Help, can't afford a solicitor

[GullTQY]

Just after some advice. Currently going through a divorce. I can't afford a solicitor and am feeling rather overwhelmed by everything currently. Has anyone been through a similar situation.

The main points of it are..

He is proposing to pay the majority of the mortgage a month. (Interest only mortgage) £700 and I pay £350. In agreement that I do not ask for child maintenance. He currently gives me £60 a month for 2 children who live with me in the house. He earns 23K a year. I earn 11K a year, topped up with tax credits comes to about 19K.

Is this fair? I was of the understanding that he earns more than me, so should be paying more of the mortgage? Or is this not the case? And would a court view it differently? He doesn't want to sell the house until the children are 18, which I'm grateful for.

He lives with his mum in her house, and as far as I know pays very little if any rent, or bills. He goes on 2-3 holidays abroad a year coating 2-3K at a time, while I struggle to pay for a caravan holiday for a few hundred pounds. He spends his money like it's growing on a tree in the garden while I'm close to being in my overdraft every month.

I know I'm lucky he's agreed not to try and force a sale of the house, but are his solicitors proposals really fair? Should I really accept no maintenance payments EVER because he's paying more on the mortgage?

I'm so overwhelmed by it all right now

Please be kind, I'm fragile

Sell the house and split the assets. Just because he said he will pay doesn't mean he will pay it next year. Get a clean break, divide house, pension, savings, investments etc. Claim CMS.

Pay for a one hr consultation with a solicitor. All the divorce stuff can be online by yourself but you might need a solicitor to help finalise finances or custody. You can use a mediator which is cheaper if you are both reasonably amicable.

He might use the fact he's paying the mortgage to stop you dating or use it against you if he disapproves of how you raise the children. This is why most judges prefer the clean break option.

£23k salary is less than £20k net, take off the £8,400 mortgage payment, £9k holidays and £720 maintenance there's less than £3k left for all other spending. So £250 a month for bills, food, travel, cars etc

There information missing here that has a big bearing on what is feasible

Notwithstanding if the solicitor is saying he won't pay maintenance in exchange for £700 a month mortgage payment and you can go and claim from CMS 12 months later whilst the mortgage payment remains enforceable suggests he isn't using a solicitor

He is on a low income. He is not obliged to pay any of the mortgage, only child maintenance. Not sure how you can be on tax credits as there have been no new claims for tax credits for years and you would have needed to make a claim for Uc when you became single.

On 23k he'd be paying about £300 a month cm . I don't think I'd be pressing him to pay anymore cm when he's paying so much of the mortgage

Saying that I would be selling the house, sod having to trust that he'll pay it. It may be alright while he's living with parents but how long is that likely to carry on

See if this might help you - http://iamlip.com/ - I couldn't afford a solicitor, whilst my ex had one, so I used this website. It took me through the entire process and helped me understand what was going on and what I could do. I don't know how much he should be providing financially but if you have the kids, it might be helpful to look at the child maintenance section of the website.

See if maybe these might help you too. Use mumsnet as there's a lot of good advice here and you can get answers to questions you have rather than asking a solicitor first. Same with facebook divorce groups, I joined a bunch and they offer great advice there - they might be able to point you to where you need to go to get some more help.
Hope all of these can help!

You're paying over £1000 a month on an interest only mortgage?

I don't agree you should necessarily sell up. You won't get a mortgage anywhere else and may struggle to rent.

£700 is a lot more than maintenance would be.

How old are the children op?

it’s not fair no - but more so to him I think
its not fair he has to live with his mum

its not right he’s paying mortgage on a house he’s not able to live im ( and as it’s interest only it’s really like renting unless there is some sort of investment that will pay the capital later). He could argue you owe him occupational rent

how long until the chikdren are 18 and what then?

any solicitor will tell him not to agree this proposal as you can claim cms after 12 mo the after court order anyway! And. If the mortgage is 700 ( his share) that’s higher than cns

the numbers are not adding up here either. 23kk is v low salary so it’s doubtful he’s spending thousands on holidays while also paying 700 fir mortgage and any other expenses he has

it sounds to me like you should be selling the house, separating all your finances, claiming cns and any other benefits ( inc housing) you’re entitled to

Honestly, get a clean break. It's the best way.

Thankyou so much for your kindness and advice 🙏

The children are 8 and 13.

We separated 6 years ago, covid and funds got in the way of any divorce proceedings. So I am on tax credits and not UC as applied before they stopped doing it

He currently only pays £60 for the children, agreed by us when we first separated and i had to fight for this much. Not done through the CMA/CSA as his argument is he pays alot more of the mortgage and he threatened to stop paying anything towards the mortgage if i went down the official CMA route and still is to this day. I understand that but I don't know how a court would look at it.

I think for me, the struggle is that although he pays the majority if the mortgage, it doesn't free up that money or me, I am.not saving that saving that money as such, so I can put it aside for the children, because I don't have that money spare each month to begin with, if that makes sense. I'm struggling to stay out of my overdraft each month.

We both agree selling isn't the right thing to do for the kids, they're both young and going through important personal battles but I'm aware a clean break would be beneficial for us both. It's all just a bit overwhelming really. I have very little savings so the thought of uprooting them to a flat and paying a ridiculous amount in these times of high rents etc makes me feel like myself and the chilsren would be worse off.

