House - his mum gave most of deposit

[BackFromABreak]

I'm currently a SAHM with two young children. The older starts school in September. I feasibly should be able to find work I can do from home in my prior field. However, we currently live in London and I won't be able to afford to keep living here. I think the best option would be moving near my parents, where I would also have a bit of childcare help.

We have owned a home together for two years. I contributed a portion of the deposit, but the vast majority came from his mother as a gift. How would this be divided up in a divorce?

I'm trying to work out the feasibility of setting up a home for me and my kids close to my parents, which is much cheaper than London. I'm resigned to the fact it will probably be back to renting.

You have a claim on the house as a marital asset, the gift element is irrelevant. Even if it was contractually drawn up as a loan it’s unlikely to stand up in divorce court (learnt this the hard way).

Yes, if he is a decent dad he will stop you moving that far away. It’s not fair on him or the kids

Sometimes you simply can’t though…

This is where wanting to have it all doesn’t work. In this case, selling the house, him having all his deposit back (and the OP hers) and still expecting the OP to stay to live somewhere too expensive for her!
See the fact rentals in London can easily be in the £2k per month for example.

Some will, some won't but I would never base my own affordability on it. If ex loses his job or dies that money is gone so leaves you in a very vulnerable position. Best not to take it into account for mortgage.

Re the deposit.
It should have been ring fenced tbh. And HE should have done that, talked to the OP about it etc….

Yes, if it was to come to court and if OP could clearly evidence that she was entirely unable to give the children any quality of life without moving, that would weigh heavily in favour of a move, however OP would be expected to prioritise the children’s relationship with their father when finding an area to live which is financially achievable, i.e. as close as reasonably possible.

It’s terrible to move the children that far. It completely and fundamentally changes the dynamic of their relationship and any potential relationship. He might not even permit it in which case you could have a legal battle on it

your need to look at equity
housing needs and costs
your earning potential with return to work full
time
cms
uc

and all other factors as well as actually discussing options with him and a solicitor

So you want her to get much less out of the house sale whilst also staying in the London area to keep kids near their dad? An impossible circle to square as OP is saying

As a grandma I would want my grandchildren appropriately housed and still live near enough to see my son/their dad so would be glad to see the money split.

How much was the gift op?

@jollywhite

I'm with you.

I'd love to say what I think but daren't.

You're brave.

We have given both of our adult children a significant amount.
Wish we hadn't judging by the hostility and anger in MN. That and the vulturism that is being displayed.

Unless there's something in writing ie a charge on the house then it's a joint asset and should be treated accordingly. This I learnt the hard way.

OP cannot be stopped by any court from moving, court could say the children can't move with her, but I assume her DH wouldn't be willing to have them 100% of the time.

Presumably you ringfenced it. Legally.
Otherwise, it was a foolish move.

... I do not see any anger? Or vultures.
50% of marriages end in divorce.

Legally the equity in the house is split however you agree in the divorce / whatever the court decides.

Morally it's his mothers

When I bought with my exh i put down £100k he had £20k which we used for fees. I had the money ring fenced and got that back plus 70pc of the equity when we divorced. I would be very surprised if he didn't do this. With my first house purchase my parents said the 5pc deposit and we had it written in the contract they would get 5pc of the sale price when I sold it.

I'd hope he would get to keep the money his mother provided, and you get your deposit back. After that, then divide any profit from the sale of the house in a fair way. Sorry, and obviously I don't know you or your relationship, but you basically want to take money that was a gift from his mother, and his kids, away 3hrs travel time because you're not happy. He can ask for you and the kids to remain in the area since that's where they are from and established, but that would involve expense on both sides with court.

You are married so all assets are shared. You should get 50/50. Actually you could go for more because you have had your ability to work impacted by being a SAHM.

@DocOck I have kept my.life insurance if he dies. If he loses his job then it is what it is however he isn't the type to not work. But yeah I understand. Barclays are good for accepting it. I had to move from my current supplier.

Also re moving.

You are primary career and have been for some time. So court will decide kids should live with you and have contact with dad unless there are safety concerns. You can show you cannot afford London and the children would not be appropriately housed if you were forced to stay. You may be orders to do the travelling to facilitate contact but most likely you will be allowed to move. It will be orders based on what's best for the kids and living in an appropriate size home with local family support with regular contact with dad will be better for them than poverty and overcrowding in London

She doesn’t have a job so why would she get less than 50% and she has the children mire than 50% of the time.

Have your parents agreed (theoretically) to help? Are they of an age where they are statistically likely to be able to do school runs etc for another ten years? Any other practical and emotional support there such as siblings or old school mates? What’s the job market like? The primary schools?

I comprehend the urge to “go home” upon divorce (believe me, I do!) but it may not be the best option.

Lots of incorrect info on here

its not a given you’d get 50%
you might. But could get more or less. You’re entitled to a fair share which does not automatically mean 50% or more if you’re primary carer. Many factors will be considered.

you may be primary carer but you won’t automatically be allowed to move 3.5 hrs away with the children. If ex does not agree ( and he shouldn’t) he can apply for prohibited steps order to prevent you taking the children. It’s not a given a court would allow you to take them. And you should put them
First and reconsider this

courts will assess you on your earning potential not just that you don’t earn now

If the gift wasn’t ringfenced it’s in the pot. Dies not mean you’ll automatically be awarded 50-% of it, just that it will form part of the asset available for sharing. Doesn’t make it morally right but there you go

@BackFromABreak

Assuming that you won't be earning anywhere near what your stbx earns (low 6 figures) and that the greater London area is beyond your budget, if your stbx is determined that his children remain living near him, how far will he be willing to go to facilitate that? Would he be willing to negotiate what happens with the house? Would he be willing to pay over the odds in CM? Or would he suggest that he become the resident parent and that you could afford a studio flat and EOW?

You really need to see a solicitor. And you need to speak to your parents and 'firm up' their willingness to do part/all childcare AND have a good 'budget' on what it the costs to live near them before you do. I assume a London solicitor will already be knowledgeable about costs of living in the greater London area. You really need to be prepared for anything.

He can visit them at weekends, he’s not around during the week.