Insufficient assets, what happens next

[Onestepforwardseveryday]

Chances are we won’t agree on a financial split as there just isn’t enough money available to adequately house everyone.
Parent who is going to be resident parent is unlikely to be able to work due to child’s significant disabilities and lack of childcare which is suitable. Family house was adapted to meet child’s disability needs.
other parent will need to be housed and wants a property big enough to have children stay over etc. can’t raise a mortgage due to credit problems and currently only working very part time and not earning enough to secure a mortgage.
I know this could drag on for a long time and it would be better if we could agree a split but what is a fair split when there isn’t enough money in the pot? Not even willing to discuss non resident parent taking all of pensions to compensate for taking a smaller share of the family home.

I know it isn’t fair and I won’t agree to it. My concern is that if we have to let the court make the decision it will drag on for several years and in the meantime I am stuck living with somebody who I really can’t stand, has been verbally abusive and I will be paying 100% of the bills and watching him eat the food that I buy for me and the kids. He will contribute nothing but angst.
I really feel that I am stuck in a no win situation. If it wasn’t for my child’s disability I would find a way to move out into a rental property with the kids but that would not be fair on my child as he wouldn’t have what he requires to meet his physical needs. And private rentals are not always a stable option. I can’t risk moving and then having to move again due to rent increases or section21 eviction etc.
I feel trapped.

Ah gosh I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're at least taking the steps to separate from your ex as they don't sound like a great person. You and your child deserve better. I can't really be of much help here aside from maybe sharing this link with you that might help you with dividing assets and making sure you and your child get a fair amount as you will be caring for the child. https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/
I think you can also make an order for staying in the house until the child is 18 which might help as the house is specifically adapted to their needs which will be difficult to find elsewhere. I think it's called a 'property order' or something like that. An 'occupation order'? I typed this to see if I could find anything on this website. If it helps, have a look through if you can find anything else as I'm not sure what it's called https://iamlip.com/?s=property+order

Thank you. I will work my way through the links. We have more than one child, but only one is disabled. I have thought about the orders that allow you to stay in the house until the youngest child is 18 but my H is being so truly awful that I’m not sure I could cope with being financially tied to him for so long. And my child will still be disabled at 18 and it will be even more difficult to move with him at that stage.
at the moment I can only see that I am going to be stuck here paying for everything for the next few years whilst my ex lives here and pays for nothing and makes no attempt to improve his income so he can pay for anything.

I don't think they will automatically factor in whether he can buy again or not either- if there is enough assets in the pot for him to be able to rent initially , then that will be considered too.

Citizens advice? There are some very knowledgeable people there who can hopefully help. Xx

Can you turn the house into two flats? Child with needs on ground floor?

Good luck everyone??

Wrong thread?

@Onestepforwardseveryday you really need to get some legal advice

Yes, I was reading Premium Bonds. So sorry

I've reported myself in the hope the incorrect post is deleted

Glad you're seeking legal advice. In the meantime buy some locks and lock away the food you buy so he can't eat it.

Be very careful in giving up pension. How will you support yourself in old age? Will you be able to work again at some point?

They might decide he has to rent initially but the question will have to be answered as to how long that is for and what percentage of the equity or other assets he will receive on sale to make things fair. If these factors are not considered then he would have grounds to appeal at even more expense to both parties.

Also, there are risks in continuing to occupy the FMH if the person in it is not considered able to afford it on their own:

1. The NRP is unlikely to be ordered to contribute to the mortgage and could refuse to fix the mortgage again when the term expires, forcing the RP onto a higher standard variable rate (especially the case where they are subject to a best endeavours clause to release the other); or

2. If dependent on the NRP to pay the mortgage, the NRP might quit their job to make the mortgage unaffordable and force a repossession (unlikely over a short period but if the NRP is looking at over a decade unable to get a mortgage or have access to their capital, this can be the lesser of two financial evils for them).

You mean your ex doesn't want to work full time to avoid having to paid a decent amount of maintenance.

50/50 on equity and pension sharing is fair. Does your stbxh agree 50/50 with DC? If so I think that's what a court might give him. If DC spends most of their time with you and he just wants every other weekend and one overnight midweek then you'll likely be given more that 50 percent equity but not a lot more maybe 55 Percent and Pension share. Would 55 Percent of equity give you enough to buy a smaller home and get it adapted for disabled child? If not you could trade your entitlement to share his pension for more equity. If he's not going to do 50/50 with childcare then he'll have to pay you child maintenance for DC. I know it's in the distant future ATM OP but when your disabled DC reaches 18 they can claim UC, disability allowance as part of UC and maybe ESA too, as well as still getting PIP and mobility allowance. Disability payments for people with genuine long term disabilities is actually quite generous. I have a foster child and he is now 17 1/2. He has long term disabilities and his SW came last week and started telling him and us about all these things he will be entitled too at 18 and we thought it was quite generous given he'll carry on living with us anyway as he couldn't cope living alone and he'll get a housing allowance he can pay to us towards his food as our foster allowance will end.