I guess I just wanted some acknowledgement that he doesn't pay enough 'for the kids' but he refuses to do that. I am grateful he pays more on the mortgage, of course, I'm not some money grabbing ex wife, but I also don't get to live the life he does, I struggle financially, he doesn't. It's hard to know where to cut the emotions off over that fact and not let it get in the way of what's fair and right financially

At the root of your financial problems is your want to stay in the family home. Which according to your post has a mortgage payment of £1000. Is this correct? You cannot afford this without his income.

Now outside if court and CMS you can come to any agreement you want. If you go to court and use CMS the outcome will be that

1. the house is sold and you split the equity. You won’t get a mortgage and will have to rent. Once split up you get CMS of c£300
2. you can stay in the house until the children are 18 but you will be responsible for the mortgage which you cannot afford. All you would get from him is CMS. That will be c£300 at best.

There is no upside to going to court. The bottom line is that you don’t earn enough. Although your statement of income seems low as UC would be more than that with 2 children.

You need to also think about what happens when he decides this is untenable. If he met someone else and they wanted to buy or rent. Then a divorce and house sale.

But the bottom line is your decision to put home ownership as a priority and your low income are why you have no disposable income. These are things you can change.

Are you sure your mortgage figures are correct? £1000 seems extremely high for just the interest especially as your wages are fairly low.

Tbh I would say £760 a month is a lot to be getting even if it does go towards the mortgage, if he decided to get his own place and just pay CM you’d be looking at a lot less.

Do you have any equity in the house?

If he gave you the money in cash you would need to use it to pay the mortgage anyway.

The problem is that you want to stay in the house but you can't afford to.

Have you any equity in the house?

He could stop paying the mortgage at any point and you would be liable to pay it. Or lose the house and wreck your credit score.

Paying the mortgage is paying for the kids though. He’s on a low income and doesn’t earn much more than you once you take tax credits into account.

a court wouldn’t order him to pay any more. He would be justified in just paying CMS (which would be about £300 a month assuming he doesn’t have them overnight).

Thankyou everyone, I really appreciate your input. It's really beneficial to hear all your advice and thoughts and helps my worldwind of thoughts

How much is your mortgage if your (Interest only mortgage) £700 and I pay £350 ? This seems extremely high

Your issue is that you can't afford the house. How long has it been on interest only? How long will it remain on interest only? Is there any equity in the house at all?

His wage is low and he needs to have enough funds to be able to house himself. It's somewhat irrelevant that he lives with his mum - presumably he won't be there indefinitely?

I agree he should be paying more child maintenance, but on his salary, he shouldn't be paying £700 off an interest only mortgage for a house he doesn't live in!

It seems the best solution would be to sell the house and you rent a 2/3 bed - whatever is within range - with him paying the appropriate amount of maintenance.

Op in the nicest possible way he IS paying for the kids as he’s paying the mortgage

I’d really be concerned personally that’s its interest only if there is no ISA or other pot being built up to pay the capital . Is there equity at all? You could find that when you sell there is none so in effect you’ve both been renting

tbh im surprised he’s agreed to this and if you want to remain there I’d think not to push for more as you could see things rapidly change. A situation where’s he’s at his mums for next 9 years doesn’t seem sustainable….

If you are only paying interest only mortgage you'd be better off selling the house, splitting equity, getting a clean break where you could probably pension share and he pays CMS for his DC. A clean break is the best way. If you rented and were on UC you'd get a lot of rent paid by UC. Also UC don't count any money paid as CMS.

Op in the nicest possible way he IS paying for the kids as he’s paying the mortgage
No he isn't. He is investing in a physical item that will reap a huge reward when sold and he gets a minimum of 50%. It's his savings account.

Basically you cannot afford to live there anymore. Start looking for somewhere different even if that means moving schools. You are getting stressed by the situation and will end up making yourself ill. Go speak to someone at citizens advice.

No he’s not if it’s interest only

he’s also contributing more to op current life by paying this, and living at his mums. Op would actually likely be better off selling, renting then claim housing allowance /portion of uc and cms

we don’t know what has been agreed if anything in terms of split if house when it is sold and the equity appreciation is likely going to be required to pay off the capital still owed at that point as currently none of that is being paid down it seems

Op I am in your situation and what other posters are saying is wrong in that he is paying for the kids by paying the mortgage. These are 2 seperate things. If you are joint tenants then you are both liable for 50% of the mortgage payments. On top of this he has to pay child maintenance.

What he can do, is request a variation to take into consideration the mortgage payments. This will not for example take his £500 mortgage payment away from the monthly cm figure, it is deducted from his annual salary and then the cm is based on that. The reduction isn't huge, however as he isn't a high earner I doubt he would be paying much cm anyway.

I have managed fine representing myself in court and the judge has ordered that the house cannot be sold until our youngest dc is 18. In your situation I would consider selling though as £1000 is a lot for an interest only mortgage payment every month.

If it’s joint and both are named on mortgage it’s joint and several liability meaning he can just stop paying ( of course that would impact his credit)

the reality here is both parties are low incomes. It’s not tenable fir him to pay this mortgage, plus cms while also staying with his mum. If op pushes it she’ll likely see him very quickly want to sell ( they should anyway) and ops ex contribution drop simply to cms levels ( much less than 700 a month on 23k)

@INeedAnotherName but the payments are interest only. Presumably there is no contribution being made to a fund to help with repayment. This is not a savings fund.

If I was him I’d be pretty annoyed to have paid 75% of the mortgage for the last six years, plus possibly another 10 if the youngest is only 8 and then only get 50% of any equity back on sale.

@GullTQY is there any equity in the property now? How much is it worth and what is the redemption figure on the mortgage? IMHO you’re just kicking the can down the road. How will you house yourself once the house has to be sold?