Last night before he leaves, how did you feel?

[Oldhag5]

The last few months have been awful, I am so happy that he is finally going but at the same time I can’t quite believe that 20 years has come to this. We don’t even speak. I would never go back but still I wonder if I’m going to wake up and everything will just be back to normal. Please talk to me and tell me how you felt, I’m finding it hard to process!!

@Oldhag5 - reading your posts it sounds like your DC are teens? If so no court is going to force contact that they don't want. If (and it sounds like a big if) your STBXH actually went to court. I wouldn't discourage them from going and would support them to go if they want but I also wouldn't force the issue. Your ex should be the one doing the running, especially in the early days. If he doesn't that is on him not on you to fix.

I didn't know my last night was my last night.

Sometimes l miss the company but not often.

It's so much easier short term to maintain the status quo. It will be better long term.

@Benjaminsniddlegrass two teens and the youngest is 10. He is the one who is most adamant he never wants to see his dad again….

It was a bit of an end of an era feel. Dd was out (adult) and I cooked for us both, we reminisced about old times.

I actually met my now dp online the night before by coincidence, he left his fmh the same day as my ex. (Also neither myself nor my now dp called quits on our marriages, it was our ex's)

It's possible to move on and be happier than you have ever been, I'm living proof

It depends how old your dc are but I'd be guided by them. If their father is not good they won't understand why you are forcing them to spend time with him.

Honestly? Complete relief. I didn’t expect that, expected to be sad (over twenty years married, he cheated). I sat on the sofa feeling just such relief, I still remember that. I did feel sad later, but it was more sadness for the man I thought I had married, rather than the one I actually did..

I'm so sorry. It must be bewildering and painful and I know it doesn't feel like it now but I think you are better off without him. What sort of man does that to his wife and children. You are the tower of strength that your children can lean on and they will remember that you were the one they could rely on being there for them when he walked out. He sounds like an uncaring coward. One day at a time OP. You and the children will find your new normal and move on without him.

I was lucky that by the time I ended the marriage my child was an adult.

I moved out 16months ago after 30 years of marriage. I wish I’d left 15 years earlier.

Even now I still wake up in the mornings, in my own bed, in my own (rental) home and can’t believe how lovely it is not to be in the same house with him.

It’s been very hard as he still emotionally bullies me and I have no resilience or defences against him. But the law (50/50) is on my side and he can’t ignore that, or bully my solicitor in accepting far less.

Still in the process of divorce, but my release date is getting nearer. Still can’t get over how lucky I am that I’m going to finally be free, to be the person I really am and to lead the kind of life I want, at last.

Relief. Exhaustion. Subdued - not the time for a party as some people suggested. It was a line, but not a thick one as we still had years of child arrangements to get through.

I'm only a week in but today was the first time I had tears.
When he actually left it was one of the big sign of relief moments.

I think my tears came from a place of uncertainty due to housing situation.
But I am happier even in this short space of time.

@Sunshineclouds11 we are at about the same stage then! What is happening with your housing situation? Do you have kids? He came to take the kids for a walk
this afternoon, the youngest refused to go but the other two did. Then he messaged me
later with all sorts of plans he wants to do with them, they don’t want to do it but they don’t know how to say no to him it’s so hard…

You have to advocate for them @Oldhag5. Hard as it may be for you it is impossible for them. But you've got this and you can do it.

I left him. Relief because I felt free again.

It was awful of him to tell your oldest to take care of everyone. So unfair in an already emotional situation.
Re kids, you need to facilitate them seeing their dad, (ie. Make them available, agree to times etc) but not force them.
FWIW, mine spent the night before whistling as he was dyeing his hair blonde (?) as part of his midlife crisis in preparation for his Tinder photos 🙄

Oh and also if I knew my DC didn't want to go somewhere/do a particular thing, I'd just text exH and say "x doesn't want to do" whatever.

I found out my now exh had cheated on me. I was with kids in a caravan and he was supposed to be joining us at the weekend. My friend rang me very upset on a Tuesday evening late. Early the next morning I drove home without telling him and to load up his stuff into 5 black sacks and put them into the garden, I got locks changed and got my BiL over. Then I text exh to come home urgently. He came rushing back. I told him he was moving out. He argued with me and begged for another chance. He tried to tell me he made a bad mistake. However my BiL told him to go and not to come back.

@Oldhag5 two kids, which includes an under 3 month baby.
Mortgage is due for renewal, need to buy him out or sell as highly doubt I'll get mortgage on my own to cover.
Places to rent in my area are over 1k which I just can't afford on my own.

Yep dad of the year here too with so many plans already.
Listen to your children and don't force them, I don't want DC1 to start hating me for making him go somewhere.

I was the kid who sobbed on the stairs when my abusive dad moved out - I was 12. I promise you a lot of it will be the pent up frustration and anger about the whole situation, it won’t be as simple as them being upset their dad is going. I was crying because despite my Mums best efforts to make things work I knew the reality of their marriage and it was unsettling and scary being in that situation. Him leaving meant we were entering a new chapter and that was hard too, but I knew it meant the bad times were over.

Relief primarily. My marriage hasn’t been good for months and I was getting nowhere trying to fix it. Once it finally registered that I wanted out he became the perfect husband overnight and that just drove me even further away. We had a horrible few months in limbo as we worked it through and I hated every second of it. That last night together was a mixture of relief, sadness, fear, but ultimately I have no regrets ending things and I’m in a much better place for it in every aspect of my life 😊

Good luck OP, there will be some tough times ahead but have faith in your decision. It’s the right one.

I felt relief and excitement in the prospect of a new life. He didn’t leave, I did. He wouldn’t have the balls to do so. He wanted to try again after he cheated.
4 months on I have no contact with him and I am very happy. Growing every day.

@Rania78 I’m so glad you made the decision and are happy.
I’m doing ok but he is hassling me with messages about the kids and I just want him to leave me alone! He has seen two of them for two hours and the eldest again for 45 minutes since he left. The youngest hides when he comes to the door and refuses to speak to him….trying to take it a day at a time …

I completely understand as I've been through it and seeing your kids like that rips your heart out. This is the worst though.. it will only get better, easier, and your kids will NOT always be unhappy.

My husband is leaving in the morning.
Feeling a mixture of scared, angry and relieved.

Why relieved?

I'm afew month in and honestly I have never been happier, first couple of weeks are hard.
Adjusting to your new life, routine takes some time.

But it was a massive weight off my shoulders.

Onwards and upwards 💪🏽