STBEXH says no solicitor and no Form E

[planAplanB]

This suggests he's either being very stupid or devious, doesn't it?

He also says that his income is of no relevance to how we split the assets.

He earns x3 more than me.

Could someone please advise? There are kids involved, imbalance of income, mortgage, pensions and company shares to untangle yet he thinks we are going to simply split everything 50:50 including time with the children... without a solicitor.

@TheCultureHusks its this that drives people to hugely costly legal fees and irreparable relations which ultimately impact the children the most

a lower earner who has taken a back seat often does not walk away with more than 50% if there are assets sufficient to do so. And as said income differential is not always a material factor

not saying op shouldn’t take legal advice and arm herself with information-she should -but this nonsense on here that all divorcing couples are out to shaft the other is often not the case.

Because I don't earn enough to get a house with just 50% of our assets.

Politely, I'm not interested in Scotland as I'm in England

This is actually our salaries. I don't earn enough to rent and I don't want to rent after spending 20 years working my way up the property ladder.

You might not want to but that might be an outcome - if you don’t earn enough to buy with share of equity plus mortgage plus any benefits etc then renting will possibly be considered suitable.

of course it depends on what value of assets there are but if salaries are 20k /60k its not going to be overly important imo and a court won’t see home ownership as a requirement

as others have said, look at mediation and do read up on things to arm
yourself with information.

Unfortunately not earning enough is not really his problem though - neither can my ex - but not my fault he never maximised his earnings or had any of career ambitions to earn more. This is the risk you take as a low paying perhaps low skilled worker if you end up becoming financially dependent on someone else to fund a certain level of lifestyle

Higher salary doesn't necessarily mean spousal support - in fact that is relatively uncommon - but it means the higher earner can build up and replace assets much more quickly, whether by getting a bigger mortgage or by making higher pension contributions. The court is obliged to look at the earning capacity of each party. If both parties 'need' a 3 bedroom property because the children will be staying with them both, and if there's enough money to look at both parties owning a home, then the court could very likely say that higher earner= lower deposit + higher mortgage, to get to the same housing budget for both parties.
So income after separation is totally relevant.

I'm the opposite though: it absolutely IS his fault that I'm on a low salary despite being highly trained due to childcare and lack of it.

If you want and need a lawyer get a lawyer. He can make his own decision. Its not helpful if he doesn’t but nought you can do about it.

He will eventually be compelled to complete a form E. He is just making it more difficult and expensive.

He's your STBXH.

Great news OP, he no longer gets to make decisions for you. You can do whatever you want.

I do think it's very clear, that the very last person you should be getting divorce advice from is your STBXH.

Sounds like you do need a divorce lawyer.

@planAplanB

Having children doesn't mean you have to stop work and take a hit on your career. Our childcare bill was more than my ex husband earned he could have been a STAHP - I said no - took 10 year loans out to cover the childcare until we got 30 hours - Unless you live in the middle of nowhere where there is always some kind of childcare available you sometimes have to make long term sometimes hard decisions. Giving up work to cover childcare is just one option

Wow. You literally know nothing about me. There is no suitable childcare available for my children so I have to take them to school in the morning and therefore cannot hold down a teaching job where I have to be at work for 8:15.

I definitely need to reframe my thoughts. We've been making decisions together or he's been making them for 20years so yes, I do get to make my own decisions now I guess.

It Is so empowering when you realise you have agency. The STBEH didn't want us to go down the legal route as he said it would be £2k each. It's actually about ten times that, collectively. I didn't trust him so did what was best for me. It has cost me £10k but I'd have lost a lot more without my solicitor. Ex just gave in. Useless twat.

He knows he won't get away with fleecing you if you get a solicitor.

Get a solicitor.

You need a good solicitor.

Did you take maternity leave?
Did it impact your career progression?

50/50 is probably the most likely if he's having the kids half the time tine too but thats not set in stone, but it's worth seeing a solicitor to get their advice.

This is exactly what happened to me. £20k down to get the order. Got it a year ago. Took it back to court twice to be resolved. Ive still not got my money. Meant to be coming next month.
He wouldn't provide evidence or return forms deliberately msg me that I will run out of money before he does. I did. Then I represented myself. Abusers love court processes legal abuse is vile and all the systems In place facilitate further abuse and do nothing to help you.
You're in for a bumpy and expensive ride il afraid.these men are repulsive.

The fact he doesn’t want to disclose finances screams red flag to me. Possibly he’s hiding some finances from you. How do you know things are split equally if you don’t what number you’re halving?! If he’s refusing to do form E then inform him this is something you’re insisting on to protect you both and if he refuses you can instruct a solicitor to write a formal letter. If he continues to refuse the courts can order him to complete the forms. Then you’ll know exactly where you stand financially. Income is absolutely taken into account, particularly if you have kids.

I've just been through this.
EXH didn't want a solicitor, and I wasn't allowed to touch his pensions or his business.
Turns out he had hidden a lot of money and his pension was over double what he told me it was.

Get a solicitor