Legal aid for emotional abuse - coercive control, financial, harassment

[Emsy999]

Hello everyone,

I wondered if anyone had any advice please? Has anyone managed to get legal aid on the grounds of non physical abuse please?

My life has been made hell for the last 14 months since I've moved out of the family home by my ex partner. He's used coercive control to control mine and the children's lives, emotional abuse where he's blackmailed and defamed me and is now using financial coersion to get me to accept his unfair out of court offer.

I can't afford to pay solicitors any more and I don't know where to turn.

I went to see my doctor months ago for severe headaches which are brought on by stress. He obviously asked me what was going on in my life and I told him. Told him how I'm not sleeping at night, how I can't think of anything else and how extremely low I was feeling. I told him a bit of background and he suggested I speak to Refuge or Women's Aid because he believed that I was suffering from various aspects of non-physical abuse (emotional, financial, coercive control). I've spoken to so many domestic abuse organisations as well as the police who have all said that it's domestic abuse. The police wouldn't do anything because there is no threat of physical harm from him so all everyone has given me is advice. I just don't what you do. I need help because I know 100% he doesn't have the children's best interests at heart but he is able to afford a barrister and be represented and based on what happened in court last month I'm genuinely scared for the next hearing.

I've requested a letter from my doctor to support my claim for legal aid but I've got a reply this morning from a completely different doctor saying that they haven't ever seen me and that they've looked at my notes and there is no documentation of abuse or injuries for them to compete the form. So I'm literally back to square one.

I think all conversations with Refuge or Women's Aid are confidential so I don't think I can gain evidence from those either.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Hi, I'm in exactly the same position and was advised to ask on here if anyone can recommend a good family lawyer who specialises in domestic abuse?

I'm at the end of my strength and the police again say no threat of physical harm so can't do anything.

My only option is to try for a non molestation order, which is a risk if it's not granted and I have no doubt that will make him worse.

I'm not eligible for legal aid, but apparently you can get lega aid for a non molestation order.

The are I need recommendations for is North Wales / Cheshire

Thanks

Hi, I'm so sorry that you're going through something similar. I really don't understand why people feel the need to make someone's life so awful, I really don't. Especially when there are children involved. How do they not understand that what they do has a direct effect on the poor children? It's madness.

In terms of the police, do you have evidence? I.e. abuse written down in emails/texts or voice recordings etc?
My ex can't communicate face to face so he does it all over messaging - email, WhatsApp so I have proof but the police (much like the family court judge last week) just don't seem interested.

I was advised early on to apply for a non molestation order but like yourself was scared it wouldn't be awarded and then that would open the floodgates for more abuse. It's just not right that we should be made to feel so nervous about reporting this shocking behaviour.

I hope you can find a good domestic abuse lawyer who can help you. I'm not eligible for legal aid based on salary but I was hoping I might be able to be granted it based on the proof I have but with no police conviction and no bruises from physical harm (doctor's letter) I don't qualify. I've spoken to Women's Aid and Women's Rights so many times who have all said it's blatant abuse but they can't provide me with a letter stating this. I'm completely stuck!

I got legal aid for non physical abuse so it is possible, yes.

Contact CourtNav.

i self represented for my non-molestation order application. It was ok. I was lucky with the judge - a female. The key is in your back story. Paint a picture of how your life was and add all the evidence you have from messages etc. Make sure you detail the impact on you, ie your movements are restricted for fear of bumping into him, you’ve been cut off from your social circle, the children have witnessed you upset etc.

The court will work on the balance of probability - ie you don’t have to prove he’s guilty to get the order made against him. They just have to believe there’s truth in it and you are emotionally and mentally impacted.

Can you represent yourself ? It's not difficult. What are your sticking points? The finances or the kids?

Have you thought of writing to the doctor you did see?

