Child maintenance

[Lostparent996]

I currently earn £26 000 a year before tax. I pay £300 a month for my two children plus dance which is £60 a month and yet I keep getting asked for more money toward holidays, iPad and school uniform. I’m just interested to see if I should be paying half for those things or paying more at all?

I want to do the right thing, but I also want to be able to afford my own bills and be able to treat my children in my own time when I have them.

Just to add whenever I resist against handing over more money, I get emotional blackmailed with things like “they will grow up to resent you” and “why can’t you be a proper parent”.

Feeling very lost at the moment, like I’m just not good enough. I don’t want to end up in a situation where she says ‘jump’ and I say ‘how high’. I left the home and didn’t take anything, I thought doing that and paying child maintenance would be enough?

Have you used the CMS calculator? That should tell you the minimum amount you should be paying according to how many nights a week the DC are with you overnight (it goes on overnights).

Do that first, then come back.

So the money you personally have to live on after paying maintenance and dance is about £1500 and I assume from that you are paying for somewhere that accommodates your children when you have them?

Then as long as what you pay is in line with the cms then I think you're fine

Yes it's nice if the non-resident parent contributes more -but not everyone can

£34.60 per child per week isn't really a lot to keep a child clothed, fed and looked after. I know you aren't well paid, but I'm not surprised you are being asked to chip in more. Can't you pick up a second part time job or side hassle?

He’s paying £360 per month which is presumably more than CMS minimum.

He can’t give her money that he hasn’t got.

It’s not a great deal of money per child - how much income does your ex have? Very difficult to judge.
however, kids are expensive, that said emotional blackmail belongs nowhere!

£60 is just for dance class. His actual contribution is £34.60 per child per week.

Where are you getting that number from?

£360 x 12 / 52
/2
Is 41.54

Holidays- holiday childcare or a family trip somewhere ?

IPad- it’s hard enough as a parent to make sure that your home has devices for the kids.

How often do you see the kids ?

Only if you can afford more should you pay more. If your paying £360 a month and then house the children and your ex pays £360 words the children and houses them also then £720 a month for clothes, food and days out is pretty good for 2 children.

Hi, yes the calculator says I should pay £270 a month

How often do you have the children overnight?

If you can't afford more then you can't.

I think it would be better to increase it a little but say that's it, no more don't ask for the next 12 months.

Do you have equitable lifestyles?

Have your kids half the time, pay no maintenance and pay half of the expenses. Then you can't be told they will resent you and to be a proper parent. I don't think men understand how limiting it is to have kids all the time except a few days a month. How are women meant to work, keep the house clean, buy food, go to the gym, have a social life when men hardly have the kids.

Schoo uniform is expensive to kit my one kid out it has cost £150 and that's with some stuff bought second hand.

Kids need devices these days but It doesn't have to be the most expensive device going. Supply the child with a device for your house and they can sort their house.

You take them on holiday yourself and then you can say I have taken them on their own you take them on your own.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you don't take your kids on holiday. What happens in the school holiday?

On 26000 a year, paying £360 per month towards children and then paying for your own housing needs ( which also needs to include enough space for the children when you have them) sounds reasonable to me. I think this will be a genuine case of not having much left to spare.

OP - more context is needed

With the greatest of respect, £26k is not much, so to pay £360 out of that seems a lot, however:

What are you housing costs?

How many nights a week do you see the kids?

If it makes you feel any better, I pay over £3k a month to my ex DW and she still asks me to pay for extras like classes / trips / clothes

The greed of ex Dw's knows no bounds, so get used to emotional blackmail to cough up - as they say on here the other way around, you need to put boundaries in place, which is what I've started to do.

Good look mate.

I also am unable to have them over night and she constantly changes the plan as to when I am supposed to have them. I used to have them 3 days a week every week but she change it to every other weekend as she said the other arrangement didn’t work for her. I constantly offer to have them and am always told she has other plans so I can’t, I feel she has taken them away from me and taken all the control. The last time I said I couldn’t afford to pay more she told me the next time I would see my children would be in court.

Holidays that you don't go on with them? Hard no from me.
iPad, do they have devices at yours?
Uniform can be expensive if branded and again do they have a set at yours?

My ex pays £200 a month which is not far off how much I think he can afford and still have a reasonable quality of life around our kids too.

That's the standard ex DW strategy for more £

Sadly CMS is pay for play, and if your exDW is the primary carer, she is in control of the nights per week (baring a court order)

Get used to be fucked, sorry.

Or go to court, which is going to be impossible on a £26k salary, saying this as a record as on here,all men are twunts who don't want to see / pay for their kids

Hi, yes the calculator says I should pay £270 a month

If she is messing you around and using the children against you then you need to get contact formalised in court. You can self represent and if you have previously had almost equal contact then there is no reason a judge wouldn't allow more nights or even 50/50. Even if you only got every other weekend at least this would stop the ex changing things on a whim.

I unable to have them over night and she constantly changes the plan as to when I am supposed to have them. I used to have them 3 days a week every week but she change it to every other weekend as she said the other arrangement didn’t work for her. I constantly offer to have them and am always told she has other plans so I can’t, I feel she has taken them away from me and taken all the control. The last time I said I couldn’t afford to pay more she told me the next time I would see my children would be in court.

Yep, heard that line before

I feel for you mate, it's all about control and money - for whatever reason exDW's want to punish you.

Go and get a free hour with a lwayer and use the internet to work out how to make a court order for the time you should have with your kids.

It makes me very sad you're being treated in this way.

Are you unable to have them overnight because your accommodation doesn't support it or because she won't let you? If the latter, you need to go to court.

@CoparentingDad I hope you're not including all women in these statements you're making?

£69.20 a week per child is plenty to feed and clothe a child