Have you tried asking for advice from Contact? They might be able to help with advice pertaining to meeting the needs of a disabled child during divorce - or point you to a charity that can.

https://contact.org.uk/

Worst case scenario is 50/50, which would mean 50% of all assets or if he wanted to keep his pension intact and it's roughlu 50% of the equity value in the house then you'd get roughly 75% of the equity in the house. He'll never get what he wants and unless there's an actual reason like disability or chronic illness he cannot work full time the court will expect him to get a job. Wikivorce is supposed to be good for UK advice. I think there's some information linked at the top of the divorce forum too.

I'd save up to see a lawyer if you can to get some basic advice at least, but you can self represent in court if necessary. I get how impossible that can feel, earlier this year even telling emotionally abusive stbxh I was done seemed completely impossible and terrifying. Now he's out, though still messing with my mind and emptions, but he's not always there at least. I expect we'll end up in court because his idea of reasonable and fair just isn't, but as scary as that is at least there's someone aka the judge at the end of that fight that he actually HAS to listen to.

Unfortunately it's a mistake to think someone HAS to listen to a judge. Reams and reams of posts on this site show it is not necessarily over once there are court orders in place, unless it is a clean break case (including no ongoing child maintenance, court ordered or statutory). It's just as likely that someone subject to an order that they don't like will try and undermine the order than that they will follow it. For example:

1. An order that keeps one person in the family home. Can be undermined through declaring bankruptcy or quitting work to reduce CMS and make it impossible for the resident parent to keep up mortgage payments. On the flip side, can be undermined by failing to get an ex off a mortgage or failing to put the property up for sale in line with the order.

2. Spousal maintenance. Can be undermined by refusing to work (or refusing to work full time). A court cannot force someone to work. Enforcement of spousal maintenance is only worth pursuing if there is money available to pay the maintenance. On the flip side, can be abused by making insufficient effort to improve earnings and then applying for an extension (although the courts have cracked down on this since Wright v Wright).

3. Child maintenance. Can be undermined by going self employed, using opaque structures to hide income, putting more income into a pension etc. On the flip side, can attempt to restrict access to children in order to get more maintenance.

4. Child arrangement orders. Resident parents can often breach them with very little sanction. I think the court's success rate of enforcement of CAOs is about 1%.

Unfortunately, if you have a shitty ex and you remain tied to them, they can carry on being shitty until there is a clean break. If you put all your faith in the court system, prepare to be disappointed.

Fortunately I am currently self sufficient. I am paying for everything that me and the kids need. All household bills, mortgage and food costs etc.
i definitely want a clean break order. He is the type that will not work so that he can undermine a court order and not pay maintenance for his kids. He already isn’t paying anything and has been costing me money by using gas, electric, water and food that I am paying for. He thinks our child’s DLA is part of the household budget and should be shared with him even though he hasn’t ever purchased anything related to our child’s disability. Prior to getting DLA we agreed to purchase some private treatment for our child and he was supposed to cover the cost (as he was working at that point and earning a reasonable amount). He didn’t pay anything towards it, I got left struggling to pay the bill even though I had argued that we couldn’t afford it and should wait on NHS.
so only a clean break is a sensible option. I can’t be relying on somebody like him to do the right thing for the next decade.
thank you to everyone for the advice. It is likely to go all the way to court for a financial order so nothing is likely to happen soon to split the assets.
goodness knows how I am going to mentally cope for the next however many years whilst living in the same house as him knowing that I am paying for everything whilst he behaves like a complete beast and is enjoying the lifestyle that I am paying for!

Good luck with that. When I was in that situation I carried on paying a flat amount into the family budget. I kept bonuses and pay rises for myself (although I always thought it was a case of spend it or lose it, so the kids did well out of that until I could leave the FMH!). It meant I was paying enough for the household to be maintained but no more than that.

You may find that once the process is going that he realises what the outcome is going to be (ie at least 50:50 and probably more in your favour).

In your shoes I'd suggest he consults his own solicitor as they may mean that he sees sense earlier rather than later.