No advice unfortunately @Emsy999 . Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this and that the system is broken.
I had similar with my ex. He even threatened me in the mediation sessions. The mediator told him she could tell I was scared of him but guess what, nothing happened. He ended up wasting all my money on mediation sessions where he'd turn up having done none of the prep work so we'd spend the whole session on his stuff, listening to his stupid ideas and him threatening me.
Eventually, the impact on my MH and as a result, my children and my work, meant that I gave in. He got the family home, I moved out with the kids.
Tell you what though, my life is pretty lovely now and his is an absolute f*ING mess, so karma and all that!
I do think something needs to be done ot highlight the issues with the system though as currently he (or she) who has the most money, seems to have all the control.

What happened in court? Was it re child arrangements or finances or?

what is it you are scared of happening?

you’ve had legal advice up to now? Have they been able to guide you at all ?

I was told previously by the police that a non-molestation order was an option but I was also told that there was a possibility that it wouldn't be awarded and I was so scared of what he would do to punish me in the meantime that I didn't go for it.

It was a very similar experience when I spoke to the police. I told them about all the abuse (and showed them the evidence) and they said it was blatant abuse and asked if I wanted to make a statement. The policeman then proceeded to tell me that in his experience when a person makes these sorts of allegations the abuser often takes it out on the children. I of course then felt like I couldn't make a statement against him and took it no further. It really is awful how you are told that it's blatant abuse but they won't do anything (not even speak to them to tell them to stop) unless there's a threat of harm.

I did represent myself in both the first financial hearing and both (first child arrangement and dispute resolution hearings). The first hearings were ok but the recent child dispute resolution hearing was absolutely awful. He'd represented himself in every hearing up until then, but when I made these allegations in my position statement he must have panicked and hired a direct access barrister at the last minute. She wasn't interested in the abuse and proceeded to take me into a side room to try and get me to drop the allegations. When I didn't back down and said I had proof of it she said that he had allegations of his own and would have to use them if I continued on with my allegations. I was utterly shocked. The judge seemed very unprofessional and hadn't even read my position statement that I'd sent her 4 days earlier. She was also very reluctant to order a CAFCASS report and proceeded to tell me that if I continued to make these allegations the process is very drawn out and long and would affect the children negatively. It was as if no one was listening to me, it was an utterly awful experience.

We can't agree on both the finances and the children. We've been to mediation (which was stopped because he wasn't willing to negotiate and move from the schedule he wants) and the mediator pretty much said it was pointless continuing. He has tried to force me to accept his unfair financial out of court offer by stopping paying the mortgage (he lives in the family home alone) so that I get blacklisted in the future. It is a living nightmare and I just don't know where to turn. I need legal advice but I just can't afford to put solicitor fees on my credit cards any longer.

I sent a reply to the email I received to ask that they forward on the request to the doctor that I actually saw. This was a week ago. I spoke to another doctor yesterday (to order a repeat prescription of the anti-depressant medication I'm now on because of all this) and she said that she can see on my notes that they've received the email request and it's "in process" so I'm hoping that they will get back to me.

I'm so sorry you've been through this too. Mediators state that they have to be "impartial" but surely they can say when one party is blantantly abusive or just not willing to negotiate.

I'm so glad your life is lovely now :-)

We can't agree on both the financial and the childcare arrangements. We've been to mediation but he wasn't willing to negotiate or agree to anything if it wasn't his plan or schedule for the children.

The child dispute resolution hearing a few weeks ago was utterly awful and I've given a brief description about what happened in my previous post. His barrister and the judge pretty much made me feel like I was overreacting and were both trying to get me to drop the allegations for the sake of the children. I stood firm and said this is why I'm doing this, BECAUSE of the children.

Regarding the financials, he's made me an out of court offer which includes 50% of the house equity and he's taking 50% of my pension (because it's slightly in his favour). My solicitor has told me not to accept it because there are a lot of other things the court would take into consideration which he hasn't included. Because I've applied for child maintenance he's now stopped paying the mortgage (on the family home he lives in alone) and won't pay it until I agree to his offer. I have asked the lender to switch to an interest only mortgage until the court case so I can put it on my credit card (because I'm paying my own rent elsewhere) but he has contacted the lender and cancelled it). He is doing everything to force me into caving and accept his offer, because he knows I can't get blacklisted because I will need to apply for a mortgage once I get settlement. He's just relentless and no one will help me. I just can't afford to keep putting solicitor fees on my credit card. I was hoping I could get legal aid on the emotional and financial abuse I am suffering but it doesn't seem so.

