H not paying mortgage

[TheBigDee]

H working less and less. We are on brink of divorce. He's stopped paying his % of mortgage as "can't afford it". I pay for mortgage and the bills by myself. This has been case for 8 months and will continue until we can sell. He lives here full time

When comes to financial split will it be taken into account?

Most likely not
who has paid what is largely not relevant

whats relevant will be

length of marriage
your ages
whether you have dependent children
housing needs
assets available to meet those needs
earnings

the fact he’s not paid mortgage most likely won’t be a material factor ( many people have never paid a penny to a mortgage and still entitled to large share of equity)

Why is he working less and less because I've read on here that he'll be expected to maximise his income, as will you.

No. Sorry, but that's the answer.
15 years I carried the ex and it still got 50/50.
If their name is on the mortgage, then they have every right to live there until some legal document says otherwise.

Get the house on the market or switch to interest only until it's sold or he will carry on benefiting from increasing equity that you are paying into.

Unlikely to the point of a hard no. Being married to a slacker (be it as a bread winner or homemaker) is an expensive lesson in life. Better to offload their dependence asap because the longer it goes on the more imbedded the legal dependency

He is late 40s. Low wage (though could be earning much more). Wants the kids 50%. Didn't put in any equity. Doesn't pay mortgage or bills. Doesn't do anything with house or kids. Spends money on video games. Kids primary school age.

Me working my arse off. Put all equity in. Pay 100% of mortgage and bills. Me mid 30s. Earn much more than him. Went back to work after 3 months mat leave to keep paying for things.

Married 4.5 years.

In summary: I'm an idiot. He's an arsehole.

Thought perhaps I'd claw back a bit by demonstrating he puts in zero but apparently not.

I know people don't put any money into mortgage but they can show they gave up jobs to look after kids no? Not the case with H at all.

Many people can’t or haven’t demonstrated they gave up career. They often simply just have a lower paying one

higher earners typically don’t fair well in divorce

what you have in your favour is a short marriage so I’d advise you cut your losses sooner the better

No it won’t, if my case is anything to go by. I paid the mortgage and all bills. He was still entitled to a 50/50 split of the equity and my pension (he didn’t have one to also split). It was a very painful lesson I am still paying for (he cheated btw)…

Yep, get the divorce in motion. Put the house up for sale.

If it's up for sale and not selling, reduce the price. Seek advice about your pension too.

You could ask your bank for a mortgage break? Or ask them to put it to interest only until it sells

If he moved out you might be able to claim more benefits like UC - check the calculator?

Or if you’s are separated and have completely separate finances check to see if you can claim benefits anyway?

I know it’s a big no on here but truly under your circumstances I would literally change the locks and drop his clothes to his nearest relative.

If he came and started being threatening (he will when you won’t open the door) I would call the police!

Where will you live if you sell the house?

@Quitelikeit much as I would love to do that I think the police would just tell me I need to let him in!

@Purplecatshopaholic I'm sorry. That is truly shit and I'm starting to feel how painful it will be. Not as painful as spending the rest of our lives with them I guess.

I'm not familiar with divorce but since your the higher earner can he go for spousal support? Is that still a thing is there a way to protect yourself

@Sprinkles211 I think spousal support is rare. I hope so. I don't earn crazy amounts or anything. And he could earn more but doesn't as doesn't exactly need to. He knows I'll pay for everything regardless.

How pathetic of a late 40 year old spending on and playing video games. Loser.
Can you afford to buy him out ? Even if you sell and move you know you will be able to do it on your own as you are currently doing it. Plus he will have to pay child support as he is unlikely to want 50/50.

He wants 50:50 but also can't afford half your mortgage?

Realistically unless he ups his earning power he is going to have a room in a shared house and nowhere for the kids to stay.

@AnnaMagnani why would we have a room in a shared house?

It will be split 5050 if not 6040/7030 (in his favour) to make up for wage disparity no? The court will make sure he can afford somewhere for him and the kids.

Maybe speak to him and try and get him to agree to you having more especially as he brought nothing to the table I. The first place and you have been paying for everything. Would he be reasonable ?

Can you switch to interest only on the mortgage while the financials go through?

make sure you pay for nothing for him. Mobile phone, petrol, car payments, food. Pay for absolutely nothing.

In general clean break settlements are preferred over spousal support, for obvious reasons, and if necessary the asset split is adjusted.

Sorry OP they don't look at who paid the mortgage.

How much equity and savings do you have?

Even if split 70:30 in his favour, he has a low income, so how are the pair of you going to afford 2 3 bed properties when he currently can't afford to contribute to 1? Answer if he can't get extra money maybe he could consider working his quality of housing will fall.

He is going to be in deep shock when he doesn't have you managing his life for him.

I think Anna meant he'd potentially have to get a room in a shared house, not share with you.
I agree with pps, get the house on the market asap, get the divorce moving and prepare to take a big financial hit. It's beyond frustrating but do try to not hold onto the anger forever, I'm many years down the line and while I got over him very quickly, the effect on my finances and his 'win' is something I cannot move past - don't be me, it's not healthy.

Three nervous breakdowns, virtually bankrupt because of him, he decides he's actually a woman, he's paid nothing into the house and was boarder line emotionally abusive to the DC from very young( now both young adults, still refuse to speak to their father)

His debts actually get taking into account in the agreement (so all his "assets" less the debt)
He gets 50:50 on the house equity and part of my pension.

For gods sake, sell the house. Just get rid of it. Go. Even if you have to move into a tiny place, get out.

And make sure you and or children get legally binding documents on the division of assets (like a pre nup) before entering any long term or financially binding relationships.

If he's on the mortgage, then you can't change the locks and throw him out because he has every right to be there.

@AnnaMagnani a big chunk of equity. No savings as spending all my money keeping house going by myself. Agree hard for us to both be able to afford homes if we both buy and both need 3 bed houses. Really hard. He would need to have nearly all the equity and I would need a very large mortgage. Also he doesn't earn a lot but he could be paying towards our mortgage a bit (like he used to) but he is refusing to. So he could find money for rent or mortgage by himself. He will hate me as we will both be living in far smaller homes far away from the kids school and he will blame me for doing it. But what can I do? Accept being treated like an idiot forever?

You need a shit hot lawyer. While there may be a lot of equity, it's also a short marriage and not a lot of evidence that he put his career on hold to support yours.

So why exactly should he have nearly all the equity and you be stuck with a horrendous mortgage?

He is going to be cross but that's his problem. If he wanted to keep his cushy number he needed to put a bit more effort in.

@AnnaMagnani Yeah - I did speak to a solicitor who I thought was pretty good. Taken aback at how much 1 hour of advice cost though and worried about how that is going to be possible long-term. Thought I would go for mediation but maybe that's not realistic. He hasn't accepted it's over. He used to be quite fair and generous (always the first one to buy a round type guy and would never let someone pay for him).... but him not paying house costs anymore is about him being bitter 'why shoudl i help if you're going to leave' type attitude. He really does see it as 'helping' too. V much like I'm his mother and he sometimes helps out with money/house/kids. He is emotionally about 17 years old. Yes i ignored red flags. I thought the harder I work and the more effort i put in - we can sort it out but it's just got worse and worse.