Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband wants to buy me out of the house

63 replies

Baffers100 · 06/12/2023 15:59

Hi all,

I had a joint mediation session today to discuss finances (our fourth session- a year of mediating now and thus far bugger all really achieved due to him dragging his heels).

We are 36 and 37, been together since 16 and 17. We've been married for 12 years and have lived in our home for 5 years. We are joint tenants named on the mortgage. We have 2 children, aged 7 and 4.

Well...he can't afford to buy on his own with his salary (he's a teacher and still earns more than 'average' but we are in an expensive area in Berkshire). He doesn't "want" to rent as it's "dead money" (but he could rent...) so today in mediation he had a radical plan...

...what if I leave your pension alone (null point- we have the same sized pension pots thus far and mediator said he wouldn't have a claim on my measly £25k anyway). He would give me a percentage (doesn't know what exactly) of his teachers pension. (Again, doesn't know what that's worth due to some legal delays apparently, but at 24% each month it would be around £100k I would guess). His proposal is he buys me out of the house, I go with lesser equity and a bit of his pension.

His money is coming from his parents. They are advancing him what he would have as inheritance basically. His mother is a royal PITA and I am worried they're trying to shaft me.

I can see the perks- consistency for the kids and less upheaval (one new home- mine, not two). They stay with some normality, and chats to date are around us sharing the kids 50/50.

What do I need to be thinking about? In my mind, I want my equal 50% equity. If I walk with less equity but a wedge of his pension I have less cash to spend renting or as a deposit on my new home.

Is there anything else I need to be worried about? Obviously going to seek advice from a solicitor but currently this seems too good to be true. He gets the house and keeps costs low, I get equity and also get out. If it looks like... and it smells like...it's probably is?!

OP posts:
MadMadamMimz · 08/12/2023 11:48

How your partner raises the money to buy you out is not your concern and it is unreasonable to make stipulations around his will.

What is your concern is making sure you get a fair price for the equity in the house and not the price his family thinks is fair when in fact they are shafting you out of thousands of pounds that you need to set up your next home.

Good point made by another poster around tax implications if gifting the money so you will want to get professional advice regarding this.

User69371527 · 08/12/2023 12:00

Will your needs be met? Will you be able to afford to get a house?

the other question is whether a £1 of pension is equivalent to a £1 of cash/house equity.

User69371527 · 08/12/2023 12:01

Also if he buys you out and it’s not part of a formal divorce settlement he’d have to pay stamp duty, so you’d need to draw up a draft consent order or separation agreement.
(I’m being bought out by my ex)

gamerchick · 08/12/2023 12:02

Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 13:11

He's sort of pitching it as it would get me the money quicker than selling the house and enable me to go...like I get less out because it's a quicker solution.

I am on board with him keeping the house TBH. It feels a prison to me and it would be good for the kids to have some consistency. I am just wary of the numbers as his mum is driving this and she's a nasty piece of work.

Show quote history

So like he's going on like he's doing you a favour when it's wins all round for him?

Maxiedog123 · 08/12/2023 12:31

You can't expect to control what he does with the house after its his, he might remarry, he might sell up to move to the coast etc etc.

Definitely don't accept a lower amount in settlement with this impossible to enforce promise that it will benefit your children in terms of inheritance. Even if he agrees now he could change his will in the future without you knowing.

What you do control is what happens to your assets, so you should push for a fair settlement, then you can be sure that you can leave your estate to your kids.

I would be also be wary of accepting a share of his future pension. Ex and family probably think that sometime over the next 25 years they will find a way around that. If there is pension sharing could it go into your pension account? I would think it would be better anyway to have a smaller mortgage now and then be able to put a bit extra into your pension when able.

MarieG10 · 08/12/2023 13:31

Baffers100 · 08/12/2023 09:31

Further info- in laws apparently are planning on giving me a lump sum. In place of me being on the mortgage, after being removed, either his younger brother or they will join the mortgage.

I won't agree if it's his brother. I don't think it is right he will have a legal claim over what is supposed to be the children's family home, not his business opportunity. (Custody will be 50/50- using family home as it's where they've lives most of their lives).

Likewise if the inlaws are on the mortgage, I'd need something written in to the will to say that when they pop their clogs, the house isn't included in their assets to be carved up to the STBXH brother and his child. Is there anything else I am missing?

What if he moves another woman in with children...the family home at that point is potentially carved up to cater for her kids if he marries her. I know it's a long shot/way off but is there anything I need to think about to protect the kids and their inheritance here?

