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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Insufficient assets, what happens next

48 replies

Onestepforwardseveryday · 21/09/2023 22:00

Chances are we won’t agree on a financial split as there just isn’t enough money available to adequately house everyone.
Parent who is going to be resident parent is unlikely to be able to work due to child’s significant disabilities and lack of childcare which is suitable. Family house was adapted to meet child’s disability needs.
other parent will need to be housed and wants a property big enough to have children stay over etc. can’t raise a mortgage due to credit problems and currently only working very part time and not earning enough to secure a mortgage.
I know this could drag on for a long time and it would be better if we could agree a split but what is a fair split when there isn’t enough money in the pot? Not even willing to discuss non resident parent taking all of pensions to compensate for taking a smaller share of the family home.

OP posts:
Ostryga · 22/09/2023 06:32

Definitely instruct a solicitor, but if the house has been adapted for the child this will be taken into consideration by the judge.

The other parent is likely going to have to rent a small house (and work full time!) and the child arrangement order will reflect the suitability of the housing/routine etc.

Can the resident parent afford the family home by themselves? Or will it absolutely have to be sold so both parents can rent?

MintJulia · 22/09/2023 06:43

In the end, the court will see all assets as their financial value and, if not a 'short marriage', will start at a 50:50 split. That includes pensions.

If the resident parent wants to keep the family house, then the other parent will get a larger % of the pensions. What else can they do?

It sounds like the non-res parent needs to work full time, and the resident parent will end up on benefits/carer's allowance.

Mindymomo · 22/09/2023 06:45

Many couples just cannot afford to split up, so stay in same house until a time comes when they can. If your partner wants a house then he needs to get a full time job, most friends I know who have split up can only afford to rent a one bedroom flat, or move back with parents.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 22/09/2023 07:12

NRP needs to get a full time job in the first instance

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:46

The split is based on needs if there aren't enough assets. And a fair split doesn't mean 50/50. You really need legal advice on this. The resident parent is likely to get a bigger share of the pot due to the disabilities and adapted house. A non-resident parent doesn't have to buy and would be expected to rent if can't get a mortgage - and work more hours. It depends on the value of the pensions as to whether it'd be reasonable to split them. If your pension is worth several hundred thousands, you would be unreasonable to not share.

FSTraining · 22/09/2023 13:19

If the resident parent wants to keep the family house, then the other parent will get a larger % of the pensions. What else can they do?

@MintJulia The most likely outcome is that the house gets sold and the pension gets split. Just because the resident parent wants to keep the house doesn't necessarily mean that they can. If:

  1. They can't afford the mortgage on their own (including to remove their ex from the mortgage within a reasonable timeframe of up to maybe 4 years); or

  2. The NRP needs money to at least put a deposit down and furnish a suitable rental.

Then normally the property is sold. It is very rare indeed nowadays that a resident parent would stay in the house even if they cannot afford to buy the other out.

FSTraining · 22/09/2023 13:23

Fourmagpies · 22/09/2023 11:46

The split is based on needs if there aren't enough assets. And a fair split doesn't mean 50/50. You really need legal advice on this. The resident parent is likely to get a bigger share of the pot due to the disabilities and adapted house. A non-resident parent doesn't have to buy and would be expected to rent if can't get a mortgage - and work more hours. It depends on the value of the pensions as to whether it'd be reasonable to split them. If your pension is worth several hundred thousands, you would be unreasonable to not share.

