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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Selling house - Ex refusing to accept offer

90 replies

Nimbus1999 · 26/04/2024 06:15

We both agree we need to sell family home. Both signed the forms to appoint the real estate agent.

I pay the full mortgage and ex doesn’t contribute, he moved out 2 years ago but has only just provided a Form E.

We received a full asking price offer from a buyer in a very good position. I’m over the moon and am happy to accept the offer - the current mortgage is crippling me and the kids.

Deadly silence from the ex though - he has not confirmed one way or the other.

It’s been 5 days now and nothing. Worried about losing the buyer.

What can I do? Nothing I assume? We are joint owners.

It would be madness to turn the offer down - we’ve no other viewings arranged and it’s been very quiet since the initial flurry of interest.

Help!

OP posts:
Reallyneedsaholiday · 01/05/2024 07:23

Speak to your agent. Ask them to blind copy you into all correspondence. If necessary, go back to court, armed with the evidence that he is obstructing the sale

Mumofoneandone · 01/05/2024 11:31

LemonTT · 30/04/2024 23:22

This would disproportionately impact on women who chose to give up careers and can’t pay the mortgage.

The law doesn’t distinguish bread maker and homemaker roles when splitting assets. That benefits women and mothers.

Sorry, I was meaning this much more in the sense of unilaterally deciding not paying a mortgage to cause trouble rather than an agreement between a couple that one doesn't pay for a set reason. Ie this case where husband stops paying (and still wants a share) rather than a SAHP not contributing financially to a mortgage but supports in other ways .....

Yalta · 01/05/2024 13:30

Delphiniumandlupins · 30/04/2024 23:29

It might impact him less because he only wants to rent but defaulting on a joint mortgage will affect his credit worthiness. So he'll be less attractive as a tenant and possibly also affect his business. What a pain.

It will definitely affect him if he wants to rent as credit checks are run on renters

Times have changed. There is a supply and demand issue and with many renters chasing fewer and fewer rental properties, why would a landlord take someone who didn’t have a good credit reference report instead of many potential renters who did.

Maybe educating him to this fact might make him change his mind

The courts will take a dim view of him deliberately wrecking the sale of the property. That alone can show issues that could impact the percentage of the marital pot he receives.

Jetteage · 01/05/2024 16:04

Is next month your first appointment or FDR? A judge may be able to sign off an order you've agreed at this hearing but they won't be making financial orders without hearing evidence at a final hearing, which is a very lengthy and costly process. It would be wise to get advice from more than one solicitor, going armed with a page of the facts of your case and a list of questions. Don't feel pressured to instruct a solicitor straight away.

Above it has been said that you may be placing yourself at risk if you sell then rent in the interim but want to argue that you need more than 50%, as you would have been able to adequately rehouse. If costs have been incurred by taking the matter to court and the judge considers it was not reasonable to do so in your case, you may even end up receiving less than if you'd accepted half now. Without knowing figures and details (ages of children, child
arrangements etc) and weighing up the costs versus what you might stand to gain it's difficult to say.

Your ex's admission he wants you to rent is helpful. I would be very wary of ending up renting and your ex continuing to sabotage the sale and delay the process for a very long time, even once you have agreed or a judge has ordered the distribution of the assets (court orders can be difficult to enforce - my children and I have been staying with family for 3 years due to my ex doing precisely this!). Of course, as you don't have a court order and he is not cooperating you also have this hurdle too (I applied to court to settle the finances 5 years ago!).

The right to reside in your home until the matter settles is a great advantage. He will eventually want his share of the equity (on that note, are you 100% sure when all assets are considered he would receive any at the moment?). As others have said, you will of course want to ensure you are not just continuing to grow his share with the mortgage repayments (keeping in mind the moving and renting temporarily will also be lost money, not to mention the loss of stability).

At this stage carry on having the estate agent chase the matter. As they are jointly instructed, both of you should be included in all communication. You are wise to keep all in writing and keep it polite and concise. For now you could email them copying him in explaining that you have tried to call several times and still not heard back from him but are keen to accept the offer, and hope that he will respond soon. Keep the updates and chasing in one email chain if you can.

It might be worth having a look at the TA forms you will be required to agree if the sale does proceed, as there is a lot of room there for the ex to delay and sabotage the sale too.

Keep listening for clues from him but don't reveal anything yourself. Sadly it seems he isn't going to play by the rules or be reasonable, and solicitors attempts to get him to do so in court will be costly and possibly even ineffective. It will probably help to work out what will make him feel he is getting what he wants, and also where you can afford to compromise.

