Dating a divorced man

[Sackey]

Hi, I’m 26 and I’m dating a man (34) with 3 kids under the age of 10, he’s separated from his wife and he lives with the kids. I love him so much and willing to accept his marriage proposal but I need advice on that first . Please advise me . Thank you

How is he going to just give his children to his wife, if he marries you? Is he planning on never seeing them again?

And why does he want another three? He must earn a lot.

You need to read the step parenting board here.

The more you write, the more this seems wrong to me.
You write of him saying the kids will go back to their mum if you have yours? That doesn't sound like a loving dad to me.
Get out now.
You are young enough to meet someone else without all this .
Perhaps look into some counselling to help you build your self esteem?

"We've had the discussion of having my own kids , and he told me the 3kids will be with their mother if we get married,"

Did he? What a heartless bastard.

Indeed. But he's planning another three with the OP.
🤣

Don’t marry this guy.

When the going gets tough and he can’t look after those kids because of work (or whatever) and his ex is being unhelpful or obstructive, it’s YOU who will get dumped on to take responsibility for them. Good luck with that!

This has red flags all over it. Don’t marry him, just don’t. 🚩🚩

You don't want an excuse for hm to see his ex?! Oh dear. You just showed your hand. Presumably you meant you suggested the kids live with us?

Anyway, you're clearly deeply immature. His Ex is the mother of his children. She will ALWAYS be in their life and you will need to deal with her too.

The single guy you dated was a twat. What do close friends and family think? Sounds like you don't shave much of a radar for who could be bad news or not.

You have doubts
You say you feel trapped
This man is going to marry you when you've known each other less than 2 years, when there are kids involved--madness!!!!!
He's going to marry you and then prioritise you over his kids by making them live with their mum more red flag not prioritising his children

Put the brakes on, don't marry him, enjoy the dating and honeymoon period.

This has disaster written all over it.

..............he told me the 3 kids will be with their mother if we get married, but I don't want him to have an excuse to go and see his ex.

I suggested the kids live with us.

Interesting. What does the children's mother think of this plan?

She said she is busy and can't take care of them fully

Thank you for all the advise, I'm so grateful and appreciate you all. I'm so glad to be part of this online community ❤️

So the children's mother is quite happy to let them go and live with a 26 year old stepmother.

A woman who plans to have three children of her own.

Then don't marry him.

You seem very passive, young and not at all ready for this relationship.

This will not end well or be the fairytale you seem to want.

Hopefully OP you feel strong enough to not do anything you don't want to do and it sounds like you don't want to be married to this guy.
You are so so young.
Go and enjoy life as a single woman, date / don't date, it doesn't matter, just don't tie yourself down to what sounds like will be a difficult situation. And sending his kids back to their mum once he has them with you is an awful thing for him to suggest. Those poor kids.

Good luck OP

You don’t have to get married! You are young and have not been with him that long.

Do you live together with him and his children? How is that going?

Why are you saying, He is planning on marrying me in November, as if it has nothing to do with you? Have you booked a wedding, dress, invitations etc?

no way in hell

Why did he and his wife spilt up?

you are young with lots of time.

go have a read of the step parenting part of the site and have a big think.

you are losing much more than you are gaining

This post sounds crazy!? So many red flags on both sides of this relationship. Don’t get married!!

And when he moves on to his third wife, you can keep ‘your’ three kids so he can have more kids with her? 🙃

Don’t believe he will treat you and your children differently from his previous family.

Run!

Will you be happy for his third wife to have your three children in the event of your marrying him and then divorcing?

And if that happens, will you keep the first wife's three?

You haven't thought this through.

And the children? You really think they will be happy with you running their show? You don't think the children might prefer to be with their Mum with Dad running round to see them? Don't be foolish.
As for their Mum, she will reject this plan and she will be right. They are her children, not yours. Cut across her now and she will make your life a misery.
You are way out of your depth with this man and the family set-up. Back out while you still can.

Well are you ready to become a mother to three young kids? This sounds a lot. I'd move in with him first and see what it's like.