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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband wants to buy me out of the house

63 replies

Baffers100 · 06/12/2023 15:59

Hi all,

I had a joint mediation session today to discuss finances (our fourth session- a year of mediating now and thus far bugger all really achieved due to him dragging his heels).

We are 36 and 37, been together since 16 and 17. We've been married for 12 years and have lived in our home for 5 years. We are joint tenants named on the mortgage. We have 2 children, aged 7 and 4.

Well...he can't afford to buy on his own with his salary (he's a teacher and still earns more than 'average' but we are in an expensive area in Berkshire). He doesn't "want" to rent as it's "dead money" (but he could rent...) so today in mediation he had a radical plan...

...what if I leave your pension alone (null point- we have the same sized pension pots thus far and mediator said he wouldn't have a claim on my measly £25k anyway). He would give me a percentage (doesn't know what exactly) of his teachers pension. (Again, doesn't know what that's worth due to some legal delays apparently, but at 24% each month it would be around £100k I would guess). His proposal is he buys me out of the house, I go with lesser equity and a bit of his pension.

His money is coming from his parents. They are advancing him what he would have as inheritance basically. His mother is a royal PITA and I am worried they're trying to shaft me.

I can see the perks- consistency for the kids and less upheaval (one new home- mine, not two). They stay with some normality, and chats to date are around us sharing the kids 50/50.

What do I need to be thinking about? In my mind, I want my equal 50% equity. If I walk with less equity but a wedge of his pension I have less cash to spend renting or as a deposit on my new home.

Is there anything else I need to be worried about? Obviously going to seek advice from a solicitor but currently this seems too good to be true. He gets the house and keeps costs low, I get equity and also get out. If it looks like... and it smells like...it's probably is?!

OP posts:
clearspilt · 06/12/2023 16:02

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LemonTT · 06/12/2023 16:38

What are your relevant incomes? That will inform equity split if this is a needs case. The settlement will try to ensure you can both afford homes of roughly the same size. If one of you earns 40k and the other 100k then the lower earner would get a larger share of the equity.

Your pensions should be equalised so you are maybe entitled to share if he has more than you.

clearspilt · 06/12/2023 16:44

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THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/12/2023 17:42

Well for one "His money is coming from his parents"
Point is, he can afford to buy you out. Either way you see it, house will go on a "force to sell" and he will just buy you out, regardless of being shafted or not.

I never get this point of people finding it rational to go after people's pension because they chose to have lower paying jobs/chose to stop careers/chose to be stay at home parents(unless agree on obviously) . Either way, You will get your 50% and that is what matters and you can move on with 50/50 custody(assuming no CM since you will share the kids equally)

It looks like, and smells like a FAIR DEAL.

Lovingitallnow · 06/12/2023 18:04

@THISISNOTCOOLLDN hes not buying her out at market value I think is the point.

THISISNOTCOOLLDN · 06/12/2023 21:17

He is buying her out with less share of the house and top with access to his pension I think that's fair

Mumof3confused · 07/12/2023 11:24

I think it depends on your salaries and how much you could potentially get mortgage-wise. If you can buy a new home with the payout you get, why not?

You can offset pensions for cash but the calculation needs to be done by a pensions expert. £100k CETV is not = £100k cash.

clearspilt · 07/12/2023 11:27

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Whataretheodds · 07/12/2023 11:35

LemonTT · 06/12/2023 16:38

What are your relevant incomes? That will inform equity split if this is a needs case. The settlement will try to ensure you can both afford homes of roughly the same size. If one of you earns 40k and the other 100k then the lower earner would get a larger share of the equity.

Your pensions should be equalised so you are maybe entitled to share if he has more than you.

Will it? Or will it just try to make sure both are adequately housed?

Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 12:41

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Many thanks for your two very helpful responses to this.

I haven't been "very clear" about his income. I haven't mentioned a 'clear' value, just that it's over average.

If you can't be constructive, please don't comment, I have enough going on without having keyboard warriors!

OP posts:
Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 12:43

And again? OP crept off to send some time with her children, you nasty piece of work!

OP posts:
Cosywintertime · 07/12/2023 12:45

🧐

Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 12:46

My basic is £68,400, his is £41,216.

My concern is if my 50% equity is offset with his pension I have left financial resources to buy or rent. I am speaking with a financial advisor before Christmas to work out what this translates to in terms of buying potential.

Just wondered if there was anything I needed to be mindful of or whether this sounds like it could be a good deal (to me it does and that makes me wary!)

Thank you to those who have taken time to add helpful and constructive comments.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 07/12/2023 12:47

What % of the equity is he proposing you get?

Tempnamechng · 07/12/2023 12:51

Just go for a split of equity. If he needs to draw down from his pension or potential inheritance to buy you out then that's his business, but you need him to buy your 50% house equity in full and make a clean break. You earn well, which will give you good fiancial security going forward, but also is a good reason for having a clean fiancial break.