TinyFlamingo · 01/05/2024 16:14

When in court next week, as judge to approve your sole conduct of sale and explain you'll loose the only offer you've had at full asking price. This is a specific issue application but take it to your hearing so judge can action. Judge may ask him to agree there and then, or even agree on his behalf if he feels it is reasonable. You can do this.
Speak to the estate agent and let the buyer know you need a month to accept officially but unofficially you're accepting and your just I'm the process of sorting final details.

Helsbels65 · 01/05/2024 17:22

Don’t delay seeing legal advice. I know you said your respresenting yourself but please get some legal advice before all this and get the ball rolling.
in 2004 I bought my own house, just me on the mortgage payments. I was in a domestic violence relationship. I paid 90% of the mortgage payments, he worked as and when so didn’t always have cash to contribute.
idiot here put him on the mortgage in Feb 2008 thinking it would spur him to pay half of the payment. It didn’t. In April 2008 I finally plucked up the strength to leave. A bit later I met someone else, now my husband. I fell pregnant quickly and my husband offered to buy my ex out. My ex wouldn’t sign to let me sell and would turn up with signed papers and tear them up in front of us. This went on for months and he would break in and wait for me when I go home from work. Although to the police it wasn’t breaking in because it was half his house. In sept 2008 my new partner said to me please will you hand the keys back and I’ll get a house on my own. We’re due a baby soon, it’s not safe here and he will never let you sell or me buy him out.
I didn’t really have much choice so I agreed and my partner had a mortgage in place my the end of that day and we put an offer in on the house. We still live here 16 years later. Anyway I handed the keys back, and with it my credit rating which is still very very poor 16 years later. Obviously I had no choice as my life was more important than the house but you do. People
like this use it as a means of control. Please go and seek legal advice now so you can get it sold and move on with your life

Thexwife · 01/05/2024 18:33

I’ve been through something similar but he was in house and wouldn’t let me and the children back in. Once I withdrew the occupation order he stopped paying the mortgage. He was living alone in a 4 bed house and our 2 children and me were living with family- I shared a bed with my 10 year old. I knew he’d do it - family said he wouldn’t do it as would affect him. I told them he would cut off his nose to spite his face - he wouldn’t care as long as he hurt me ( and the kids). He dragged out putting the house for sale, tried to put it on at a massively inflated price, stopped paying mortgage and delayed the sale. I had to take him to court to settle the money. He was asking more more money in the split. judge gave us best deal and worst deal scenarios. We settled. My barrister told him I was willing to go to court on principle as I couldn’t now buy the house I wanted for kids, i had nothing to lose. He had agreed when I withdrew occupation order to sell house but solicitor had to keep writing to him- 8 letters and 2 months it took. I only got it on the market as solicitor told me to arrange it. The estate agent told me that my ex had asked him to inflate the price - I asked him to email me the information and he did. When my ex “proved” house was worth more- I produced the email. There was loads more. You could really do with a solicitor but it costs so much. It is definitely worth going to court for the first hearing and hearing what judge thinks. A solicitor will give you best advice. Free for 30 mins so have a list of info and questions - don’t chat. CAB might be able to help. Good luck once you’re divorced- he will try and use the kids but as they grow up and he has less and less leverage/forced contact. It’s time the law was changed to enforce quick divorce/ keep a roof over kids/make ppl accountable/ sort out finances.

Louloo · 05/05/2024 14:05

Never been in this position but have you spoken to the mortgage company? See if they can alter your terms to pay interest only until you sell the property?
If you can alter the trend potentially afford to stay there until your kids are 18?
At least thats the message I'd be sending him. The threat of not getting his equity...

Quitelikeit · 05/05/2024 14:10

Accept the offer. Like a pp said he only needs to sign the contract and that’s in two months or longer tbh!

Quitelikeit · 05/05/2024 14:12

And yes I would be paying interest only - because you’ve been paying for two years and he might benefit from that

Also tell him that you have found a rental property - lie through your teeth

Tell him what he wants to hear!

Nimbus1999 · 05/05/2024 23:21

Thanks everyone, the offer has been accepted now and we’re in court soon to try to work out the split. Feels like we’re getting there.

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 05/05/2024 23:23

Nimbus1999 · 05/05/2024 23:21

Thanks everyone, the offer has been accepted now and we’re in court soon to try to work out the split. Feels like we’re getting there.

Thank god. Heis an arsehole

Netaporter · 06/05/2024 05:43

Nimbus1999 · 05/05/2024 23:21

Thanks everyone, the offer has been accepted now and we’re in court soon to try to work out the split. Feels like we’re getting there.

Good luck to you all moving forward, glad it has been resolved!

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/05/2024 19:57

Nimbus1999 · 05/05/2024 23:21

Thanks everyone, the offer has been accepted now and we’re in court soon to try to work out the split. Feels like we’re getting there.

That’s great news. Good luck x

HavensAI · 20/05/2024 13:59

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