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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Stbxh spent all savings during divorce

40 replies

Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 12:27

My stbxh has spent all of our savings during our divorce. I thought I’d get half as detailed in our agreement but my solicitor is saying no! How is this fair, baring in mind I have spent £31 k and counting so far in a battle because he won’t let me have half. We earned the same pay as both same profession and grade and I contributed half. I’m broken as will hardly be leaving with anything as this rate since we are still battling 2 years on from divorce proceedings starting. Please help 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 12:29

Also forgot to add that he kept the car that I am supposedly getting half of but it was less than a year old before divorce started. He has crashed it twice and not got it repaired and again, I am only entitled to half of it’s current state! How is this fair?

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 19/09/2023 12:31

It's not fair. Ask for it to be accounted for in the divorce settlement so that you'll get the equivalent amount in other assets.

Go straight to court for a final hearing. The judge will be fair. Your ex won't.

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 12:46

I can’t afford to go to court. The solicitor said I agreed to the divorce settlement. I did agree to half of savings and half the value of the car. Apparently there is nothing I can do. I didn’t know he had spent the savings. I didn’t know he had crashed the car twice and it’s worth less than I thought when I agreed to half. I wanted half from the start and no more as I’m a fair person who contributed half and therefore deserve half. He started off with an offer for 30% to me. Of course I refused and after a year and a half of negotiations he finally agreed to 50 % but he has done that knowing he spent all of our £40 000 savings and damaged the car. I feel like I have nothing and I am worried about being able to house myself and my children.

OP posts:
flipent · 19/09/2023 12:49

If he's spent £40k and you've spent £31k you're down £9k?

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:23

flipent · 19/09/2023 12:49

If he's spent £40k and you've spent £31k you're down £9k?

Yes! He went down to part time in the hope of getting more out of the divorce but has been told that won’t stand up in court as the judge is likely to say he has the ability to earn the same as me. He has spent it on his legal fees and an expensive holiday for himself and our children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:25

So I have basically paid his legal fees!

OP posts:
flipent · 19/09/2023 13:30

I'm confused - you've also funded the legal fees from the joint savings? So why is he wrong to have done that but you're not?

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:31

flipent · 19/09/2023 12:49

If he's spent £40k and you've spent £31k you're down £9k?

Sorry I misunderstood. He spent all of our £40 k savings on his legal fees plus a fancy holiday for himself and our children along with subsidising his living costs which his part time job doesn’t cover his living costs whilst I got loans to pay the £31 k I have spent on my legal fees so far. So in effect I have spent £31 k plus £20 k for his legal fees, etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:31

I haven’t touched our savings

OP posts:
flipent · 19/09/2023 13:35

That absolutely shouldn't be allowed or possible.
Did he have sole access to your joint savings?

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:35

He has only just agreed to me having half since our divorce started 2 years ago. But I thought I was getting half of our savings and the car as they were worth when we did out form e’s almost two years ago. I didn’t realise he could spend all of our savings so I won’t get any and damage the car, not get it fixed so it’s worth less so I get less. I have been had by him and my solicitor and now all I have is half of our house minus the £31 k I owe due to legal fees.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/09/2023 13:38

How did he have sole access to savings? Why did you just leave the savings there?

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 13:38

Yes he did as I trusted they were safe! I thought I would get half of what was in our savings when we did form e. I even paid through the nose for a good solicitor but I don’t know why I bothered.

OP posts:
StamppotAndGravy · 19/09/2023 14:08

Surely if that's the deal he gets half of your debt too. Otherwise it sounds like you can't afford not to go to court

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 14:12

That’s what I said to the solicitor! It was going to court since he refused to let me have half but two weeks ago he agreed. I didn’t realise it meant half of what is left of our savings and car. I assumed half of what it was when we did form e. Apparently nothing I can do as I agreed to half.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/09/2023 15:14

That doesn’t sound legal to me

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 19/09/2023 15:22

What has your solicitor said about it, has he confirmed that this is all legal and correct, that its today's figures not 50% of form E figures?

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 16:17

Well I was surprised as this is what happened to my brother-in-law. His ex wife had what she spent deducted from her 50/50 share. I frel
shafted BIg time.

OP posts:
Mumsanetta · 19/09/2023 16:20

That doesn’t sound right. I would ask your solicitor to revisit their advice and get input from a partner at the law firm as your ex has been negotiating in bad faith.

offtherecord · 19/09/2023 16:25

sounds like what i am up against too, it isn't fair. you put trust in the legal profession and they also let you down.
lies and deception pays dividends. lying husbands use the court system to continue their abuse. i suppose some women do it too. if your an honest person prepare to be used.
the system allows it too.
my ex went over 12 months ago, since then he has lied about everything so far, but because he says its the truth its up to us to then pay more money finding the actual truth out, there is no recourse for bad behaviour or lying. it really is a broken system, yet when we do speak the truth we are expected to go to the end of the earth to prove it is the truth but the liar only has to say it.

Cherrylily7 · 19/09/2023 16:36

I feel for you so much. The law does not protect you unless you can afford sky high solicitors and barristers fees.
I got ripped off hugely in my divorce by an ex-husband who was financially and emotionally abusive
He had already had £60k from me during our marriage for his debts and cars plus I paid the vast majority of all the bills.
The home we lived in had been mine long before we got married and I had also recently paid for a new bathroom and kitchen plus made an overpayment on the mortgage of £50k.
This was all money I got in a settlement from my employer when I had to retire due to permanent ill health so supposed to keep me secure for the rest of my life.
Ex husband had even signed a declaration of trust on our marriage stating that he had no claim on my house.
Despite all this plus the fact that he had caused the divorce by a year long affair with my supposed best friend he still demanded more in the divorce and because I could not afford the enormous legal costs involved I had to settle
The law is not accessible to most people so bullies and thieves like these scumbags can get away with whatever they like
I am so sorry you are going through this
I would never get married again and turned down a subsequent proposal because I would never risk going through that sort if financial loss again

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 16:38
  • feel
OP posts:
EmmW14 · 19/09/2023 18:26

Just in case, I wanted to ask - had he spent every penny or just majority of the savings? I read here that you put apply for a freezing order to stop your partner from destroying/ depleting/hiding etc marital assets. So although it might not be a lot, if you still have a couple thousand left in savings you might be able to save that. I read it here - https://iamlip.com/financial-terms-financial-court-orders-explained/ I’m not an expert though, just read this and thought this could maybe help you.
The rest of the website may be able to help you with what else you can do/continuing your divorce yourself etc if the solicitor is getting too expensive xxx. Hope this can help x http://iamlip.com/

Financial Terms & Financial Court Orders Explained

Financial Terms & Financial Court Orders Explained - I AM L.I.P

https://iamlip.com/financial-terms-financial-court-orders-explained/

Original poster
Stepbystepfan · 19/09/2023 18:34

EmmW14 · 19/09/2023 18:26

Just in case, I wanted to ask - had he spent every penny or just majority of the savings? I read here that you put apply for a freezing order to stop your partner from destroying/ depleting/hiding etc marital assets. So although it might not be a lot, if you still have a couple thousand left in savings you might be able to save that. I read it here - https://iamlip.com/financial-terms-financial-court-orders-explained/ I’m not an expert though, just read this and thought this could maybe help you.
The rest of the website may be able to help you with what else you can do/continuing your divorce yourself etc if the solicitor is getting too expensive xxx. Hope this can help x http://iamlip.com/

Thank you for your help. There is less than £2 left

OP posts:
peanutbutterkid · 19/09/2023 18:41

Can OP have an order for 'costs' included in the divorce settlement, then her debt becomes his problem, too.