15 year old daughter, ex husband and control.

[Setorrunny]

Briefly, been divorced for years and my ex still sees DD a couple of times a month. She is at a (rare) state comprehensive which also offers boarding. She wants to board for her GCSE year and admittedly the boarders get lots more after school support with prep, etc. Academically she isn’t doing well and school Have said boarding will help, plus she’s also really keen.

Ex husband wants to block it. He has no reason beyond “I don’t agree and I don’t have to provide a reason.” Given that she wouldn’t be changing school and would only be there Monday to Friday anyway, and that this is for HER benefit, can he stop?

DD will be devastated if she can’t do it and it’s only for one year anyway!

Presumably he would have to take it to court and pay whatever that costs? I have no experience but from everything I have read on here, I believe that as she is 15 her wishes would be taken into account, particularly as the teachers are supportive.

Why does he need to know anything about it if he only sees her a couple of times a month?

I would arrange for her to board he will then have ti get a prohibitive steps order to block it. Your DD will be listened to what she wants.

She’s all set up to go and is very excited. This has prompted lots of frothing from her dad who reckons I’m overriding his parental responsibility and he is talking to his solicitor tomorrow.

He thinks he can block it via school as they haven’t asked for a signature from him. This is all so he doesn’t look like an even bigger dick in front of DD because she knows he won’t be paying for it.

Astounding level of spite eh?

And just like that, he wrote to the achool
and told them he doesn’t give consent so they are not giving her the boarding place AND I lose the deposit and a term’s boarding fee.

what if anything can I do?

I think you need to speak to a lawyer to see if what he wants can be set aside in favour of what’s best for your daughter.

The only thing you can do is go to court.

Apply to court yourself for a specific issue order. Quickly.

This. And publicly shame him.

Ok - how do I do that? Presumably I can self represent.

Yes you can self rep.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge#:~:text=Form-,Apply%20for%20a%20court%20order%20to%20make%20arrangements%20for%20a,be%20able%20to%20apply%20online.

Thereby losing his dd forever….
she is t goi g to want to see him now

perhaps that’s what he wanted

He does realise that this may cost him all contact with dd? After all, you might as well be truthful as to what he's done so that she understands why she might not go to boarding school - he did it, he's presumably prepared to stand by his actions and there is no reason for you to cover up his shit attitude.

You should definitely tell her what he’s done - and what you’re going to do to try and reverse it

Told her. She’s devastated and messaging him but he won’t discuss it.

Take him to court like the pp said, quickly as, Make sure she knows you are doing everything you can to get this sorted.

Be sure and inform the school that you're applying for a specific issues order so they hold your space (that you've paid for!).

Ok got the forms but it says we have to mediate first. We didn’t mediate before we divorced as he had been abusive, and when I suggested mediation more recently, to address issues such as this he refused to engage.

How do I deal with that hurdle?

Ask the school if they can hold the place for a few weeks, OP.

Does he pay child support?

What a spiteful dick!! Really showing his true colours to DD. I'm assuming you are paying the boarding element? Not that it matters, he should be encouraging her at this stage in her education.

Book mediation, explain the abuse and they should sign it off as unsuitable for mediation.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall in court. You and DD giving excellent reasons for, and DDs obvious consent. ExDH saying no just because......

He would have to give a reason surely? Seems crazy he can just block without a reason.

Label your application to court as urgent. If there's any history of abuse/control with him then that would negate the need for you to mediate as you at mediate with an abuser. Eurgh. Going through similar ATM with regards to home ed. Blocking it because he can. No reason given Becky there isn't one (children are ND and not coping in mainstream). It's ridiculous. I don't understand why decisions like this are not weighted according to the amount of parenting /contact each parent is responsible for, would prevent so much of this nonsense from feckless absent controling so-called "fathers". You have my sympathies.