That sounds dreadful, and I am so sorry.
The only thing I can think of to say is to try to take care of yourself to keep up your overall well-being in the midst of this.

Thank you xx

It's just so hard. I hate the fact that he's allowed to do these things with no repercussions at all.

I am not giving up on the legal aid route because it's blatant abuse and I'm hoping my doctor gets back to me soon.

My friend got legal aid when she split from her partner ( they had a toddler together) . Legal aid was due to financial and emotional abuse . Womens aid helped her and she found a solicitor that took legal aid cases and filled out some forms provided evidence and they then accepted her case .
Good luck x

I'm so glad your friend got the help she needed.

Sounds very similar to my situation - emotional and financial abuse. I've spoken to Women's Aid on a few occasions and it's always been anonymous so I'm not sure how they can help in terms of writing a letter for me.

Could I ask what evidence she provided please? Was it evidence from Women's Aid or another route?

Many thanks x

So I've just heard from the doctor who actually saw me (and referred me to Women's Aid/Women's Rights etc) because he thought they'd be able to help me and the doctor isn't giving me the evidence that I need for legal aid. They sent me through the notes on my record and they don't mention abuse at all.

I really don't know who can help me now. It seems that I have to actually have visible signs of abuse for anyone to do anything about it.

Does Women’s Aid have a record of the Dr contacting them on your behalf, or did you contact them yourself?

Did you speak to the Dr? Ask for a telephone call with him?

My friend didn’t have any evidence from the doctors and her evidence was more current evidence - emails and texts from him that were viewed as controlling etc - that’s what she showed to the solicitor When they split up she contacted womens aid and explained the situation and I can’t remember if they wrote a suppporting letter or not.
i think your best plan is to contact womens aid and explain what you have been through and ask for advice on local solicitors that take on legal aid . Then contact the solicitors and find out what evidence they need ( texts voicemails emails etc ) Different solicitors may have slightly different criteria so keep trying . My friend did originally pay a solicitor but ran out of money and it was then she found another solicitor that accepted legal aid cases ( not all do from her experience ) If your ex is continuing to be abusive this can also be used as evidence it doesn’t have to be all historic evidence ( well it didn’t in my friends case anyway )

I have been in contact with Women's Aid numerous times about his behaviour and on each occasion they've said it is abuse. The doctor I spoke to told me to speak to Women's Aid and I told them that I've already been in touch with them. The fact that the Dr referred me to a domestic abuse organisation surely makes him think that it's abuse, I just don't get it.

It's literally blatant financial abuse. He's refusing to pay the mortgage until I accept his out of court offer. He won't even pay half with me even though he can afford it. He is literally forcing me into debt to pay for a house I don't even live in. How is this allowed?

I haven't spoken to the doctor I saw but I chatted to another doctor on the phone last week when I had to order my prescription. I explained everything to her again and yet no mention of domestic abuse has gone on my file. It's like no one is taking me seriously because I said I wasn't suicidal. It's so wrong.

Thank you for this.

I have contacted legal aid solicitors (I phoned about 4 local ones) and they all said they need evidence on the list from the main government website... A letter from someone and didn't say anything about looking at emails/texts that I'd received from him as evidence 🤷‍♀️

The financial abuse is very much current and still going on. He's eased up on the communication and threats but the fact he's still not paying the mortgage so I either get into debt or a bad credit rating is evidence to that.

Oh dear, I am very sorry.

I haven't spoken to the doctor I saw

Do you think you could try to speak directly to that doctor?

Get the dr to remember the visit, when it was and what you talked about.

Explain she must have forgotten to write it down at the time.

Ask her to write a letter for you explaining they referred you to Women’s Aid.

You normally need 'gateway evidence' from e.g. an IDVA confirming they are supporting you due to abuse. I was referred to an IDVA via the police.

Thank you. I will try and speak to the doctor I saw. The waiting times are just horrendous in my area so that's probably why my application for evidence has been sent around the houses.