Ex’s Stuff: Can I dump it outside his?

[drainedparent]

So I had some of my old stuff and sons stuff at my exes house. His son’s stuff too. His mam collected my stuff and when I’ve went through the bags, he’s bagged rubbish from his bedroom and also his shite like his clothes.

i don’t see why it should be up to me to dispose of it. He’s done it deliberately. His new girlfriends sister is a police officer, I don’t want to get done for fly tipping, but I really want to bag up what isn’t mine and either put in his shed or at his. I know I could save drama by just taking it to the tip but it’s not the point. If I message about it, he’ll tell me to bin it, but it isn’t my responsibility. I’m chronically ill and it’s gonna take me ages to get through it

Personally I would go through it and bin what you don't want. It's not worth the drama and that's probably what he's looking for.

Can your son or someone help you go through it?

If your stuff and your sons stuff is in there you'll have to go through it anyway.

Ask him if you can keep the money you found in his stuff?

My son is 4 haha. And it’s old t shirts and squashed Pepsi cans. There is approximately 18 bags and half of that is rubbish from his house. They do this to me because I’m so quiet. It’s his not mine, why should I dispose of it?

will I get done for fly tipping if I re bag what isn’t mine and drop it off at his front door or shed?

He doesn’t have a penny to his name. It’s rubbish like kitchen roll, empty pop cans, packets of rubbish.

if I re bag it, can I not just drop it off at his house?

You can do what you want with it, you just need to decide if making a point iis worth the hassle.

He's after that reaction, you'll piss him off more by just disposing of it.

Is your son also his son? If not and you don't have to have any more contact with him then go for it.

How will it be less effort for you to sort through it bag it up and take it to his house, than it would be to sort through it bag it up and take it to the tip?

Will it cause more drama to drop it at his or to take it to the tip?

I think you are wanting to make a point, and while I can understand the desire to do that, it feels like this is one of those situations where you need to take a step back, a deep breath and pick your battle.

You have a child with this person, you are interlinked for the rest of your lives whether you like it or not, so you need to be selective about when you choose to make a point and when you let it go.

Just let him know that you'll be dropping it off at 6pm on Friday or whatever and if no one is in you'll leave it on his doorstep unless he'd prefer you to leave it in his shed/garden.

Disposing of it yourself is technically damage / theft so don't do that if they're likely to play silly beggars.

Just bag it up and put it in the bin. And draw a line under this

I think PPs suggesting to say that so he'll ask for his stuff back to get the money. I have no idea on legalities, there is a legal section on here, someone on their might know. You can ask MN to move your thread if you want to. My XH left lots of junk when he moved out last year, so much to sort through. I remember years ago feeling like you're feeling, just not wanting him to win for once, but now if it was me Id just do a tip run and get it out of the house and not taking up space in my thoughts and eating away at my emotions.

Honestly I have the same mentality as you. That’s all I’ve been doing especially since his new relationship. He got his new gf to call me up the other week, verbally abused me for 2 hours. He didn’t message or call to see his son, which he hasn’t seen him for 3 weeks, but will have the energy to call me names. I didn’t say one thing back. Just so so so sick of being the bigger person.

in my opinion just dropping off his stuff even though I know he doesn’t want it, seems reasonable from an outsiders point of view, as he’s dumped it on me, and it’s not as nasty as what he has done to me.

Yeah our son together that he’s put last since his new relationship. Whether I breathe or disagree with him, I’ll always be in the wrong. He might get ‘angry’ about it but I’m hoping in the long run it’ll just let them know not to take the piss by dumping his shite on me

I think they’ll be more technical if I drop it in his garden and say it’s ’fly tipping’. His sister is a police officer and I bet they’re dying for me to do something wrong especially legally

I wouldn’t dump it at his house OP, if he wanted to be difficult he could report it as fly tipping and then you’re stuck paying a fine. I can understand why you want to but honestly it’s not worth the hassle or potential fine.

Also, find the hang up button on your phone or the block button, you don’t have to sit and listen to his girlfriend for 2 minutes nevermind 2 bloody hours

He got his new gf to call me up the other week, verbally abused me for 2 hours

You have to stand up. You have the power. No way would I let someone abuse me on the phone for 2 hours - I'd have hung up after 2 seconds.

Take the bags to the rubbish dump. Draw a line and move on. Hard because you share a child but cut off as much as you can.

Please tell me you didn't listen to abuse on the phone for two hours? That can't be true,

I think they’ll be more technical if I drop it in his garden and say it’s ’fly tipping’. His sister is a police officer and I bet they’re dying for me to do something wrong especially legally

Which is why you say you're dropping his possessions back on whatever date.

For context this is some of the stuff that he’s packed. None of it mine, don’t drink fizzy. He’s emptied hoover contents and everything into this bag. There is genuinely 20 bags of shite

What a turd of a man

Omg! Insanity

Exactly 😭 I was expecting actual belongings. There is a few bags of clothes (our sons clothes not ‘just’ mine) and some of his clothes. Odd thing mine and the rest genuine rubbish. He knows I’m chronically ill and struggle with energy. He doesn’t have a car and I do, and he’s just gave it to his mam, who gave it to me. Me and her not knowing until it was at mine, that a lot of it was genuine rubbish

I know hence why out of principle I want to give it back

I agree!

Sounds like his mum bought the contents of his dust bin.
Maybe in error or not.
But as pp said throw it in the skip and draw a line under it.
I know, I know you're hurting.
He's got a new relationship and is ignoring your son.
You're are ill and being abused.
You want to hit back , hurt him too.
But this is just tit for tat.
You have no energy because you are using it all up hating the person.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
So bin the crap and do something good for you and his son.

I genuinely understand where you’re coming from. It’s not coming from a perspective about tit for tat. So much has happened where I’ve been the bigger person, drew a line under everything. I have an extremely small home and I can’t get up my upstairs. I agreed to take my things (and his sons stuff too) not rubbish from his bedroom.