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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Finally I’ve met someone worthy

50 replies

SingleDepressedLonely · 03/12/2023 00:49

After a painful divorce and a horrible child access battle I have finally met someone after 7 years.

Im really scared to jinx it but I have good feelings about this person.

His a mature gentlemen who can hold a very intellectual conversation, his communication seems on point and I’m really enjoying his company.

It’s only been 3 weeks and he hasn’t met my child yet. Is it too soon for me to introduce my child to this person?

I have a good feeling about this person and he doesn’t come across abusive or short tempered. He has a lot of patience for me and my situation and has been very understanding.

I’ve briefly filled him in on how toxic and abusive my ex husband has been in the past and it’s still ongoing. I hope this isn’t going to put him off

His never been married and doesn’t have offspring’s of his own. I’m worried my ex husband will ruin this for me as his always commenting on how sad and lonely I am without him. (And his meant to be a married man)

I’m worried to take the next steps as I have met many in the past but non have compared to what he has to offer a single mother of my status. Financially he seems stable and his intentions seem genuine.

Just wondering if 3/4 weeks is enough time for me to introduce my child to someone that I have only just met and only just given a label to our new relationship. he seems very keen to meet my child.

what should I do?

OP posts:
LittleBlueUnicorn · 03/12/2023 00:52

3 weeks?!

Marmighty · 03/12/2023 00:53

Received wisdom on mumsnet is that you don’t introduce a child to a new partner for at least six months, if not longer. Why do they need to meet your child? At 4 weeks you know almost nothing about this man

Ffsnotaconference · 03/12/2023 00:53

After 3/4 weeks you don’t know this man. 3 or 4 weeks is nothing and people (all of us) manage to put our best selves for forward for at least a few months.

Your ‘good feelings’ about him have no impact on wether he is a good person or not.

Honestly, I can’t think of a good reason you would be even thinking of introducing your child at this point.

CheekyHobson · 03/12/2023 00:57

I’m hoping this is a troll post but under no circumstances should you introduce your child to a man you’ve known for less than a month.

You barely know this guy and frankly, there are red flags about both him and you all over your post.

  • He’s a fair bit older than you
  • Never married or had kids - that doesn’t happen by accident
  • He’s weirdly keen to meet your child
  • You’re over sharing about your ex
  • You’re still in contact with an abusive ex to the degree that he can tell you you’d be better of with him and you fear he might mess with your new relationship… clearly you haven’t set firm enough boundaries

I think you need further therapy before you get right back into another abusive relationship.

A year of dating, minimum, before you introduce your child to someone.

newyearsresolurion · 03/12/2023 00:57

3 weeks is nothing id get therapy to heal from what you went through with your ex if I were you.Of course do not introduce this man to your child.

AutumnFroglets · 03/12/2023 01:03

Just wondering if 3/4 weeks is enough time for me to introduce my child to someone that I have only just met and only just given a label to our new relationship. he seems very keen to meet my child.

Fuck me. He saw you coming, didn't he. Get some therapy. Get some boundaries. Protect your child.

EtiennePalmiere · 03/12/2023 01:04

Why is he keen ? Bit disturbing

Morewineplease10 · 03/12/2023 01:08

Sounds dodgy to me op!

Why does he want to meet your child? Very off.

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 01:18

Why does he need to meet your child? You don't even know if this relationship has legs yet. Keep your child out of relationships until there is commitment there.

tescocreditcard · 03/12/2023 01:24

Why does he need to meet your child?

AngelAurora · 03/12/2023 01:27

Of course it's too early, it's been 3 weeks!

strawberrysea · 03/12/2023 02:44

Yes, it's too soon. The fact that he's 'keen' to meet them is a red flag.

Also just speaking from experience here but telling new partners about past abuse usually doesn't do you any favours.

Redglitter · 03/12/2023 02:50

3 weeks? Are you kidding ofcourse you don't introduce him to your child. You don't know him yet you certainly don't know enough to put him in your child's life

If he is Mr Wonderful as you say, then enjoy getting to know him & spending time together & if everything is still rosey in another 6 months maybe think about then.

user1483387154 · 03/12/2023 05:12

absolutely bat shit crazy

endofthelinefinally · 03/12/2023 05:36

If this is real you are being incredibly foolish and naive.
Take heed of all the responses on this thread.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/12/2023 05:37

How old is your child? If your DC is a 25 year old who doesn't live at home, by all means get together at the pub for a drink.

If your DC is a 10 year old (for example) and relies on you for love, care and stability then you would be crazy to introduce them until you know him MUCH better and for FAR LONGER!

Theoldwoman · 03/12/2023 05:43

How old are your children?
3 weeks seems too short for me.
6 months minimum.

This was hard to read . His = He’s.

Holly2285 · 03/12/2023 05:46

Definitely way too soon to be meeting your child. 3 weeks is no time at all and anyone can show you their best side. It's further down the line when you really get to know someone. As others have said, it's a bit odd he seems so keen to meet your child already. I wouldnt even consider it until at least 6 months although after a year seems reccomended as most relationships don't last a year

scoobysnaxx · 03/12/2023 05:48

No way.

You don't know this man.

It's also a bit of a red if he's do very keen to meet your child after 3 weeks. That would concern me.

The fact that at the moment he doesn't come across as abusive or short tempered at the moment is irrelevant.

Again, you don't know him, you'd be mad to introduce them.

user1492757084 · 03/12/2023 05:50

No, don't introduce him for at least a few months and then only in a controlled public space.
I would never bring a man to my children's home in under six months.
I would not have him stay over unless I were extremely sure of the relationship continuing. The longer you keep the man a secret from your ex and your child the better and the less your ex can manipulate negatively.

See the man in various situations and have fun outings and pay good attention to how respectful and kind he is to you.
Introduce him first to some trusted friends and your siblings and parents. If they all get the same good feeling about him once they know him then meeting your child would be next.

Be prepared to remain happily living apart for a few years.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/12/2023 05:53

hmm, I strongly suspect you are the “older gentleman” here but I’ll bite and answer.

I have cheese in my fridge that’s older than your “relationship”.

Of course 3 weeks is too soon. If you don’t know that you’re not ready for a relationship as a single mom.

Why is he so keen to meet your child?

Ffsnotaconference · 03/12/2023 06:28

I don’t think the Op is the older gentleman but it’s possible.

I think the Op is someone who is very sad. Very lonely and desperate to be loved. Desperate to create a traditional family set up and is jumping in far too quickly.

I suspect Op has done very little in the last few years to heal from her marriage. Never been comfortable with being single. All this is a recipe for disaster, when a new partner appears. The rush to move the relationship forward and great speed, means all the flags are missing.

Arggghhhhhhhh · 03/12/2023 06:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thelonemommabear · 03/12/2023 06:41

3 weeks? I've got food in my fridge which has been around longer

GreatGateauxsby · 03/12/2023 06:44
You Cant Be Serious Schitts Creek GIF by CBC

That you are even asking is nuts.

Consider introducing your child when you have been together minimum 18m /2 years