Don't want to go to court for financial settlement

[jessmando]

I don't know if it is best to settle for a less favourable financial settlement or to go to court. I am the primary carer for our son and I am the lower earner. My solicitor recommends I can get roughly 60/40 on the house and a pension share to equalise our pensions. Husband is offering 52.5/47.5 and less than pension equality to me. We don't appear to be able to agree so solicitors say court looks likely. I am so stressed and I can't sleep worrying about going to court and selling the house, I can get by financially on the lower settlement. Would you just settle to draw a line under everything and move on. I just want to have some kind of inner peace, although my family will say I am spineless and there is no point me paying a solicitor and not taking their advice?

Why don’t you want to go to court?

I am a bit scared, I don't know if it is worth it for the pot of money we have to share. I think I will feel like a better person if I can sort things out amicably with my ex. Settling would be quicker? when everything is resolved I can move forward in life at the moment I can't plan or look forward to anything.

I was in a similar situation. My ex was very aggressive and kept rejecting all financial offers and we ended up going to court.
I was terrified and was so stressed out and almost agreed to a lower offer just to keep the peace and restore my sanity.
However, the extra money spent going to court then, has given me more long term. I came away with a higher percentage of the house and my pensions intact.
I know it’s awful, but if you have a good legal team - they will make sure you come out with the best deal - stay strong xx

I've heard a few people on here say that in the earlier hearings the judge will say roughly what they'd be recommending if you wish to settle between yourselves before final hearing.

Lower earner and primary caregiver usually will get more assets, so it's highly unlikely you'd be awarded less than he's offering you. Just depends how much the fees will be. What if you countered 55/45?

How much are you arguing over ? Wgat your share at 60% vs 53?

thats your guide

Put fear aside for one moment. What I would suggest you do is work out what 7.5% of the equity in your home plus the foregone pension is worth. Then take away a figure of around £20-30k which is a reasonable estimate for a case that goes to final hearing.

If the figure is sufficiently positive, then try and build yourself up for a court case. If the amount is negligible or negative, then it will be for him too. Tell him that and offer to meet in the middle on 56/44 and a pension share.

Thanks everyone for the pragmatic and supportive advice! I weigh up the costs as @FSTraining suggests before I talk to the solicitor again and go from there. I think that if going to court costs £20-30K it is only borderline whether it is worth it.

But remember you being £25K worse off means that by you accepting the deal he is £50K better off. He gets your £25K and doesn't have to pay the court fees.

If its borderline, you spent on fees what extra you got - you're net zero. He is down the £25K from his deal plus the same again in fees, so he is £50K worse off than now. Remember he has so much more to lose.

Yes and no. I did say try and meet in the middle. Sometimes the higher earner will take it to court to force financial ties to be broken though, even if they lose money in the short term. It doesn't seem to be the case here but perhaps it is a factor.

So he actually wants more than 50% of the assets. You need to start the court process, it doesn’t mean that it will end up in an all out court hearing more that he will be pushed to accept a much fairer offer.

or send a counter offer to him 60/40 house and keep pensions (what are these)

And you can represent yourself at court

Yeah but as PP says the judge will usually tell you both how it’s going to go so you can settle before final hearing.

At which point your ex will capitulate.

As another PP says, it’s not just that you are loosing 25k, it’s that he’d gain 50k.

He’s just bullying you in the belief you’ll let him.

By all means check with the solicitor when you’d need to call a halt to avoid being worse off, but do future you a favour and don’t let him take you for a mug.

You are the resident parent "fighting" for adequate housing for your child and that makes you a good parent.

Capitulating to your ex, resulting in you struggling month-to-month or having greater financial stress doesn't help your child.

You are doing this for your child, not you.

There is a good reason why the lower earner and resident parent tends to get more in the divorce; usually because their career and potential earnings have taken a hit due to childcare.

At least threaten to go to court as your ex might increase his offer then anyway.

It doesn't need to cost anywhere near that.

You can appoint a Direct access barrister to represent you in court. Saves a lot!

