15 year old daughter, ex husband and control.

[Setorrunny]

Briefly, been divorced for years and my ex still sees DD a couple of times a month. She is at a (rare) state comprehensive which also offers boarding. She wants to board for her GCSE year and admittedly the boarders get lots more after school support with prep, etc. Academically she isn’t doing well and school Have said boarding will help, plus she’s also really keen.

Ex husband wants to block it. He has no reason beyond “I don’t agree and I don’t have to provide a reason.” Given that she wouldn’t be changing school and would only be there Monday to Friday anyway, and that this is for HER benefit, can he stop?

DD will be devastated if she can’t do it and it’s only for one year anyway!

Sorry I can't help, but wishing you the best of luck. He is doing it because he can and will lose all respect from his DD (especially if he can't give a valid reason). I agree, you can't mediate with an abuser. Your case is exceptional and should be treated with urgency. If you're not getting your money back, they should hold the place for as long as you've paid it.

I'm sorry your ex is putting his pathetic ego above his daughter's welfare. I hope you can go to court and get it sorted. If your DD is 15, I would imagine a judge taking her wishes into account when reaching a decision. He is an idiot for risking his long term relationship his daughter 🙄 I've no advice but hopefully some legal people on here might be able to advise! Good luck and best wishes to you and your DD 💐

E-mail him to say you think it is worth going to mediators about this. Hopefully he will instantly write back to say 'nothing to discuss', and then you can put on your Court form that he refused mediation and go right ahead.

Yes he does, via CMS as he was under declaring his earnings.

Well go me. Done. Paid the fee. Bring it on.

Well done! Your dd will know that you're fighting his control and you're teaching her a hugely valuable lesson here as well as taking every possible step to help her get the education she wants.

No advice but good luck. You are definitely teaching your daughter some great lessons here.
Does he have a reason he is refusing permission (apart from being a controlling abuser)?

I imagine that he resents paying child maintenance if dd isn't going to be at home? But OP is paying the boarding fees (the tuition is free) which will equate to the costs of having her at home, so OP doesn't get to frivol with the CM! Perhaps he thinks of it as 'wages', and that OP is getting the money without 'working' for it .....

Not always fathers.

we went through similar with sds. He wanted to move in with us mon-fri to attend a specialist maths 6th form literally at the top of our road- 10 mins walk.

his mum blocked it. Guilted him into staying with her and going to a standard 6th form an hour and two buses away. In the opposite direction to us so contact also reduced dramatically as he couldn’t pop round on an evening and was shattered at weekends.

unfortunately it’s dh’s and sdc relationship that suffered. Too much “he’s trying to take you away from me” and “he only wants the sms, I’m not paying for you to be taken off me”. Not seeing the irony.

Well done for fighting him op! Too many people (mainly fathers) see children as a battle ground to continue a war with their ex. It disgusts me. Your dds father should be truly ashamed of himself.

Well done what a spiteful twat he is

Well done OP and this is really worth keeping in mind. You DD will trust and know you have her back and are trying every route to support her but also she'll see what it's like to fight back against controlling people. I really hope it works out for you but you're setting a wonderful example for her either way.

This is an old thread but I’m dying to know the outcome. I’m dealing with a similar situation currently.

Court is your only option. He really hates you. What a twat he is

I was thinking about this the other day, I read the thread at the time. I was wondering the outcome? Hope it all went well, I forsee similar issues in the future.

Well hello there!

The ex backed off when DD said she would never ever speak to him again. Then he wrote to school to say that he actually DID consent to DD’s place but that everyone was to be very clear that he was in no way liable for any costs. I showed DD the email and it’s clear it’s all about money as usual. So DD got her boarding place and absolutely loved it.

Ex is still a twat about loads of petty things but they all see it, and now see him pretty rarely TBH. He’s a pathetic specimen. And living well is the very best revenge.

Thank you for providing an update. It’s nearly always about money isn’t it? I’m convinced that’s the root of the latest tantrum by my ExH.

It was ALL about it. In every single emailed rant there wasn’t a single mention of the wellbeing of DD. I didn’t withdraw the court application and eh consulted his esteemed lawyers who pointed out what a dick he was being. He said he wasn’t afraid to go to court and I said I’d be fucking well delighted to attend, self represent and watch his arguments which were non existent beyond “I don’t want to pay.”

So I won. And he called this “parental alienation.” I said it’s hard to argue parental alienation when you refuse to see your own kids despite their mother begging, under declare your earnings and then upset everyone because you won’t pay school fees. I said even “Fathers For Justice” would call him a loony.

He’s amusing. And quite mentally unwell I think. But heavily insured so…

This is lovely to hear! So glad for you and your daughter. Always about money and control, never about the kids... mine are younger but same arguments about refusing to let them do certain hobbies unless I pay... when I am already and will continue to do so. I see this being my future, I just hope my kids see his antics for themselves... at the moment they listen to him badmouthing me at every turn!

Also really pleased to read that update

i love it when an utter arsehole gets their come uppance. May he rot in his own piss.