Give him a list of assets now or wait?

[Headingtowardsdivorce]

My DH told me he wanted a divorce 2 weeks ago but hasn't filed for it yet.

He has asked me to provide him with a list of my assets.

Do I need to provide the list now, or am I better off waiting till he files for divorce?

I'd wait until he files, as surely he should also be providing a list of his assets too?

U want to always be one step ahead, so if you know roughly what the assets are, I'd get some advice as soon as possible

Thanks for replying, that's what I was thinking too, but I wasn't sure. My head's all over the place at the moment.

You do financial disclosures as part of the mediation or legal process on a form E. Which is a massive booklet that explores all your assets and liabilities as well as your expenditure.

Although it was STBXHs choice, I filed for divorce in our case so that I could feel more in control of the process. It’s good to be in the driving seat.

I'd do it as part of the divorce.

You should be exchanging financial information at the same time.

You can start filling in your Form E ( you can print it off the government website) but do not give it to him until he gives you his completed Form E. Solicitors and the court use Form E for the division of assets so it will need to be filled in at some point. Since he is the one asking for a divorce he should be more prepared. Ask for his first.

I highly recommend you find the money for a one off consultation with a solicitor even if you don't use them again. Worth every single penny.

I obtained 3 free legal consultations with solicitors. All remote. Each very helpful and informative.
Be prepared with questions and if possible details of your assets.
With the last one I knew what my husband wanted to offer me so discussed this.
It was then very clear I was a lot more prepared than my husband

I asked him for his and he replied with "no"!

I'll print the form off and start filling it in, but won't send it to him until I have to.

I've already made a list of questions for the solicitor 😁

What a bloody cheek! You can respond "no" as well then, and keep your info to yourself until it's time to move ahead.

By the way, record everything!!
I know you can't use it in court but you forget things and good to get someone else's opinion. Also good for your own sanity, you can't be expected to remember everything at the moment.
I set to record when I can hear him coming, when I am about to go into the house or he is. You can delete it. I have a lot of me talking to myself 🤣
My husband was adamant he mentioned something in particular and I know he didn't as I double checked the recording.
He hasn't a clue I am recording.

I'm doing this already! He completely twists what I say, and I felt like I was going mad. I'm also journalling, and if I don't get a chance to record, I write down everything that was said straight away.

I feel much better now, thanks everyone for reassuring me that it's ok not to send a list of assets yet.

Oh it is so easy to think you are mad. You are not!!

Form E requires 12 months of statements to be attached to it too - so just be careful of what you're spending / where you're spending. It's ok to withdraw cash on occasion, under £500 doesn't draw too much attention, £200-£250 or so twice a month for sundries allows you to buy stuff and do stuff without being visible / scrutinised when you get to court (as that's where I would imagine you'll end up if he's said no to a mutual exchange of Form E).

You can always do the preliminaries without paying a huge sum to a solicitor - there are many many family law groups out there, and you can always use a McKenzie Friend for advice over a solicitor, which is a far more financially viable option. There isn't a "family law degree" as such. It's more module based before specialising (or learning on the job...!)

You could always use a MKF for the paperwork and then a Direct Access Barrister for the later hearings. It's a lot more cost effective believe it or not.

Remember, if you are in England or Wales, it is now a no fault divorce but it can still take ages to complete. He applies for it online (or you can or joint), then about two weeks later you get a letter/email telling you its been asked for and you have to reply. This probably takes another two weeks for the court to acknowledge it, THEN you have to wait a full 20 weeks before you can start the actual divorce proceedings. Use this time to prepare so you are ready in 25 weeks - which is six months!! - get your forms filled in (do pencil so you can update it nearer the time regarding current bank statements), get house and pensions, and cars etc, valued. Find out the house equity and any early repayment charges and if the mortgage is portable. Sort out solicitors and/or mediators, mortgage brokers, check out rentals and rightmove to see what you can afford. Work out who gets the furniture especially the white goods.

