Childcare arrangements

[onedayiwillbecontent]

Unfortunately my stbxh and I disagree on the days/nights of the week we take care of our children. He will not change his mind at all and I can’t due to work commitments, therefore I have no choice but to obtain a court order. I am absolutely terrified about this. We are in agreement over a 50/50 childcare plan. Has anyone been to court due to a disagreement with their partner over arrangements? Or anyone with any advice? He is refusing to go to mediation over it.

I haven’t any experience of this but try and come up with various scenarios whereby you both have an equal portion of weekends/weekdays with them to put forward. This may mean one or both of you using childcare (the cost of which could be shared). The court will want both parents to enjoy time off with children at the weekend or holidays, from what I gather. They will always try to achieve something that is in the best interests of the children in having a relationship with both parents so put forward suggestions with that in mind.

We both agree on 50/50 but I have to work one night a week. My ex won’t have the children on that night for no other reason than being awkward. I am happy to have them any night of the week except the night I work. He won’t agree to mediation but will he look unreasonable in court or is the judge likely to take his side? I had to agree to his childcare plan and it was not agreed by myself. I was forced into it.

Are you married? If so, then if you're unable to work in your current job because of childcare (lack of) then that will affect your income and therefore your financial needs on divorce. It's in STBX's interests to avoid that as otherwise he may have to give you a greater share of your joint assets to meet your needs. A good mediator will be able to persuade him of this. Have you considered mediation?

He is refusing mediation. We have been going through a divorce for three years because he refused to let me have 50/50 finances even though I contributed half and am paid around the same as him. Consent order only just been agreed for 50/50 finances but nothing signed yet. He had been everything so difficult because he didn’t want a divorce. He is very controlling hence why I wanted to divorce him. Is a judge likely to think he is being unreasonable? Or is it me?

I am happy to go with his 50/50 childcare too. He just won’t bend on the one night I need to work despite the fact he is just sitting in the house. I’d understand if he worked also or even had a hobby. He won’t agree as he knows it’s making my life difficult. I don’t like conflict and I am worried about attending court as I’m a timid person. I wonder if the judge will be shouty and take his side. Also worried as I didn’t want an official court order but I have no choice.

What hours do you need childcare for? Find a babysitter and take back control op. Ime you may find he won't want his dc cared for by 'strangers'.. Which a judge won't back him on unless he wants to care for them himself....

He won’t let me use a babysitter. They will be in his care at the time and he is refusing to even let my mum and dad take care of them.

He doesn't get to dictate this.
Unfortunately court can't make him parent.
The one who wants the least get what they want usually.

Are you parents willing to help?

I have actual experience. So both parties have to attend 1 mediation sessions this can be ALONE. If no agreement is formed who ever applied for the application with recieve a c100 form and court procedures will commence. I have to be honest and say you have to plan your life as a single mother OP for your own sanity . The judge cannot force your ex to do 1 night due to your own work commitments.

Ohhh and your ex doesn't sound like you can rely on him to be reasonable 100%. Get finances court ordered and make sure you get school holidays included and Christmas and just rotate each year!

I don’t understand this.

if they are in his care at the time you are working overnight then what is the problem?

if they are in your care then you can use a babysitter/your parents.

He currently has them Mon and Tues nights and I have them Weds and Thurs nights. Fri, Sat and Suns are alternate. I got a new job because I lost my job and need him to swap a night for Weds. He is refusing. I have found it difficult to get a new job and wouldn’t have applied if I’d have known I had to work Wednesday nights. Over 300 applied for the job and 7 were interviewed. I got offered the job and took it thinking he’d swap the Weds. I need to work. We didn’t agree on which days/nights we had the children. He dictated it to me so I had to go along with it. He is 100% not swapping his night just to be awkward.

I currently pick the children up at 8 pm from his house on Wednesdays. He won’t accept anyone but myself picking them up from his.

If you're applying to court you have to attend MIAM meeting, unless you're exempt. It's not in his favour if he doesn't attend.

Go to court it's the only way with these controlling knobheads.

Send your parents to pick them up and he'll have to either keep them or hand them over. It's appropriate childcare and he can't stop you using it.

I have booked a MIAM. He has said he will not attend mediation or court but surely he will have to attend court?

Thank you all for replying. One day I will be free.

Didn't you post this before on Aibu?

I have never posted before now. ☺️

Sounds very similar including that he won't let anyone else pick up the children only you 🤔

Show me the post. I’m intrigued!

He doesn't get to dictate this. Go to court. They won't be impressed with him.

I remember reading that one. If I can find it I'll post it here OP. It might have useful advice

So if you don't pick them up at 8 pm what happens?

The he keeps them.
And then you go to work.