H not paying mortgage

[TheBigDee]

H working less and less. We are on brink of divorce. He's stopped paying his % of mortgage as "can't afford it". I pay for mortgage and the bills by myself. This has been case for 8 months and will continue until we can sell. He lives here full time

When comes to financial split will it be taken into account?

So sorry it's turned out this way for you.

Unfortunately I think you are just going to have to accept none of this will be amicable and power through it as best as possible.

I was in a similar situation but much longer marriage. Get yourself a good lawyer quickly … they aren’t cheap but it’s money well spent as you get accurate advice on what is legal not what is fair (which as I learned aren’t the same). My lawyer offered to advise me but then me do everything - all letters etc - to keep costs down, and it worked well. If you PM me I’m happy to recommend them. But separate now, the short marriage is v much in your favour.

Definitely speak to your bank and change to interest only from now on. If you stay on a repayment mortgage then you are building up even more equity for him to share by the time the house is sold. Redirect the repayment money somewhere else.

Thank you for all the advice. Makes sense about interest only for sure. I can use the money i save for a good solicitor.

But, does changing to interest only affect credit rating or ability to get a loan in the future? I may need a very big mortgage in the next 12 months - on one income - so don't want to look like i'm not managing my money properly

No an interest only mortgage will t affect credit at all

OP, because of the mortgage charter, you can switch to interest only for 6 months no questions asked and it does not impact your credit. Even if you’re in a fixed deal.

I’ve solely paid 25k of mortgage repayments since our split and you just have to accept never getting that back.

Has he always been a low earner? He will be expected to maximise his income and that will be used to assess his housing needs. He can’t just not work and expect to take a greater share of equity because of it. How much has he earned in the past working full time? You can try to argue his mortgage capacity should be based on that.

Sounds like there could be a real risk of him being awarded more equity though if your mortgage capacity is much higher and you’re able to meet your housing needs. If you split equity 50/50 and add a mortgage each, can you both afford to buy? Even if a smaller place than now.

You’ve only had a short marriage and you said you put in most of the equity. You might be able to argue those points too.

Is this situation going to get better or worse financially if you settle sooner rather than later? Could he be earning more if you wait? Or perhaps you might me…. If it was me, I’d apply to court sooner rather than later to get the ball rolling (you don’t have to go ahead and takes 6 months until first court case anyway) and will give you time to attend mediation, try to resolve finances etc. Someone recommended I apply straight away when I split from my ex. I didn’t listen (as thought could resolve ourselves) and here I am 2 years later still trying to settle things! You can represent yourself (it’s fine, just lots of paperwork and can get odd bit of legal help) so only costs £275 to apply.

Good luck!

Without something like an occupation order from court in place its illegal for her to deny her H access to the family marital home. Police might not get involved, but if they did they'd tell OP to let him in. Alternatively he could call a locksmith and get the lock changed again. As long as he gave OP a copy of the key this is fine. OP doing this would be a pointless waste of time and money and won't look good in court.

It probably wouldn’t be simply pointless. It would be an act of provocation that inevitably ends in retaliation. Before a couple descend into acrimony and bitterness. More importantly it would create a battleground that children will need to live through. The later issue being the reason why so many people suck up so much and learn to compromise when they divorce.

I have been googling but it's not entirely obvious - me and H are joint names on the mortgage - won't I need his agreement/signature to move to interest only mortgage?

I feel so trapped. I'm paying it all but his name on everything stops me doing the things i need to do to make money more manageable.

I'm not going to lock him out. Of course not. Unfortunately though I have become a bit of a doormat in the desire to keep things nice for the kids.

He is saying he will pick up more hours in the coming months. But he says a lot of things.

You don’t know his written permission - I bank with First Direct and they just had a form online which I completed and they processed it. I had to say I have permission from joint holder but that was it. Phone your bank - they have special teams in place due to the cost of living crisis. It massively helped me for 6 months.

On another topic - and maybe I should start another thread but you lot seem v knowledgeable so hoping someone can help.

His MH is poor. Has been for a long time. I'm not going to into detail here as all v long and upsetting. I do worry about safety of kids. That fear is probably unjustified but he feels on the edge and is becoming increasingly unpredictable.

Are there practical things I can do now to be able to act quickly should I think my kids are at risk of neglect or abusive behaviour in his care? I have a fear of the split happening, him getting more unwell and me being unable to stop the kids going there and everything being so slow. I know I could go to court right if I thought they were at risk, but wouldn't that take months?

Any advice greatly appreciated

This definitely. Do not agree to 50:50 custody if you can help it.

You can ask that the equity division takes into consideration the time he hasn't paid, but I doubt he will agree.
My advice is to get everything moving ASAP!
I paid our mortgage for 3 years on my own yet he was still entitled to 50% of the equity. And 3 years was because he refused to co operate and in that time, house prices went up and up... it is so unfair!

I think if he wants 50/50 childcare arrangements but you don’t think it is safe, I would refuse (if you can and it’s justified). If it goes to court, Cafcass will do a full section 7 report to assess what is in the children’s best interests. Perhaps if he has no known MH problems, it might be difficult to prove that he is unsafe to look after them. He would have to demonstrate he can meet their needs, provide a safe living environment etc. I think the courts would need seriously strong proof to not consider 50/50 childcare arrangements.

If you are the primary carer now, you could probably argue to gradually increase the time the children spend there rather than a full 50/50 on day 1.

Keep a detailed diary of anything that happens that gives you cause for concern about his ability to look after the children. Is he seeking help from a doctor? Might be good to encourage him to reach out for support also.

@HappyToSmile that is so unfair! They can delay things, pay nothing, and still benefit hugely. My H knows he can bow out of contribution as I will never let things not get paid/bought.

@Nimbus1999 he has been to the doctors but not followed up on their advice and prescription. He is petty and selfish a lot. But I do also believe he is quite vulnerable in terms of his mental health. It doesn't take a lot for him to spiral (receiving a tricky email might mean he goes to bed all day) so God knows how things might go when the split really starts happening. Thank you for the advice. I just don't want to refuse access without understanding the implications. Aware of risk of being accused of parental alienation

I think if you have genuine concerns, it’s ok to refuse 50/50 until a proper review is done by Cafcass. Obviously he is their father and it’s really important for the children to have a strong relationship with him so you wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. But perhaps it can be more gradual, especially if you’ve always been the main cater and he is suffering from MH issues.

I didn’t feel like I could refuse 50/50 (for various reasons) and have found there is no going back from it now…. That said, it seems to be going ok and the children are coping well with it. We do a 5522 routine so not as bad as a week on / week off.