Final Hearing in the divorce proceeding.

[woolyjenny]

Hi,
We are going through a toxic divorce and we just cant come to a conclusion.
Yes it will cost alot of money, but I fell that I deserve more than his offer. We have been married for nearly 20 years , nobody else involved. He started questioning me about the amount of money I was spending, as if he cant afford it, anyway I was wondering if any body has reached the final hearing and whether they have any tips to share with me. What kind of things are discussed?
did any one come out quite well?
Is it is as brutal as made out? Thankyou if you are willing to share.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but given what you've said above, you will be expected to support yourself and it will be more like 50/50 of total assets. You've been very lucky that he has been so generous so far. If you decide to go all the way to try for 70/30, you'll be wasting your money. You need to drastically change your lifestyle or go full-time if you can't manage on that money.

Hardly enough for what?

70% of £280k is £196000, plus a full-time earning potential of upwards of £40k now the kids are older teens (you will 100% be expected to maximise your income). Not to mention what could be 70% of a massive pension?

Plenty for a huge deposit on a 2 bed place (assuming teens are on the cusp of moving out) plus excellent mortgage potential for 20 years.

Why do you think you should have more? The kids are close to being independent, you have no reason not to be working ft.

"woolyjenny · Today 14:00
Hi,
He started questioning me about the amount of money I was spending, as if he cant afford it, "

This..

You seem to have adjusted to certain "lavish" lifestyle and are now struggling to come out of it.

And you want him to continue to bankroll you.

Okay, I'm going to assume the facts based on what I have seen so far. Please correct me anywhere I am incorrect on the following:

Ages: W - 45, H - 47
Children: 1 boy aged 16 (18 year old is an adult);
Incomes: W - £3.5k net; H - £5.6k net (assuming £100k gross)
Assets: Equity in FMH of £280k. You haven't mentioned pensions but will assume there is one.

Each divorce is unique so the advice that follows is only general in nature, but the short answer is that if my figures above are correct your husband is being extremely generous and the likely outcome at a FH is going to be much worse for you.

What the court is going to do is look at what your reasonable needs are to avoid undue hardship (some hardship is fine). Your strict needs are going to be a two bedroom flat and an income to support yourself and your youngest son. Even in the most expensive parts of Wales (and as you work from home, you might be expected to move to a cheaper area once your youngest leaves secondary school), you can buy a two bedroom flat with half of the equity and a modest mortgage that on £3.5k net you can easily raise a mortgage against. So, a 50/50 division of the FMH will probably result because there is no reason to move away from equality. For the pensions, they will probably want a pension report so that the two of you have the same predicted incomes arising at the point you retire from the pots available. It will be close to 50/50 but maybe deviate slightly to achieve this.

As to income, £3.5k plus child maintenance will be considered more than enough to meet your reasonable needs. So I would expected spousal maintenance to be terminated quite quickly. He might be ordered to pay some of the mortgage until the house is sold but that will be about it.

If you are not in fact earning £3.5k and this is actually your net income in total with maintenance, the outcome will be slightly different. You will probably get some maintenance for another year whilst you adjust but it certainly won't amount to the £3.8k you are currently receiving unless he is earning a lot more than just over £100k. You will be expected after that to work full time and support yourself.

A couple of other points:

1. You may be able to collect some child benefit for your youngest; and

2. In the event £3.5k is not your earnings but your total income, then it should still be sufficient to get a mortgage on a modest flat to meet your needs.

Sorry, one other thing I should add. If you're racking up huge costs when he is being this generous, then this could turn into one of those rare cases where one side is ordered to pay more than half of the costs. I would approach a FH with extreme caution.

50/50 split
you get a full time job
he pays child maintenance until age 18 (he then pays towards uni but to your child)

Sorted.

I think that's a generous offer especially as the dc are teens.

This will give you time to find a full time job and increase your earnings. Tbh I'd bite his hand off

You live in wales so this will give you more than enough to live on and find a 3 bed house suitable for the dc. You don't live in London where I appreciate finding a house near schools can be expensive

Nah. You’re pulling our legs?

Is your ds who is 16yo going to a private school and is the payment you are receiving from your ex covering that too?

Yep that's not enough. You should be insisting on the shirt off his back too.

You’re in for a shock in court
quite possibly will be awarded less than current offer
you have no basis for spousal and will be told to work full time if you need more momey
perhaos slight case for slightly higher than 50:50 on house

hopes he wins

Based on the facts I've heard so far I can't see any reason for deviating from 50/50. If they were in the south east of England maybe but they are in Wales and age of parties, cost of housing and respective incomes would mean OP could quite easily meet her needs with 50%.

Ffs you have got to be having a laugh?!

People like this do exist. DH’s ex, for one.

Mortifying isn’t it.

Yes, you’ll have to work full time. Good news is one kid is an adult and the other will be in two years so nothing to stop you; crack on.

Only working part time when you have an adult child at 18 and a 16 year old is a piss take really unless there is some huge backstory and one requires additional care. I think I'm on your husbands side on this one sorry - and you previously cheated on him as well!?

Sorry I think that seems OK. You can work full time as your DC are older and the courts will expect that you live within your means (ie what you earn). The maintenance is really for upkeep of DC. The 70/30 split is to recognise that you perhaps gave up FT work to care for kids etc

What is it you’re after? What’s your legal team saying is likely?

What was his offer and what are you looking for?

This isn't quite right. Splits of assets deviate from 50/50 if one party's needs are greater, not because they may have sacrificed a career. If 50/50 meets needs, they will not deviate. I don't think 70/30 is likely in this scenario because the OP's need is only a 2 bedroom flat.

Fair enough! You sound quite knowledgeable on all this.
I guess I was just trying to rationalise why a 70/30 was offered. The point is the same though... it was a good offer and OP should accept!

I eanre more than my ex and he got about 60% (and I did not have to pay him maintenance - we both work full time). Our agreed order sealed by the court - the consent order on finances (we didn't have court hearings) says I pay university costs - those stopped last year as the youngest left.

The longer post above seems right - take the offer and run and avoid wasting even more of the house equity on costs.

Hardly enough? OMG-- You need to increase your employment to full time, if it's not enough. Don't drag this out anymore. Stop spending money you don't have re: credit cards.

Is this a reverse?! I really do hope so...