It's quite rare nowadays that the NRP would be expected to rent indefinitely if the other owns. This is more commonly something that happens in a consent order when an NRP hasn't had legal advice rather than when a court decides. The disabled child will be a factor, but both parents are likely to need to accommodate them at some point.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 22/09/2023 14:12

Why is the non resident parent working part-time?

millymollymoomoo · 22/09/2023 16:06

I think people are missing that this is not a normal situation. There is a child with significant needs, with essentially a full time carer, and a house that has been adapted

the assets are highly likely to largely follow them

the nrp ( I’m assuming) can work full time to better their situation but is chosing not to

where there are simply not enough assets the courts will look to ensure this child is a priority

FSTraining · 22/09/2023 16:13

millymollymoomoo · 22/09/2023 16:06

I think people are missing that this is not a normal situation. There is a child with significant needs, with essentially a full time carer, and a house that has been adapted

the assets are highly likely to largely follow them

the nrp ( I’m assuming) can work full time to better their situation but is chosing not to

where there are simply not enough assets the courts will look to ensure this child is a priority

Yes and no. It will depend on all the facts of the case. I don't want to sound insensitive here so I won't discuss further what those facts may be.

millymollymoomoo · 22/09/2023 17:46

Of course it depends on the case
bit people commenting are doing based on ‘normal parameters’ This case on the face of it is not and has a child with significant needs that’s will be considered priority

Original poster
Onestepforwardseveryday · 22/09/2023 22:52

To clarify a few things:
NRP isn’t working full time because they don’t want to. They are adamant that they won’t be working full time at any point as they don’t want to and don’t see why they should have to. They want enough to buy a property and then plan to work very part time to cover food and essential bills.
yes, parent with care (me) can afford the family home on their own but expects the court will want to see a split which is fair. Downsizing might be possible but it won’t raise enough to buy a home and leave ex with enough to buy a home .plus disabled child will struggle until new adaptations can be afforded and done. I am worried about the cost of a solicitor as I don’t have much spare cash to pay them.
Exs pension value is about half the value of the house. I don’t have own pension as foolishly put all my eggs in husbands basket thinking we would be together forever and his employers scheme made better financial sense to invest in. I would happily give up all pension rights to house the children and afford adaptations (getting them through disabled facilities grant will take a long time and be very difficult in the meantime). Previous adaptations were paid for by grant and I think need to be repaid if the house is sold (I need to check this).

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 22/09/2023 23:28

Your ex needs will be assessed on his earning capacity and potential not current earnings. He’ll be expected to maximise income. Likely he’ll be awarded decent chunk of equity to use as deposit and will be expected to get a mortgage. If he chooses not to he’ll be renting

Velvian · 22/09/2023 23:35

Can you do a nesting arrangement where the DC stay in the family home full time and parents go back and forth, depending on contact arrangement?

Is it feasible to create a bit of a granny annexe for one parent to use as their living quarters? Or separate parts of the house with separate entrances?

AngryBirdsNoMore · 22/09/2023 23:37

@millymollymoomoo’s advice is good advice.

Fundamentally, the welfare of the child is the court’s first priority.

Also, the court will look at potential as well as current costs and earnings. If there isn’t enough money to house everyone and NRP can work but is choosing not to, whereas RP cannot work and maintain the child’s needs, it is likely that the court would expect NRP to up their earnings to meet the deficit.

Where there isn’t enough to go around, a clean break is more difficult. So you might be stuck in a financial arrangement with this guy for some time.

Given that your ex sounds pretty intransigent, I would see a lawyer as an investment in your future here, to get the best result for you and your kids. Some family barristers and family solicitors do ‘packages’ so that there are minimal unexpected costs - maybe worth contacting a few and asking.

Do not give up on his pension just because he doesn’t want to talk about it. If a share of the pension is what is best for the kids and equitable for you, it’s only reasonable that you pursue it - and personally, I’d want a lawyer to do this as pensions can be complicated.

Good luck OP, and sorry your ex sounds very difficult.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 22/09/2023 23:38

Velvian · 22/09/2023 23:35

Can you do a nesting arrangement where the DC stay in the family home full time and parents go back and forth, depending on contact arrangement?

Is it feasible to create a bit of a granny annexe for one parent to use as their living quarters? Or separate parts of the house with separate entrances?

My parents had a nesting arrangement. It was incredibly shit for everyone.

