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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Final order without consent order

31 replies

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 09:44

Is this a really bad idea? Separated years. I finally plucked up the courage to start divorce proceedings. I have no money, at all.

Ex took ages to respond, but did eventually. So we have the conditional order. He offered to sign the house over to me (2 young dc that are with me 6.5 days a week, 7 nights) He chased me for progress reports , I got valuations, a mortgage offer , survey, paid application fees etc. And now he seems to have changed his mind. Last act of control.

I'm so done with it. I just want it Iver with but don't have the money to throw at a solicitor.

If I apply for the final order without a financial settlement (at least then I'll be divorced) hoe bad of an idea is it?

He has nothing much to give as far as I kniw, and neither do I. I do have a local authority pension. No savings or assets. Its "just" the house.

(Which, incidentally, is a 2 bed, 150 yr old cottage. 2 DC, leaky roof, cold, all doors windows need replacing etc)

OP posts:
Wolfcub · 27/12/2023 09:47

You may have nothing now but you may have something in the future. Do you have a pension. Does he? You should (generally as a starting point) be entitled to 50% of the house value which could help you start again. Hes trying to bully you off it and it sounds like he's succeeding

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:00

Yes, I see what you mean. My thoughts were if I budget hard for the next year or 2, I can save for solicitors fees and sort it out then. I dont plan to just leave it indefinitely. You're right, he's a bully and controlling, he hates that he's losing control and this is the last thing he can do .

I have a pension as mentioned, pretty sure he doesn't. Mine certainly isn't massive.

I do ALL the childcare, school holidays, sick days, drs appointments, etc. All of it.

I have missed out on progression at work due to only being able to work part time. Lost earnings over the past several years.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2023 10:07

If the equity in the house,is the only asset either of you have, why would he just give you his half? Is there a lot of equity in it?

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:11

I think because he (sometimes) wants an end to it. I have previously, twice, made offers to buy him out, but because it was less than 50% (but all I could raise) he refused. It was enough (more than enough) for a deposit if he wanted to buy.

With the interest rate increases, I can no longer secure enough of a mortgage to give him anything at all . I can cover the outstanding mortgage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:12

What I really need to know, is will finalising the divorce without a consent order be a bad idea?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2023 10:19

I know you're not supposed to, but I'm not sure why, hopefully someone else will be along.

As it stands though op..if you don't sell the house, and you continue to pay for it all, he is benefiting from the continuing increasing equity which will be split in half whilst it's in both your names.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:22

@arethereanyleftatall yes, that's it, I'm not sure why either. And yes, you're right, but he dies still pay half the mortgage.

It's not about doing him out of his share, it's about having a home for the DC. It's not an extravagant house by any means!

OP posts:
Jas683 · 27/12/2023 10:39

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:12

What I really need to know, is will finalising the divorce without a consent order be a bad idea?

Hi... I think the legal profession would advise against this. I did it this way and although finances were agreed and equity shared I still ended up in court due to my pension not matching my OH.

I guess you probably need to consider if your circumstances change during and after the divorce, i.e. new partners etc. Safeguard yourself to the maximum is all I would say. What people technically agree to in principle is not what always carries through.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 10:46

Sorry, to clarify, there isn't an agreement in place. It's not an informal agreement not being "signed off" by the court. There's no agreement. That will have to be done in future.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 27/12/2023 11:24

It is inadvisable as the main purpose of a marriage is to financially bind two people together. Until that is undone you are exposed to financial risks. If you are mad keen on removing the other legal responsibilities and you have a good grasp on the financials it’s ok. But…..

I don’t think you have a good grasp on the financials and the process you need to go through to reach financial separation. I’m sorry to say OP you are just as mixed up as he is.

The first step is disclosure. You don’t just have house equity. As you have stated you have a pension. Other assets might come out of the wood work. But even if they don’t you both have to disclose all assets and liabilities. Then you define your needs. Which are going to start with the need for two homes of equal size. If that is unaffordable then you might need to consider just the needs of the children. When you reach an agreement you will need to get independent legal advice that it is fair and reasonable.

All of this is important because when you come to ask a judge to sign off the agreement he will want to know it is an informed decision by both of you. If he doesn’t get assurance he will tell you to go away and get it.

I would be insistent on all of this in his shoes. I would not want to agree to a divorce until the finances are sorted especially if I was paying half the mortgage. More cynical people than me would use your desperation to get it done quicKly to make a low ball offer.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 11:30

@LemonTT I do understand that all of that has to happen, but he is refusing to proceed with it and I don't have any money to push it along. I am asking if I can do that all after the final order of the divorce? I'm not going to leave it indefinitely.

