STBEXH says no solicitor and no Form E

[planAplanB]

This suggests he's either being very stupid or devious, doesn't it?

He also says that his income is of no relevance to how we split the assets.

He earns x3 more than me.

Could someone please advise? There are kids involved, imbalance of income, mortgage, pensions and company shares to untangle yet he thinks we are going to simply split everything 50:50 including time with the children... without a solicitor.

I don't know much but get a solicitor. Don't listen to him, he is out for himself. He isn't thinking about what he best for you.

Well yes, of course you need a solicitor, but it sounds like it's going to be really difficult and expensive.

What is your situation now re assets, is there a lot to fight over?

It a huge amount to fight over. I would need enough to get a suitable house for me and the kids though and a 50:50 split would not enable this.

I meant that it's NOT a huge amount

OP, if he is that much of a knob, there is probably more to fight over than you are aware of.

You need a solicitor.

Fair point!

If you've not yet filed for divorce, do so. You don't need a solicitor for that but obviously do for the financials. If you file, your solicitor drives the process.

My STBEH also didn't want to use solicitors or rush into divorce. I don't trust him so spoke to two solicitors and filed for divorce. I did give him a couple of days notice which was a bit risky as he could have filed first.

It will take around a year so be patient but start the process.

Sounds similar to mine,
he can’t stop you getting a solicitor.
mine was very helpful - she could have written to him etc but I wanted to try to do things collaboratively first.
i told him I to go to mediation.
he said no.
but then he thought about it and reluctantly agreed.
if you ask and invite him to mediation and he refuses it will look badly on him if it does end up in court (and I dont think you can ask court to decide unless you’ve tried mediation).

mediation is much cheaper than solicitor - you get a voucher from the government if you’re discussing kids too.

mine didn’t like it as the mediator suggested what a court might consider fair (income/earning power does come into it) but ultimately it did get him thinking and I’m with what we agreed in the end. He never did get a solicitor which made things hard but mine just dealt with him directly.

And definitely start the divorce process online,
will show him you’re serious and you can’t do anything else (like get financials signed off) for 6 months anyway! So get that clock ticking. You can do it, don’t need solcitor for that bit

My DH and his ex were going to do it amicably and between themselves. 2 years later they engaged solicitors and finally got into the timetable of exchange of information etc
the thing that costs money with solicitors is when you ask them to respond to everything and get them to fill in docs like the form E
do as much as possible yourselves

Ultimately as well, this is the start of you doing what's best for you. You don't have to do what he wants any more. Be reasonable together but get advice and get what you need to build a new home

Ps. To those saying mediation is cheaper, that is only true if the person you’re dealing with is genuinely open to it! Mediation with my ex was an expensive waste of money

He doesn't get a say in what you do anymore. He also does not have your best interests at heart. Of course you need Form E, how else do you make sure the division is equitable? File online as PPs have said and take control of the process.

Why is 50:50 not ok though if you are sharing the children 50:50? He needs to house them too?

Im in Scotland though so here it is 50:50 normally so thats what happened to me despite salary imbalance plus I was having the kids 12/14 nights.

Tell him you have taken legal advice and have been told that if he refuses to co-operate you’ll just both end up having to go to court, where the Judge WILL order full financial disclosure, it’s standard. And he could be held in contempt of court if he doesn’t comply.

He can dick around but you’ll both just waste the next five years of your life fighting before eventually coming to the same outcome, meanwhile spending tens of thousands that could have been in your pockets or saved for the kids, and the only people who then win are the solicitors. 💰

It's in the OP, H earns 3x OP's salary.

Makes no difference in Scotland though!

My ExH refused to do a Form E and represented himself in court. It went to a full financial hearing and the judge ruled on the basis of what information he had from my Form E. I was 'awarded' the house outright as that was our only asset - no pension etc and he didnt pay child or spousal maintenance. This was 15 years ago now and cost me £16k including child hearings (he was and still is a very difficult man) but it was worth every penny. Nearly paid off the mortgage now meanwhile he is going through his 2nd divorce and is renting. Karma is a wonderful thing.

I was your soon to be ex husband OP in that I early 3x him and didn't want to do Form E or involve solicitors too heavily. Why? Because the costs would have been much higher and I begrudged paying lawyers money that should go on the children. I also had nothing to hide - we went down the simpler D81 form route

Have to say my income wasn't particularly relevant either on the D81 - the form does include a section on monthly income before / after the divorce but salary is salary - division of assets makes no difference to salary if you are talking about who gets a greater share of the house or split of pensions - salary is what you earn on your own merits...

Salary is relative
if op earns £20k and ex earns £60k that won’t be considered high to warrant much higher split. If op earns 50 and ex 150 it might impact a bit

if there are enough assets to provide fir needs on 50:50 that is likely to be awarded. If reasonable needs can’t be met then courts might consider deviating split %

needs doesn’t mean buying houses - can be renting too. If children are shared 50:50 housing needs are identical

If you have complicated finances - and company shares might fall into that category, it would be worth seeking advice from solicitor and help to value those and the pension

as said upthread it’s not always the case that not completing firm e or solicitors means they are out to shaft the other party - we didn’t do this for the reasons @questionningmyself states- didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily

I also have to say that we did the whole thing without a form E. if you come to agreement you will not have to submit that to court - you’d submit a D81 instead which is less detailed.

I really think the first step should be to try mediation,
my ExH was very resistant to begin with but with a bit of time accepted it was going to happen and we got there kind of amicably (well without having to go to court to ask them to decide, which undoubtedly probably would’ve benefited me financially but I have what I need and was weighing up the emotional impact and impact on kids and our ongoing co parenting)

Go to mediation but be pre armed with advice from your own solicitor about what your red lines should be

Stop talking to him and get a really good fierce solicitor. Of course he’s trying to bulldoze you - his aim is to shaft you.

His income is completely relevant 🤣 unfortunately for him! And yes he will have to do a form E 🤣🤣 and no - if you’ve done most of the childcare and/or your career has taken a back seat for this and he’s forged ahead - it won’t be a 50-50 split.

Don’t even engage. Get a solicitor, make sure they’re a fierce one - get a recommendation if you can - then when he’s furious about it just be bland and niiiiiice - ‘Oh, I think it a afar better idea, it’s so complicated isn’t it? - I’d hate for it to end up unfair as silly old us didn’t know what we were doing’ smiley smile 😊

See a solicitor! You need to drive the divorce. I didn’t and so he dictated the timetable.
It can be hugely expensive if he is obstructive but you can’t do this yourself.