You have no control over who joins him with title in the house

Maxiedog123 · 08/12/2023 13:42

I imagine we have all seen men remarry after divorce or widowhood, and then all the assets of the marriage being willed to the second wife not the children.

Don't accept a lower settlement with such an uninforcable promise.

SunRainStorm · 09/12/2023 01:32

Baffers100 · 08/12/2023 09:31

Further info- in laws apparently are planning on giving me a lump sum. In place of me being on the mortgage, after being removed, either his younger brother or they will join the mortgage.

I won't agree if it's his brother. I don't think it is right he will have a legal claim over what is supposed to be the children's family home, not his business opportunity. (Custody will be 50/50- using family home as it's where they've lives most of their lives).

Likewise if the inlaws are on the mortgage, I'd need something written in to the will to say that when they pop their clogs, the house isn't included in their assets to be carved up to the STBXH brother and his child. Is there anything else I am missing?

What if he moves another woman in with children...the family home at that point is potentially carved up to cater for her kids if he marries her. I know it's a long shot/way off but is there anything I need to think about to protect the kids and their inheritance here?

This is far too convoluted.

You can't control any of this.

Sell it for market value, split the proceeds and move on with your lives.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/12/2023 01:43

Baffers100 · 07/12/2023 13:11

He's sort of pitching it as it would get me the money quicker than selling the house and enable me to go...like I get less out because it's a quicker solution.

I am on board with him keeping the house TBH. It feels a prison to me and it would be good for the kids to have some consistency. I am just wary of the numbers as his mum is driving this and she's a nasty piece of work.

Show quote history

He also gets more out of it, like not having to look at houses or pay to move. Maybe have no stamp duty if it's like where I live and the family home can be transferred with no fees after a judge stamps the financial orders. It's a bit underhanded if he's making it about how advantageous it is for you when the truth is it's even more advantageous for him. If anyone should be taking a hit on the equity it should be him because he'll have a lot less costs than you.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/12/2023 03:08

Baffers100 · 08/12/2023 09:31

Further info- in laws apparently are planning on giving me a lump sum. In place of me being on the mortgage, after being removed, either his younger brother or they will join the mortgage.

I won't agree if it's his brother. I don't think it is right he will have a legal claim over what is supposed to be the children's family home, not his business opportunity. (Custody will be 50/50- using family home as it's where they've lives most of their lives).

Likewise if the inlaws are on the mortgage, I'd need something written in to the will to say that when they pop their clogs, the house isn't included in their assets to be carved up to the STBXH brother and his child. Is there anything else I am missing?

What if he moves another woman in with children...the family home at that point is potentially carved up to cater for her kids if he marries her. I know it's a long shot/way off but is there anything I need to think about to protect the kids and their inheritance here?

The only person you can rely on to support your children in the future is yourself. Don't take less so the kids can stay in the marital home and hopefully inherit it, that way lies madness. You can't rely on him anymore, thats part of the territory in divorce and he's showing you this already in trying to make out he's doing you a favour by keeping the FMH and paying you less equity. Have you spoken to a lawyer, he might potentially get more than 50% equity if needed to house himself and DC since you're doing 50/50 care and he has a significantly lower income. It may be a good deal to take slightly less than 50/50 on the equity, but that has nothing to do with what he's saying benefits to you are, it's about your different incomes.

millymollymoomoo · 09/12/2023 08:06

If he buys you out then it’s not the marital /family home. It’s his. And he can do with it what he likes. Quite right

op you should look at pensions absolutely and ensure your overall settlement is fair to both if you but you are only 36 though, and you earn a decent salary. You have another 30 years to contribute to your own pension pot…..

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 10:38

@Baffers100

Rather than tying yourself in knots trying to control who would have the house equity you "sell" or who else lives in the house I think you should concentrate on getting the best payment on your equity based on true market value (so you arrange three independent estate agents' valuations) and take your own experienced family law society who will have your interests at heart and who should be able to advise and act as intermediary regarding a share in your husband's pension.

Others have counselled a clean break and do I - get what you are due do you can afford a decent property for you and your DC and control, including financially, over your own life. You can leave your new house plus any other cash or other assets (make a new Will as soon as your decree absolute comes through) to your own children - in Trust if necessary (your solicitor can advise) in case you are incapacitated or die before they are of age to handle their own affairs. 🌹

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 10:42

@Baffers100

BTW ensure you claim child benefit for your children and get it paid into your own personal bank account.

www.gov.uk/child-benefit/what-youll-get

You may find this useful reading. 🌹

New posts on this thread. Refresh page