I have made him 2 reasonable offers which he refused. I'm out of money. Interest rate rises now mean I can't raise enough of a mortgage to offer him anything - at least i could raise more but I couldn't afford to pay it so its a non starter. Its his last way of trying to control me. And it's working, isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 11:31

Do we need 2 homes of equal size when he never has the DC overnight?

OP posts:
LemonTT · 27/12/2023 13:11

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 11:31

Do we need 2 homes of equal size when he never has the DC overnight?

He is controlling you because you are pushing for a quick resolution and asking for solutions that rely on his generosity and lack of animosity.

Go for a divorce but don’t expect him to keep paying half the mortgage or expecting him not to force a sale.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 27/12/2023 14:08

I don't think 6 years is quick, and I'm not asking, he offered. My offers were more than suitable. He refused.

OP posts:
2022NewTimes · 28/12/2023 10:57

@Illbefinejustbloodyfine The reason the like you to get a financial consent order before the final order is so that the split of assets is agreed while you are still legally married - also means that there are no nasty surprises later when something you agreed is contested by the courts

LemonTT · 28/12/2023 12:13

There are all sorts of risks and pitfalls.

The OP essentially cannot claim ownership of any asset without that being disputed. Any will could be contested, leaving a mess for the OPs heirs.

Her ex owns half the home and can claim that at any time. He can stop paying the mortgage. I’m surprised he hasn’t.

Neither of them can buy a new property or move.

It sounds like it’s time to let a judge decide who gets what.

DocOck · 28/12/2023 12:16

I got my decree absolute before the consent order was sealed but my divorce was relatively amicable and the consent order was with the courts at that point. It was sealed about two months after the absolute.

NoHillsHere · 28/12/2023 15:13

@Illbefinejustbloodyfine my decree absolute was finalised before the Consent Order, because my XH was an utter dickhead and wouldn't wait. (He charmingly applied for the decree absolute at the earliest possible opportunity, without telling me.) He was a stubborn as stubborn could be about the Consent Order, but I was determined to have one. It took another year, cost a shocking amount of money in legal bills, but was actually worth every penny in the long run.

So to answer your question, yes you can do things in that order. Could a family member lend you the money to pay for a solicitor? My parents lent me the money as they knew what an arsehole my XH was, and would continue to be, unless everything was sorted out legally.

alseb · 31/12/2023 15:29

You need a Consent Order prior to the DA. I would suggest you see if a local family solicitor could be instructed by yourself and then perhaps make monthly payments towards your account? You need legal advice in this matter.

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 31/12/2023 17:22

Can you explain why please @alseb ?

OP posts:
alseb · 31/12/2023 17:44

You are looking at your pension and house and future lifestyle. My understanding and I maybe wrong is that your husband can still come back after the DA and make a claim. Things are not finalised without the Consent Order. IMO legal advice would be vital and this may be a way of obtaining it. At the very least I would try and get an initial consultation for the stage that you are at now?

Original poster
Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 31/12/2023 17:48

Thanks, yes, either one if us coukd make a claim to the other until the consent order in in place. I am going to get a consent order, but I'm not sure it will be sorted out before I need to apply for the final order.

The question isn't "do I need one" rather "is it ok to do it after the final order, rather than before".

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 31/12/2023 17:56

Surely he is entitled to half of your pension? Are you sure he doesn't have a pension? What does he do?

He can't make you sell the house if he suddenly decides he wants to and you don't. He'd have to go to court and a judge would be sympathetic to you given you made him two reasonable offers which he refused . He can stop paying his half of the mortgage but if he defaults on that and you pick that up he will affect the size of his share of the house from that point onwards.

However, you need it sorted out. I'd do it now as part of the divorce. Just keep pushing with the solicitor.

Does he pay maintenance for the DC?

Soozikinzii · 31/12/2023 18:04

Thelegalqueen is very good on stuff like this on Instagram.

Gymmum82 · 31/12/2023 18:08

It’s a very bad idea. MIL and FIL divorced 25 years ago. Possibly more. They had no financial order in place. MIL left with nothing and had no money to pursue it.
25 years on she does however and has just gone to court and been awarded half of FILs house and pension as she couldn’t work due to raising their 5 children so has no pension or house of her own.
Do you really want your ex to potentially come after you in 25 years and take your home and pension? Because even if they were accrued after the divorce he can still come after them. It’s just not worth it