Yes, obviously agreeing outside of court is better if you can. However, I was trying to show OP she doesn't have much to fear from court, and that she doesn't have to take a lowball offer out of fear of the court process.

I agree fear is not the main factor. The three issues with court are that it will delay reaching settlement until the case can be heard; it costs a lot of money and it takes all decision making away from the parties. The first two factors can be a tactical advantage to the stronger financial party (it is seldom worth the legal expense to pursue maintenance pending suit and the higher earner is often better placed to afford solicitor's bills).

How old is your child? If your husband is a high earner he will be obliged to pay for the child; a friend of mine was in similar position to you. Accepted only just acceptable settlement but her ex is paying £1,000 per month for the child.

Hello! Just came on to give my story I was in the same position spending lots of money and hours of time stressing arguing with a selfish greedy person! I went to court well I didn't actually go to court as it was when the courts were shut through covid. The judge heard both sides or our solicitors arguments for each of us and he gave us the choice to put our heads together again and come to an arrangement before it went to court court full barrister the lot.
We both went away and re grouped and came to a decision I lowered a bit and he agreed ( didn't get what he took me to court to get).
The judge will be very - you do realise how much money this will cost you for the little assets your arguing about type of talk.
At least go to this!! I promise you it will turn out fair good luck

Sorry just to add the judge did recommend a settlement too if it were to go to the final hearing this is what he would of ordered.
The risk it is won't be the same judge on the day of the final hearing which is I imagine why most people settle first hearing

Have you thought about getting your solicitor to invite your ex for mediation or choose one and invite him direct? I paid for mediation with a judge - they didn't give much of a steer and it was expensive but it may be a way of getting your ex to play ball without the stress of court. Mediation does get expensive so puts both parties under pressure to negotiate.

You may be able to negotiate a 60:40 split in your favour at mediation potentially but in my experience you still have to fight your own corner and it only works when both parties reasonable.

Remember to include pensions in asset division, you should be receiving atleast 50 % of pension pot.

What has solicitor said would be fair split?

They'll only be obligated to pay what CMS say for a child. The court can only make an order for 12 months after which either party can go to CMS. For one child he would need to be earning around £120k after pension contributions to pay £1k a month on CMS and that would also be on the assumption the child does no overnights with him.

Just to say that I went to court last month. I felt like you and didn't want to go, but my husband had forced it. It was far from worth it. The stress, the cost (£40k in total), the intimidation on the day. I came out far far worse off than anyone expected. If i had my time again i wouldn't even split from my abusive husband the whole process has been so costly and expensive. The judge completely sided with my husband - my barrister and solicitor were both stunned.

For me, I wouldn't do it again. It wasn't worth the stress and I am now left with huge debts and no future.

I don't wish to sound mean, but quite clearly your husband "forced" you to go to court because he was more realistic about the outcome than you and your legal representatives. This should serve as a warning to others with unrealistic expectations.

People who want to avoid court need to think of the reasonable needs of both of the parties. Invariably final hearings happen when one side - almost always the losing side - refuses to do so.

Actually no, that's not it at all. It wasn't a final hearing and I refused nothing. I was keen to finish the process which he has unecessarily dragged out. We had tried mediation and he threatened me during it so that failed.

I was extremely realistic. My husband is a wealthy man. He is self-employed and has hidden money during this process. What I had hoped was that the court would agree that I needed to provide a home for my children. The court didn't agree.

I also hoped that they would appreciate that my husband has a much better chance of increasing his income than me (he is self-employed in a professional capacity, I am an unskilled worker), he is due a large inheritance, I have no prosepct of any future inheritance. And so on...

My only point was, that for me, the stress and emotional toll was not worth the process. I have been extremely ill with stress for 18 months and don't think court was worth it. Alot of people told me "spend another £10k, you may get £15k back which will make it worthwhile". But I didn't, and it wasn't.

Always helpful to see various sides.

and just to add - he forced it because he is a bully. He had bullied me for years and continues to do so. And the £40k legal fees was just mine. He paid approximately the same.