Mediation - what is the point?

[Milly1970]

Hello,
I am currently in the process of getting divorced. My husband and I cannot agree to the financial order and he says the next step should be mediation.
I have sought legal advice and in accordance with this, my proposal is fair and reasonable. My husband's offer is very low and I do not think it would be agreed in court or deemed fair.
What is the point of mediation if we do not agree, can the mediator suggest a compromise? In a way, I do not want to compromise as my offer is reasonable but of course I cannot go into mediation with this mindset and I am not arrogant in the way I am thinking and not taking anything for granted. In a way, I would want more than my proposal so if I compromise, I will be receiving even more?
Has anyone been in a similar position, gone through mediation or any other resolution method?
many thanks
Milly

Mediation can help both parties understand the points raised by the other in order to reach agreement

your solicitor is just one view and is not a guaranteed outcome

a good mediator will be able to get both parties to compromise

if you are fixed minded you run the risk of mounting legal fixed and things not necessarily going the way you want

of course no one here can determine whether you are being fair but if you approach mediation simply refusing to discuss, compromise or negotiate you are setting it up to fail

a court will want to see good attempts to reach agreement ahead of it getting there

Thank you. I will go into mediation with an open mind.
Our thoughts are so far apart that I am not sure mediation will reach a compromise we will both be happy with.
We will see!
It would be interesting to know whether I will have to compromise so much that my husband will get what he wants but I won't.

The point of mediation is that it is cheaper than court.

If one or both parties are fixed on "revenge" or similar it can help them be more realistic about what is likely to be achieved in court.

That is my husband! I ended the marriage with him.
I didn't pay towards the mortgage as much as he did, the property was his before our marriage and I am not on the deeds.
We don't have children
He doesn't think I am entitled to much and anything he is willing to pay me, he wants me to wait 5 years!
I hope mediation makes him see things more realistically.
We were married for over 8 years, not long in the scheme of things but still classed as a longer marriage, not short. Plus the 3 years we lived together before marriage

What have you offered him, and what has he offered you? Is there much difference?

It's about £35k but he wants me to wait up to 5 years to get the bulk of it.
I think he has suggested this as I originally suggested 2 years for a court order.
He doesn't have a job ( been looking) and he wants to stay in the house.
I have said I would do what I can for that to happen but not at the detriment of money I am due. I still need to get a mortgage and buy a new property

It’s not worth going to court over a 35k gap

a mediator should help both of you see that

I agree. Thank you
I am just interested in the authority a mediator has, if any

They don’t have authority
but they can help to see unreasonableness/ encourage areas for compromise and guide to what a court might award

supposed to be neutral and not ‘side’ with either party

I wonder how successful it can be? What the success rate is?

At the very least the mediator might be able to make him see sense about the 5 year thing. Courts like a 'clean break' don't they?

Great point. Thank you

If you go to court you may well spend £35k on legal fees between you - when my husband divorced his ex, they settled at the first hearing, but it still cost them around £40k in legal fees between them. My husband had made a very generous offer in mediation but she wanted £150k more - in the event, she got just £6k more, but spent over £20k in legal fees (out of her own money) to get it, so she would have ended up better off had she just accepted his offer. I really would encourage you to try to find a compromise in mediation if you can.

Thank you very much for putting it into perspective! I think I am in the wrong profession 🤣

The court will not except your application if you haven't done the mediation unless there is domestic violence anyway so may as well give it a go before going to court. Sometimes you may have no choice but go to court. Loads of people when they divorce become very unreasonable.
Good luck.

Thank you very much.
Hopefully spending money on mediation will save on court fees 🤞🏼

A good mediator will help you both to appreciate the weaker points in your position, and the associated risk of going to court. They will also be able to suggest alternative settlement structures for you to consider. They can't force either of you to agree anything but they can be very firm in their suggestions.

I've just reached a settlement through mediation and STBX and I were so far apart to begin with that I thought there was no hope. The settlement we've ended up with was suggested by the mediator and then it was just a question of getting us both to agree it. She said to me that it was at the lower end of what a court could order, but that going to court would mean spending so much more in legal costs (which would come off the equity in the house when sold) that even if I did better in court in percentage terms of the equity split, it would be a lower sum of money because I'd be getting a higher percentage of a lower overall asset pot.

It might be better to consider arbitration? resolution.org.uk/looking-for-help/splitting-up/your-process-options-for-divorce-and-dissolution/arbitration/#:~:text=In%20family%20arbitration%20you%20and,issues%20arising%20from%20family%20relationships.

Elektra1,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is good to have a different perspective

Penelope1703

Interesting! This is not something I have thought of personally.
I will take a look.
Perhaps if mediation doesn't work my husband will agree to arbitration?

Arbitration is a blunt tool
better to try to resolve in mediation of possible

Try 2 Mediation sessions a week or two apart. You ll know after the second if it's worth pursuing.

I definitely agree with trying mediation. It absolutely worked for us. But if it doesn't then arbitration (basically a private judge) will be quicker and cheaper than court.

Glad it worked for you.
My husband now seems adamant he wants to resolve between ourselves and without mediation. I am not convinced and after reading the comments to my post, I think we have to go through mediation.

He wants to sort it without third party intervention from a mediator because he thinks he can pressure you into accepting his lowball offer! Definitely try mediation. If that doesn't work, arbitration.

IME if you can agree a deal in mediation, while neither party ends up happy, it is better long term than having an outcome imposed on you both by an arbitrator or judge, because there's a difference psychologically in accepting something voluntarily and having it forced on you. So mediation is absolutely worth a try. Plus it's a lot cheaper than the alternatives. We had about 6 mediation sessions, ranging between 2-6 hours each, and the total cost was £15k.