If you have children use this time to do 50/50 in the same house. After 20 weeks of being in total control of feeding, laundry and school pickups he might decide to pay you full cms and a higher percentage of assets instead.

Either he hands over his Form E first, or you do the kidnap/ransom handover of exactly the same time. Be prepared for him to be a weasel.

Thank you! You've all been really helpful.

@Headingtowardsdivorce can I be massively cheeky and ask you to share your questions? I'm literally at the point of booking a first appointment and I don't know where to start. Any advice you could give would be amazing.
Thank you to those who mention the form E, I had no clue about this so I will get this printed asap x

@strawberry2017 I'm going to private message you

Hello again! I've now received a letter from my husband's solicitor telling me that he's filed for divorce. It also says that they "propose to exchange voluntary financial disclosure in the next 4 weeks."

I don't have to do it within 4 weeks do I? I'm asking because I'm really busy with work for the next few weeks (I'm self employed) and I haven't really got time to get the house valued etc. I'd rather do it when this big project is finished at the start of July.

Can I reply to his solicitor and say that?

You can go back to the solicitor and ask for an extended time frame but you will need to stick to it as best you can. No need to explain why, they will not care.

Contact his solicitor and tell them it's too short a time frame, especially since you will be relying on third parties to value the house, cars and any other assets. I seriously doubt pension firms can issue CETV (basically means cash equivalent) in four weeks either. The solicitor will know this and they are deliberately hurrying you along so you don't have time to think. His solicitor is paid to unsettle you enough so you make mistakes.

BTW, every time you call or email his solicitor your Ex will get charged for it. It might be fun doing it deliberately (I'm petty like that) but ultimately it will be lessening the joint assets pot for you both to share. Only the solicitor wins.

Go at your pace. There is still the legal minimum 20 weeks cooling off period before you/he can actually start the divorce (decree nisi). You've only been notified he wants one, not that it's started the actual process.

They can say what they want. You don't even have to respond to his solicitor, you are under no legal obligation to whatsoever.

Currently the courts are inundated and if someone raises a Form A (financial proceedings) in the family court, you might get a first hearing listed about 4months later. Mutual (and voluntary) exchange of Form E (full financial disclosure) is requested about 4 weeks ahead of that FDA (first directions hearing), so let's say 3 months after the court have issued the first notice of hearing.

So you have every right to go back to the solicitors and say "four weeks is unrealistic, how about we compromise and say 12 weeks, which would be more in line with a timeframe suggested by a court if either of us raised a Form A?"

Then you can negotiate to the middle (8 weeks) which will take you to July.

I haven't responded yet. I think it's a waste of money. I haven't even had the notification from the court to say that he's filed for divorce yet, just the letter from the solicitor saying that he has. I'm not sure why he's bothered paying a solicitor to tell me that.

Can I ask, what would be the reason for raising a Form A? I've not heard of that. I'm really hoping that this doesn't end of in court. I was happy to sort it out between ourselves, or with mediation.

No idea, I'm not sure what all these different forms are tbh. I'm doing my actual divorce online as that's quite easy but I am getting the financials sorted by a solicitor. Me and stbxh have roughly agreed how to split, I've filled in my Form E but he's struggling to get his pension cetv or fill his in.... you can really tell that I've done all the family and house admin for 40 years, he hasn't a clue - I've even had to take him step by step on printing his bank statements 😬. Anyway, once he's done that I'm paying a solicitor to send the correct documentation to the court as I figure it will save time, stress and any errors. I'm more than happy to pay one off fees throughout the process to make it smoother and accurate. Worth a thought you doing that too?

Form A is when the exchange of Form E hasn't happened, or if it has, there are discrepancies which you have highlighted but the other side won't budge, and are not forthcoming in providing more information (hiding assets / dissipating funds for example.)

Form A pushes it to court and they give you a timetable which you have to adhere to, and potentially 3 hearings at which time directions will be made by the court.

Ideally, the court don't want to have to get involved in your financial split, so mediation / negotiation is the right way forward. Having said that, if the other side is stalling / won't provide information then Form A is always there in the background to start a more formal process.