son. Don’t involve him in adult issues, it’s not appropriate and people justifying it saying he’s age 11 Jesus Christ he’s still a kid and he’s gonna have his world turned upside down enough, don’t make it worse for him.

"Daddy doesn’t love mummy any more as he loves another lady who isn’t mummy."

The way you plan to phrase it suggests that your child is a very young 11. If he's still on "mummy and daddy" then it's probably going to be better to tread carefully.

Also, the "isn't he lucky, 2 lots of bedding" shite is just that. Shite. Don't tell him he's lucky as if it's doing him a favour.

To a kid that's about to go to high school in a couple of weeks I'd say, your dad is moving out because he's been seeing someone else. He still loves you as much, that will never change and you'll see both of us as much as you want to. Parents can fall out of love with each other but never, ever, their child.

Then let him ask any questions he wants.