My abusive ex husband is living the highlife

[SingleDepressedLonely]

I been divorced almost 6 years now and my abusive ex husband is living the high life with luxury holidays, new luxury cars with constant dinner dates out with his new wife, while refusing to buy school shoes for our son.

my ex pays child maintenance for our son but with the living costs gone up I’m really starting to feel it.

I can’t seem to get him to buy our son anything extra.

It does upset me when I hear from my son that his new step mum is being spoilt by his father while I’m here struggling

His an absolute shit father to our son constantly bullying and manipulating him while he has him in his care.

The court awarded my abusive ex husband 50/50 with weekends and school holidays and now his influencing my son to question my parenting style and trying to make me out to be the bad parent

I am a single mum and I have been struggling to meet a potential due to my hectic busy lifestyle. I do feel very lonely and depressed and I just feel like giving up as I don’t think I will ever move on.

My son doesn’t want to spend time with his father and has expressed his concerns on numerous occassions. His 8 years old, at what age can my son have a say on whether he wants to stay in touch with his father or not? Please advise

I am planning to take my ex back to court to stop access next year a bit of guidance and advice would be greatly appreciated.

thank you

You are being silly OP.

You are pissed off because your ex has remarried and is spending his money on his current wife rather than on you! You're divorced. On what planet would he voluntarily give you extra money or support you other than what he is legally obliged to if he has 50-50 contact with your DS?

What happens if you meet and marry a wealthy man or win the lottery or get a really good job that pays £££? Would you give your XH money? Of course you wouldn't.

Stop trying to ruin your DS's relationship with his dad out of spite and bitterness.

Do not get your son to write a diary.
Again very easy with your history to create a case for parental alienation.

Especially if your 8 year old is saying words clearly outside of a normal 8 year old vocabulary.
Especially with you messaging the wife and if he can evidence you wanting to get back together and being rejected...

Crikey you sound like my dh's ex W who is so bitter towards me even though they have been divorced for over 7 years and I met him later along the line. There DC are adults and some of the names she has called me and also a gold digger when I am financially independent. She has never met me and I haven't done anything wrong.

You have a very warped view of what his new wife's duty is.

If he's so awful and abusive why did you think about asking him to try again only 6 months ago?

As a mother I have a duty to point out to my son when he is upset that his father is a nasty human being. Thats not coaching, Im stating facts that he won’t need to deal with his abusive father once I’ve taken him back to court

This is some messed up shit.

Parental Alienation 101.

Before or after the op wanted him back, and of course this is only all the ops version of what has happened

You’ve posted a lot about your ex over the last few months - you’ve claimed he was a good dad then contradict it by saying he’s not .
you said he was verbally abusive to you but you had no issue with his wife then in another post you’ve said that both ex and his wife are verbally abusive to you .
You posted saying you were going to suggest reconciling but you have also met someone new ?

You sound a little “obsessed” , in the kindest way .. and you really need to move on .

You divorced your husband for valid reasons , he’s moved on but you seem stuck in the past , resentful and envious of his new wife .

You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors , maybe he’s shit to her too .. but maybe he’s not .. and it’s absolutely none of your business ..

youve no evidence to suggest your ex is abusive to your son in anyway and it sounds like he’s making an effort ..

how many holidays they go on isn’t your concern .. You need to move on .. find some happiness in your own life .. take up a hobby or a new interest and look forward not back .

I wonder what it's like to be OP, acting like this towards people, then genuinely outraged that they aren't doing anything bar the bare minimum for her?

The entitlement and inability to let go of someone who left the best part of a decade ago and hasn't looked back, is quite something. OP you are screwing up your son, yes YOU, telling this poor 8yr old that his father is terrible.

And please, for the love of God, get over it. He has remarried. She sounds nice. It's not her fault you weren't, and you're turning into a green eyed monster of regret. Maybe now you see you did mess up with the things you did, and now she's living the life you thought you would. Who's fault is that though? Hers? Your childs?

Take some accountability for your life and your decisions. It's like you think it all just "happened" to you, with no agency for your own actions and it's everyone else's fault that you're this bitter 8yrs on.

If you were acting like this to me, like fuck would you get a penny more or a favour more than I ever legally had too. You are behaving terribly and being treated in accordance to that. Again, take some accountability, you're doing this.

Seriously, for the sake of your son, and for you, get counselling.

I’m divorced. I get it. My ex husband moved on very quickly. I’ve focused on myself for the past two years, spent considerable time (3 hours a week) in therapy to learn how to recover from the abuse, develop better boundaries and manage my ex husbands continued harassment of me.

My ex husband made $22m last year. I had to pay the schools fees upfront and he put me on a payment plan. I get zero child support. He doesn’t pay 50% of the children’s medical costs. The list can go on for eons. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I could spend my energy being angry, instead I’ve used that energy to be the best version of myself.

What matters is that you have a good custody schedule. You need to focus on yourself. When was the last time you exercised? Do you have someone who can babysit while you go out with friends? Are you financial stable? Is your pension in good shape? Most importantly, is your son happy?

The stress my ex husband put me under killed me from the inside. I had the worst skin, I was obese and very anxious. My children were not happy. They still aren’t but I’m working on that and have a plan mapped out by the mental health team.

Today, I’m back to running 25-30miles a week, I do 1-2 stretch/strength classes and I’m getting back my fitness. My fitness is not there yet, but it’s better than it was. This has been instrumental at getting my mental health sorted. Career wise I’m doing well. I’m making a very high income. I have excellent childcare (get an au pair if you can even if that means you make sacrifices elsewhere).

I’m a better mother, sister, daughter, friend and worker because I worked very hard at my recovery. I strongly suggest you do the same.

I don't think you are jealous, per se, but you are definitely bitter and resentful. That's normal, especially when you are struggling financially etc yourself, but as the saying goes, 'if you hold bitterness against another, you only hurt yourself'. Maybe you could try to get some form of counselling?. I know the NHS waiting lists are huge, but there may be some other avenues available to you. Get rid of that resentment and you'll be able to move on, if not, you won't.

Op

Kindly you sound a little unhinged here. It's been 6 years since you have split and you still seek to blame him for all the evils in your life. He really doesn't sound that bad, he pays court maintenance, maintains a regular schedule, you communicate through Ap so sounds like no abuse etc.

As hard as it is for you to here. His responsibility to you ended way back then and he's not responsible for making your happy now. His job is to be a good husband to his now wife and a good father to his children

You only get one life and while I know it's hard to see him having moved on abs being happy when you're not; you are the only person who can change things for yourself. Try and get out more, take up a hobby, exercise etc , these will all help your find happiness in your self