How did you work out child maintenance amount?

[Coffee473]

My exH is throwing his toys out of the pram about maintenance and thinks the amount I have asked him for, using the government child
maintenance calculator here https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance is too high.

According to him he’s “asked around” and most people don’t use that, they just use a figure that works for them. He also doesn’t think he needs to pay anything extra (such as cost of school dinners, uniform etc) despite the fact that he has them 3 nights a week.

For context, he is a very high earner (over £100k) so the amount is probably higher than a lot of people.

I have no idea who he has been asking, probably the various single mums he has dated. But just out of curiosity, if you are divorced/separated, how have you worked out the maintenance costs?

Well yes, if they are his responsibility he should pay school dinners. School uniform is a more grey area; if he is paying you £950 a month and you are only looking after them 1 extra day in every 7 then you are getting nearly £240 a time for just that one day. I think he might reasonably expect you to pay for their school uniform from that amount.

If he's having to rent he's getting a pretty "shit deal" too. The problem is that actually it's not in either adult's interests to be living like this, it's done for the children. With one parent living in the FMH and the other having to rent, between you there is a lot more "dead money" than their would be if you could both own a place. It's also going to leave a much smaller inheritance for your DCs. However, it's done in their interest to have somewhere stable to live. He certainly doesn't sound any better off than you in this situation and given the rental market he runs a high risk of upheaval once a year that includes a lot of extra tenancy fees etc.

@FSTraining I would like him to buy some school uniform so that he is responsible for it, rather than the DC running out or coming back here with dirty unwashed uniform. It’s about him taking some responsibility. Also, at the start of term I had to buy 2 pairs of school shoes, trainers and football boots, all in adult sizes. It’s a massive expense in one month.

Hi op, I would say contact child maintenance. Clearly, he isn't listening to you. Personally I would say he should be paying 50/50..

My dad was in your situation. His ex-wife tried to ask him for a lot each month for his 2 kids he has with her. Then he found out she was taking drugs, so he contacted CM himself and gave all the details they needed and was told to pay £200 a month, which he was happy about. And whenever he has the children, which would be of been ever other weekend, he would pay the ex and still spend what he has to spend on the kids.

Now kids live with him full time, and they only see there mum every other weekend.

Hope all works out for you

Your dh is talking rubbish. Most people use CMS, at least as a guide.

Just let the CMS deal with it. It is absolutely pointless trying to deal with this idiot. Don't be drawn into discussion. Tough shit if he doesn't like it. I hate these arseholes who think they can wash their hands of financial responsibility. He's a high earner, you could suggest to him that the court will set maintenance in that case (I'm unsure of the thresholds off the top of my head) but I promise you he will never stick to a private arrangement. CMS all the way.

Legally, you can want that but there is no avenue you can pursue to make him pay it. There is however the avenue to make him pay £950 rather than the £400 he is suggesting.

As you are getting £950 (and he cannot change this) to have the children 4 or 5 days extra a month than him, then that really ought to be plenty for uniforms and shoes. In fact, it's more than enough to make sure he has a set at his too.

From his perspective, if you push this, he could quite reasonably demand 50/50 care (it would only mean another 26 days with him per annum) and pay you no child maintenance at all.

@FSTraining you have no idea of my other expenses such as mortgage, bills etc, or my earnings. Did you also miss the part where I said in reality he often doesn’t have them on his allocated days. The point is that child maintenance is based on his income. I appreciate he is a high earner and I get more than a lot of people do. But that doesn’t mean my DC don’t deserve to have that amount.

If costs were just split 50/50 it would benefit him because it would be less than he pays now. Are you wanting him to pay the £950 per month plus half of all the costs? That seems like a lot. Will you manage when the children turn 18 and you are £950 down per month? Plus having your share of the uni costs to pay. That would worry me. Maybe it’s worth going back to mediation?

I don't need to have any knowledge of these other outgoings to advise on child maintenance. I'm giving you advice based on how it works, not on how you would like it to work.

That would probably be bad advice. He would need to be earning £156k or more for the court to be able to override CMS jurisdiction. If the calculator is suggesting £950 based on a 4/3 split then I'd estimate he's probably closer to about £100-120k.

Well if he would agree to drop the price we could sell and we'd both be better off. However, my concern for how shit his deal is is minimal since it's his fault we're in this mess.

Go the CMS as he's not going to agree to more. At least with the CMS you can budget as you will know what he should be paying

If he is self employed you might have a struggle proving what he earns.

However you will get nowhere with him as he is already as crying about it

Well, I'm not getting involved in that! Just saying it's rarely in either party's interests to stay financially tied but you already seem pretty clued up on that.

The only ‘extras’ I have asked him for are school dinners on his days and uniform. And half the cost of the tutor, which he agreed. I pay for their clothes, travel to school, pocket money, clubs etc. The school dinners/uniform aren’t a massive expense it’s true, it’s just more about the principle and the annoyance of having the DC message me asking for food money when it’s meant to be ‘his’ day.

The £950 is the amount the CMS calculator says he should pay based on 2/3 days a week.

For peace of mind I would just go with cms and let them collect: I did that with mine as it stopped the arguments. He was a high earner. I would just take everything from that. He doesn't sound like the mosh cooperative of all people so do you really want to be arguing the toss for the next ten years?

Fts is telling you what is correct
you can calculate based on cms based on nights and legally that’s it
you may want more, need more, feel entitled to more but legally no recourse so if he does not agree to pay cms plus more in reality you can’t do a great deal

so go to cms and get him to pay per those calculations where at least you do have some recourse if he doesn’t pay it

So, school dinners he should absolutely be paying although in practice you might find this difficult (hard to tell your child they aren't getting dinner money unless dad pays).

School uniform should be paid from what you are receiving. So should the tutor, unless it is on one of his days.

ExP pays exactly what the CMS calculator states plus a contribution towards the arrears he has wracked up, so around £500 a month but nothing else, no extras or anything. He also doesn’t see DS for more than a couple of hours every 6 months or so (his choice). Most people I know do use the CMS calculation and base their arrangement off of that. I know some people who pay/receive more but no one who pays/receives less.

I am a family law solicitor and I deal with these kind of cases.

It doesn't atter so much what your arrangement is but more important is what actually happens. The odd change to the schedule is immaterial, but when he is consistently not having your son overnight midweek twice a week then he may only be entitled to a 52-103 night discount.

Do your online calculation based on what night times he's had over the last 6 months. Then go to the CMS. You shouldn't have to suffer him not paying half of agreed costs just because he spent some money on a social activity with your son.

I’m sure most NRPs do pay less than him, because most workers earn less than him.

I would go through CMS because he is dicking you around.

Is that weekly or monthly?

@TammyJones it’s monthly
@Collaborate thanks for the insight. I really don’t want to go to the CMS as I think any civil relationship we have might break down- but if he carries on I might have no choice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely if you are a solicitor you know you would need evidence of a change in what has been agreed first? Otherwise what's to stop the OP saying he has no nights at all? Also, surely you know you should ask about holiday arrangements too? I'm only a trainee but this needs to be known as a minimum.

I think the OP will need to diarise nights and record some kind of evidence before CMS can base it on actual rather than a 2-3 night basis.

@FSTraining Yes you're right. I hadn't checked the parameters before I posted as k was rushing out. It wouldn't be good advice in this situation.