Gettingbysomehow · 07/12/2023 12:53

I did this. My ex husband bought me out and to be honest it was the quickest and best way of him buggering off.
The divorce had dragged out for 5 years ff's.
I didn't want that house anyway.
My deal was that he leaves my pension and savings alone which he did plus consent order to stop him coming back for any more money.
As it was I could have got more of the equity as the judge said he couldn't see DS any more as he'd been such a disruptive influence in his life so I was the sole carer but tbh I was just glad to get shot of him.
Its not a bad deal at all but check with your solicitor.

Tempnamechng · 07/12/2023 12:54

Also, remember that this is barter. He is trying to get the best deal for him, and just because it's offered it doesn't mean you have to accept.

DustyLee123 · 07/12/2023 12:55

You can’t touch the pension until a certain age, whereas he’s getting equity - so money - now.

Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 12:56

He's not given me any particulars. His teachers pension is apparently caught up in some legal dispute so they (pension providers) are unable to confirm his CETV. Based on years experience and % paid in it should be over £80k.

If we sold the house and paid early redemption fees on the mortgage, we have £115k equity each. In my mind I want to walk away with close to that as will need to buy. My solicitor has said a court would expect each of us to have a 3 bed house for the children, so I really need the equity to enable me to get adequate housing and not a hell hole.

His parents apparently will buy me out but not sure what this means £ wise. If it's there or there about then I am happy. I can't say I am fussed about his pension either- always seen it as 'his' pot and not something I have a claim over or need for.

I am guessing as long as he buys me out at market value then it's a good deal?

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2023 12:56

So, I think you are saying you currently have the same size pension pot, of 25k, but then you say you think his is worth maybe around 100k?
And then you earn about 80k while he earns.. about 45-50k?
You've had a fairly long marriage , and you are planning to have the DC 50/50.
I can't see why you would agree to less than 50% of the equity, and presumably it was your salary ( and pension contributions) that took a hit during 2 maternity leaves.
If you agree to a percentage of his pension in lieu of some of the equity, how will that be valued? Is that a percentage of his current pension pot or of his final pension? What if he cashes it in? Would you actually be able to buy anywhere else with less than half the equity? How would you feel about being financially tied to him for years? I'd have thought a clean break would work better, but can he actually raise the money to buy you out if he wanted to? A lot depends on how much the equity is actually worth, I wouldn't agree to any of this without access to hard evidence so that you can check out the veracity of what he says.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2023 13:00

Oh, we cross posted!
Given your post at 12.56, I reckon if his parents are prepared to buy you out at market value, that's fair enough. Maybe you could go after some of his pension, as there is a big discrepancy, but as you are the higher earner, that might just cause more problems and haggling.

Maxiedog123 · 07/12/2023 13:01

So the total assets is about 230 000 house equity, 250000 your pension ,approx 80000 his pension so a total of about 330 000.
Approx Half of this would be you keep your pension, and 150 000 of house equity. Would his parents be able to give him that 150 000 ?

Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 13:01

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2023 12:56

So, I think you are saying you currently have the same size pension pot, of 25k, but then you say you think his is worth maybe around 100k?
And then you earn about 80k while he earns.. about 45-50k?
You've had a fairly long marriage , and you are planning to have the DC 50/50.
I can't see why you would agree to less than 50% of the equity, and presumably it was your salary ( and pension contributions) that took a hit during 2 maternity leaves.
If you agree to a percentage of his pension in lieu of some of the equity, how will that be valued? Is that a percentage of his current pension pot or of his final pension? What if he cashes it in? Would you actually be able to buy anywhere else with less than half the equity? How would you feel about being financially tied to him for years? I'd have thought a clean break would work better, but can he actually raise the money to buy you out if he wanted to? A lot depends on how much the equity is actually worth, I wouldn't agree to any of this without access to hard evidence so that you can check out the veracity of what he says.

The pot of his we know the value for is worth £25k. He has separate teachers pension tied to the independent school something or other. It's a defined benefit one so getting the CETV has been a nightmare. He pays 8% in each month and school throw in 16% so my advisors have said he's sitting on a goldmine and if he wants to give me less equity, we should look at pensions. I'm not sure...I'd prefer a clean break and one as fast and as amicable as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 13:03

Maxiedog123 · 07/12/2023 13:01

So the total assets is about 230 000 house equity, 250000 your pension ,approx 80000 his pension so a total of about 330 000.
Approx Half of this would be you keep your pension, and 150 000 of house equity. Would his parents be able to give him that 150 000 ?

Edited

Probably...we owe about £320k on the mortgage. They've said they'll give him an advance on the inheritance he stands to get when they pop it.

OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 07/12/2023 13:05

Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 13:01

The pot of his we know the value for is worth £25k. He has separate teachers pension tied to the independent school something or other. It's a defined benefit one so getting the CETV has been a nightmare. He pays 8% in each month and school throw in 16% so my advisors have said he's sitting on a goldmine and if he wants to give me less equity, we should look at pensions. I'm not sure...I'd prefer a clean break and one as fast and as amicable as possible.

Edited
Show quote history

Why would you accept less equity if his parents would fund it? If anything I'd be pushing for more than half the equity in exchange for leaving his pension alone.