Is this a good custody agreement for the kids or just him?

[BookArt]

Please see attached image. 'P' is me, 'R' is my ex.

Split up with kid's dad 4 weeks ago, still living together, very much struggling with what is right for the kids.

Ex has always prioritised work, so wants the custody agreement of our 1 & 5 year old to work around that. He leaves the house at 6.45am and returns at 6pm. Wfh on a Monday and Friday afternoon. Currently takes the kids to school/nursery on a Monday and Friday morning and collects them both on a Friday afternoon.

I think his suggestion isn't best for the kids. I think the random Thursday night would be tough for the kids with routine. And I want to have the kids for the full weekend, so don't want him to have the Sunday night of my weekend.

Ex also would wants our 5 year old to stop football on a Monday night because he can't facilitate that. I can and have been taking him to football, and our child loves it. However the agreement he wants is about squeezing in as many nights as possible, even if it means him getting them 10mins before bed time. I assume for CMS reasons.

He also wants the plan to completely change during school holidays because I'm a teacher, where I would have them during the week and he would have them at the weekend. I understand the reasoning with this, but does mean during the summer holidays my kids would not see family/friends on my side because they're only free at the weekend. I also couldn't take them away for a full week as he has said he wouldn't want to miss anymore time with them. He will not use his holiday for the 6 weeks holiday...

There's plenty of other things but I'll start with these basics. Eg Christmas he wants 5 solid days with the kids to go to his family, but on my year I'm not allowed 5 days because it's not fair for him to not see the kids for that long because I'll 'just' be at home.

Any advice appreciated. Please be kind, so new to this. I could be completely unreasonable and wanted some impartial advice.

Looking back at this I have misread your rota - I thought it was a four week rota with the weekends being different over the four weeks but it's actually a one weeks rota - so it doesn't make clear what happens on what you describe as "your weekend"?

Everything your husband is proposing is working around his job - making it easy for him to work and parent and what he "can" and "can't do". But you are a teacher and also have restrictions on what you are able to do - drop off/pick up etc but it sounds like you have to suck it up and sort anything he "can't do".

Why should the entire schedule be based around what is easy for him? If he wants equal nights then he should do half the week and half the weekend for example - Wed/thurs/fri night one week and wed/thurs/fri/sat the next. Not ship the kids to and fro around what is easy for him.

If he "can't do" half the week because of his big and important job then he needs to pay the appropriate CMS while you pick up the slack.

Sorry 2 week rota - I get your diagram now!

Technically I instigated it, he agreed. Then told me he had fallen out of love with me a while ago.
Explains his complete lack of care for me for a long time now, which is why I ended it.

I'm four days with Wednesday off this year, but this could change every September, I have no control over what day I have off.

Thank you so much everyone, lots to consider with the options you have described.

It is tricky with my Wednesday off and his Friday afternoon off.

His five days at Christmas is because we live 7 hours away from his dad and brother. So his idea is to drive up on the 23rd, drive home the 27th (our son's birthday is 28th). I understand this logic and will have to give in to this one. It just irks me that in the whole time we have been together we have never been to his for Christmas despite me offering.

I completely agree about whoever has the kids for dinner should have them overnight. That if he can't facilitate football on Monday nights or an alternative option is found then I need to have them. But at the same time I'm trying to consider every single option to give the kids as much time with their dad as possible because they love him. Hopefully he comes round to putting the kids first...

Thank you again for talking some sense into me! I appreciate it.

Is your 5 year old in school? If not make sure how you set this up will work once they're at school. The parent that has them on a school night picks up from school at 3.

I wouldn't personally be doing one week on, 1 week off with a 1 year old. I've seen.a fortnightly arrangement as recommended few timez 2,5,5,2. My X has DC 2 nights per week on school weeks 3 nights per week on school holidays.

I agree with this. If he is pushing to have them he does actually need to do the whole thing and not the easy bits that suit him (ie when they are asleep) that fit in around his work and life. Likewise if he wants to do the Christmas thing he needs to accept that you will want to do the same the following year. Flexible coparenting does work for some and works well for my situation but that's because neither of us take the piss.

You can take your children on holiday - he cannot stop you. What a selfish prick.

@BookArt how are you doing? Did you manage to come to an agreement?