I think it could only work in the event of a very amicable divorce.

ClifftopView · 22/09/2023 23:44

Are you and your partner able to live together? If so, would it be possible to run a household together, have separate rooms and lives, but house share? Then you can stay in the same home and make minimal changes financially and for the children.

Is a nesting arrangement possible? Especially as the home is equipped for the child with additional needs.

If this can't be managed then it might just be necessary to split the assets, sell the house, and make the best of it for both parties, if an agreement can't be reached. The NRP might want to work part time but that might not be viable for this time.

caringcarer · 22/09/2023 23:44

MintJulia · 22/09/2023 06:43

In the end, the court will see all assets as their financial value and, if not a 'short marriage', will start at a 50:50 split. That includes pensions.

If the resident parent wants to keep the family house, then the other parent will get a larger % of the pensions. What else can they do?

It sounds like the non-res parent needs to work full time, and the resident parent will end up on benefits/carer's allowance.

I think this is what will happen. If non resident parent gets nothing from house because disabled child needs to live there then they'll probably get most of joint pensions to balance out equity.

YellowDots · 23/09/2023 05:43

Are you in a situation where you are never going to be able to work? If so I would consider nesting even if it might be shit as you are really getting yourself into a difficult situation otherwise with no way of digging yourself out of it.

Original poster
Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/09/2023 08:13

nesting is not going to be an option, nor is living separately in the same property.
the marriage is breaking up for very good reasons and I don’t want to be sharing space with my ex. It will not be good for my mental health and will impact on my parenting.
not to mention that our history suggests that I would end up paying all of the bills and my ex would contribute nothing.
I can’t afford to pay for the family home and a separate place for myself when it is their turn to be in the family home. Nor am I prepared to spend the next 15 years living with another adult who doesn’t contribute his share towards the bills. That money is needed for my children.
A clean break is needed for everyone’s sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/09/2023 08:15

I’m going to have to bite the bullet and get some solid legal advice I think. No idea how I will pay for it at this current time though.

OP posts:
ClifftopView · 23/09/2023 08:51

Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/09/2023 08:13

nesting is not going to be an option, nor is living separately in the same property.
the marriage is breaking up for very good reasons and I don’t want to be sharing space with my ex. It will not be good for my mental health and will impact on my parenting.
not to mention that our history suggests that I would end up paying all of the bills and my ex would contribute nothing.
I can’t afford to pay for the family home and a separate place for myself when it is their turn to be in the family home. Nor am I prepared to spend the next 15 years living with another adult who doesn’t contribute his share towards the bills. That money is needed for my children.
A clean break is needed for everyone’s sake.

I this case, if there is only one way, you are going to have to seek legal advice and probably divide assets and just make the most of it.

StrictlyJowita · 23/09/2023 10:44

I this case, if there is only one way, you are going to have to seek legal advice and probably divide assets and just make the most of it.

Me too. There is no point in dragging it out if you have decided you need a complete fresh start.

One of my friends has just gone through a similar divorce. Her dh had an affair and left her with four young dc, two special needs.

Her ex wanted half of the equity if she wanted to stay in the house which was £30,000. She sold her car and her mum sold her flat and moved in with her so they could give him thirty grand. Which he spent on himself and then gave up work so he didn't have to pay any child support.

Original poster
Onestepforwardseveryday · 23/09/2023 17:20

Thank you for all the replies.
yes, I am more than willing to divide assets and make the best that I can. Realistically I need more than 50% of the equity as I can’t really rent due to needing adaptations to a property. I can make do without adaptations for a few months but I will need them especially as children only get bigger and heavier.
I can give up all the pension money if it means I can get enough of the equity to buy a smaller suitable property.
exs idea of 50:50 on equity and him keeping all the pension money, I don’t feel is fair.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 23/09/2023 21:30

That is totally not fair
its also totally not will be awarded if end up in court