Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can anyone who's is getting or been divorced help me please?

45 replies

hiddy · 13/12/2023 14:32

This is all new to me and I don't fully understand. I've asked my solicitor but still don't fully understand.

Divorcing abusive ex husband 🎉

I also want a 'clean break' order. He is a gambling addict and in a lot of debt. Also one day, I may inherit a large sum of money which I don't want him to be able to claim any of it.

We have no joint finances - everything is sorted. No joint bank accounts. Savings have already been split. No mortgage. No joint assets or loans. No joint Bank accounts. Nothing. He has loads of loans but non are in my name.

I am claiming legal aid as it has been domestic abuse.

So my solicitor has drafted up a letter to send to him along with asking him to fill out a 'schedule of outgoings'

He is going to refuse that. He is going to bombard me with emails thinking that I'm after his money (not that he has any) but I'm not.

He wanted me to file online but I didn't want too. It's going to really get to him that I'm using a solicitor and more so that they are asking for information from him.

The solicitor said they don't have to ask him for anything but then I must sign a disclaimer to say that they cannot advise me on a financial settlement.

He has no money and is in mountains of debt.

Advice please?

OP posts:
exDHisatwat · 13/12/2023 21:24

If the finances are already pretty much agreed and you know he has nothing I don't see the need for your solicitor to request his financial info? You can just ask you sol to draft a financial consent order, he would need to seek his own legal advice. If in agreement the financial consent order would be put in with the divorce and if agreed by the judge granted with the Final Consent Order. You could have applied for the divorce online and just had a solicitor draft the financial consent order.

Original poster
hiddy · 13/12/2023 21:29

exDHisatwat · 13/12/2023 21:24

If the finances are already pretty much agreed and you know he has nothing I don't see the need for your solicitor to request his financial info? You can just ask you sol to draft a financial consent order, he would need to seek his own legal advice. If in agreement the financial consent order would be put in with the divorce and if agreed by the judge granted with the Final Consent Order. You could have applied for the divorce online and just had a solicitor draft the financial consent order.

Thank you, I'm confused by it also.

I wanted to use a solicitor as I don't want him to contact me for updates as it's been domestic abuse. I've been advised to use a solicitor instead of doing it myself.

The solicitor just said they want to look at the entire financial picture. He will refuse to give them it anyway so I suppose it makes no difference

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 13/12/2023 21:32

The solicitor said they don't have to ask him for anything but then I must sign a disclaimer to say that they cannot advise me on a financial settlement.

Just don't ask for any info then and sign the disclaimer. When do you expect to receive your inheritance? it's very possible he's deliberately stalling. I did.

Curlywurlycaz2 · 13/12/2023 21:33

If the solicitor is reputable they will want to make sure you are not financially selling yourself short.

Cynically, they will probably also wanting to see if there is any money to be made in this by dragging it out.

Original poster
hiddy · 13/12/2023 21:53

Curlywurlycaz2 · 13/12/2023 21:33

If the solicitor is reputable they will want to make sure you are not financially selling yourself short.

Cynically, they will probably also wanting to see if there is any money to be made in this by dragging it out.

There isn't any money from either of us. Unless he's won big in his gambling that is.

I'll just go with it but I know he won't do it anyway. It's literally just filling out a form but I can't see him doing it

OP posts:
LetsTryToHelp · 13/12/2023 22:16

Curlywurlycaz2 · 13/12/2023 21:33

If the solicitor is reputable they will want to make sure you are not financially selling yourself short.

Cynically, they will probably also wanting to see if there is any money to be made in this by dragging it out.

The latter.

The solicitor will drag it and bill you once they know how much money you have or going to get.

iamenough2023 · 13/12/2023 22:17

Hello, sorry OP I am not an expert and also do not reside in UK but as far as I know, in divorce everything is joint, both savings as well as dept, even though it is only on your name or your husband's. So technically you will have to share his debt as well. I am not sure exactly what you mean when you say that "it is all sorted". I think you are being smart for getting a solicitor if you can afford one as things in divorce are never easy or simple, I am afraid. Good luck OP.

WowOK · 13/12/2023 22:22

Keep going @hiddy . The solicitor is what's best for your situation because you need a degree of separation. I'd ignore all his contact and refer him back to the solicitor.

Mumof3confused · 13/12/2023 22:28

All of your assets and liabilities are joint if you are married. Have you even filed for divorce yet? That’s the first step. You need to do that online and pay the fee. Then agree a consent order.

Is he in agreement with you that you each should walk away with what you have/owe in your own names? In that case, have the draft consent order done and ask him to sign. If he won’t, you will have to take him to court.

You don’t have to each disclose your finances. You should ideally get a clear picture but I’d you are sure that all he has is debt, then you should cut yourself loose as fast as you can.

Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 06:39

@LetsTryToHelp even though I am getting legal aid? They are still allowed to bill me?

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 06:40

iamenough2023 · 13/12/2023 22:17

Hello, sorry OP I am not an expert and also do not reside in UK but as far as I know, in divorce everything is joint, both savings as well as dept, even though it is only on your name or your husband's. So technically you will have to share his debt as well. I am not sure exactly what you mean when you say that "it is all sorted". I think you are being smart for getting a solicitor if you can afford one as things in divorce are never easy or simple, I am afraid. Good luck OP.

By 'all sorted' I mean that we have already split the savings 2 years ago. We have nothing financial that ties us together

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 14/12/2023 06:43

Have a look at Wikivorce and their forums, if you haven’t already. You need to ensure you have a clean break confirmed by the judge so he can’t come back later and claim half of your inheritance/pension/whatever.

Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 06:45

sorrynotathome · 14/12/2023 06:43

Have a look at Wikivorce and their forums, if you haven’t already. You need to ensure you have a clean break confirmed by the judge so he can’t come back later and claim half of your inheritance/pension/whatever.

100% yes - that's what I want to do.

I didn't know about wikivorce, I'll have a look - thank you

OP posts:
exDHisatwat · 14/12/2023 06:46

@hiddy

Are you definitely getting legal aid?

kweeble · 14/12/2023 06:58

You want a clean break so it looks best to the judge if both sides have been given the opportunity to disclose finances. They can turn it down if they feel one side has been disadvantages or not given the chance to state a claim on the other.
Your solicitor is on your side, I would take their advice as it means it’s most likely to be approved by the court. I would suggest a time limit is put to him when he’s asked for his finances so it doesn’t delay things too much as he will stall or do nothing.

Keepitrealnomists · 14/12/2023 06:58

Legal aid isn't free, you pay it back out of your settlement. If there isn't any money I don't see the point of using a sols and do it cheaply online.

Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 06:59

exDHisatwat · 14/12/2023 06:46

@hiddy

Are you definitely getting legal aid?

Yes, they have said I have qualified and I have that in writing.

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 07:29

Keepitrealnomists · 14/12/2023 06:58

Legal aid isn't free, you pay it back out of your settlement. If there isn't any money I don't see the point of using a sols and do it cheaply online.

It was more so I don't have to speak to him about it. So he can't come at me. It's what I've been advised to do by woman's aid but now I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

I'm just worried about his debt. I don't want any of that to fall on to me

OP posts:
izzygirlis4 · 14/12/2023 07:32

The solicitor will do what you ask but just sign the disclaimer. They are just
Covering themselves in case you try and sue them in the future.

howrudeforme · 14/12/2023 07:38

I divorced this year after a long separation. We’re already sold up and divided the assets.

I did the financial consent order to ensure he can’t come back for more money. It’s important that you get this done.

Cadenza12 · 14/12/2023 07:39

I know that you need a financial settlement, as far as I understand it, without one either of you could make a later claim. Eg. pensions inheritance, lottery (if only).

mostlydrinkstea · 14/12/2023 07:43

As there has been DV you are very wise to use a solicitor. It gives you a degree of separation that is really important in a high conflict divorce. If you are sure he has no money and you are happy to sign the disclaimer then do. The solicitor is just doing the due diligence. Maybe send them an email with the information you have set out here ie finances already split and you want to proceed. Ask your solicitor about the debt and what you are liable for if anything.

Good luck.

Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 09:06

mostlydrinkstea · 14/12/2023 07:43

As there has been DV you are very wise to use a solicitor. It gives you a degree of separation that is really important in a high conflict divorce. If you are sure he has no money and you are happy to sign the disclaimer then do. The solicitor is just doing the due diligence. Maybe send them an email with the information you have set out here ie finances already split and you want to proceed. Ask your solicitor about the debt and what you are liable for if anything.

Good luck.

Thank you. I am feeling slightly more at ease now.

My solicitor is aware we have nothing financial to sort. They are also aware of how much debt he is in.

I have emailed them this morning to double check everything before I proceed with anything else.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 14/12/2023 09:42

I think you have to file for divorce online nowadays don't you? It's the finances and child stuff that is sorted in court. I'm getting divorced currently - we both have solicitors but the actual divorce is online.

Original poster
hiddy · 14/12/2023 09:52

Elektra1 · 14/12/2023 09:42

I think you have to file for divorce online nowadays don't you? It's the finances and child stuff that is sorted in court. I'm getting divorced currently - we both have solicitors but the actual divorce is online.

I don't know. Another question I can ask. They are preparing to draft the divorce application on my behalf.

The whole thing is a complete minefield though the solicitor I am using gets very good reviews so maybe I just need to try stop panicking

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread