Child maintenance

[Lostparent996]

I currently earn £26 000 a year before tax. I pay £300 a month for my two children plus dance which is £60 a month and yet I keep getting asked for more money toward holidays, iPad and school uniform. I’m just interested to see if I should be paying half for those things or paying more at all?

I want to do the right thing, but I also want to be able to afford my own bills and be able to treat my children in my own time when I have them.

Just to add whenever I resist against handing over more money, I get emotional blackmailed with things like “they will grow up to resent you” and “why can’t you be a proper parent”.

Feeling very lost at the moment, like I’m just not good enough. I don’t want to end up in a situation where she says ‘jump’ and I say ‘how high’. I left the home and didn’t take anything, I thought doing that and paying child maintenance would be enough?

Let her take you to court and get a schedule made up, that way she can’t mess you about changing dates

It's £300, not £360. The £60 is for a dance club.

But that's still money towards his dc?

A bit more than CMS minimum isn't really something to applaud. This is why the breadline figures are heavily weighted towards women and children.

It's for 2 children. I know I couldn't feed, clothe, holiday club, aftershchool club TWO children on £69.20.

Why don’t you have your children for overnight stays?

Yeh so for one week for 2 children would be £138.40 because the mum also has to contribute. Do they use paid childcare? Not everyone needs to

Sounds like you need to prioritise saving up to go to court and get a CAO.

Are you a good parent? When you have them, do you clothe them appropriately? Wash their hair? Do their spellings / homework's? Take them to dance class, friends parties, the summer Fayre? Do you turn up to sports day? Buy presents at Mother's Day etc?

Or do you take them to McDonald's & the park and return them tired & dirty?

Do you have appropriate accommodation for them to stay with you?

Do you have prospects to increase your income? £26k isn't massive. What training are you doing to improve your living standards?

Resolve the above and you can take the next step and go to court and get proper access.

I get that, but she also has to put a roof over their heads and pay their bills. Without outsourcing childcare, how does she work full time. I couldn't do it.

Say mum does work full time and needs childcare (she also may not) she will get a full time wage, child benefit for 2 children, maintenance and more than likely UC. So she could actually be bringing home more than the dad each month. I don’t think if childcare is needed it is fair mum pays for all. Dad in this case will be bringing home around £1700 a month - £360 he’s paying for children then probably £1000 rent/mortgage and bills could be more could be less depending on his living situation but then he’s already down to £340 left before he’s even fed himself. I understand as a single mum it’s hard but I also think sometimes people forget dads need to put a roof over their heads and pay bills also

But why is the burden greater on the tax payer than the father? In my head if he can't make ends meet earning a standard 38 - 40 hours, then he need to do what my dad did and what my husband does and put in more hours.

Totally agree with the more hours it’s the obvious thing to do you need more money you work more and that applies to both parents.

26k is about 1800pm take home. After CM he has 1440pm. housing, bills etc on 1440pm is hardly living the life of riley- especially when we don’t know where he lives which will affect housing cost.

Admittedly we don’t know how much mum earns too. She may have expenses like childcare which won’t be fully subsidised by UC if she meets that criteria but hopefully she’ll be claiming things like child benefit which will help a little. Asking for help with luxuries like iPads and holidays doesn’t look good but school uniform sounds like a more reasonable request but again, we don’t know if mum qualifies for a uniform subsidy or what year the kids are in because not all school years are equally expensive for uniform.

The fact the mum is dangling the kids in front of the dad in exchange for luxuries like iPads also doesn’t look good

If their mum is on a low income she will be getting some help plus child benefit so saying his money is half what it takes to keep them isn't really accurate. Plus if he's having overnights etc then he's also paying there