Anyone run out of money and represented themselves?

[DivorceWillBeTheDeathOfMe]

My divorce has been dragging on for more than 18 months and I have spent £25k on solicitors so far. I am absolutely at the end of the line - financially, emotionally, everything.

I have another bill due any day which I know will be c£5,000 and I absolutely, simply do not have the money. People keep saying "it's only money". or "it will be worth it in the end", or "you can't let him win" and honestly nobody seems to have a clue what I am going through.

I am due t go to court next week and after that, assuming we can't agree, I am thinking I should termiinate my solicitor and represent myself. I literally don't know where to begin. Is it do-able?

Not sure but my fees were similar and the solicitor toom a charge on my house and took it.from proceeds of sale.

How much did you end up spending on legal fees :(

I'm taking a pause with legal representation. Well, I've disengaged as the costs were too high and the back & forth I realised, I could do myself. Basically, his side aren't moving much and I fail to see how me spending £1,250 + a month is an investment. So until they come up with an offer, or reply to my offer, I'm staying unrepresented. I do have someone in mind who I'll use when the time comes though.

Are you really disconnected in settlement figures?
what are you not agreeing on?
you have to weigh up the cost vs likely settlement disparity and whether a judge might reasonable award you that, as well as the mental toll it takes

you can represent yourself but if you have a complicated or high net worth case I personally wouldn’t. If it’s simple arguing over a house then probably would

Everyone keeps telling me "if you spend another £5k to get another £10k it's worth it". But it doesn't feel worth it because I now have £30k on credit cards, and almost my etire dispoable income is going on repayments. I can't see a way out. I am at my limit of borrowing.

The case is, or should be, simple. I have an average wage and literally nothing else. He is se;f-emplyoyed with lots of accounts, investments, lots of money having moved around, so his side is complicated and I think that is what has taken the time gathering information.

How far apart are you in terms of offers? Or are you not even at the point yet if understanding what the pot is?

We now know the pot and are submitting an offer today. He made me an offer months ago but we did not know alot of the financial information so refused it.

It will come down to how disconnected you are and how much it will cost to try to close the gap ( and whether it’s reasonable/fair to)

Well. He wants me to walk away with nothing so potentially a fair old way to go.

Hmm well that does seem slightly disconnected.
but difficult to know without understanding your personal situation.
has your solicitor advised what a fair outcome range might look like ?

Op i know exactly whatu going through. Im 50k in deep with solicitors and have more bills ahead. My ex is a lying narcassist. 3. 5 years and still not had fdr. Im divorcing a man who is part of a business which means his family are intervenors. Long long story but im also at whits end. Im so so so exhausted with it all but have to pretend im ok. Iv lost everything. If i wrote my story noone would believe it. I hate my ex and dont recognise the person he has become. Huge hugs op. I know Exactly how u feel.

I mean iv spent 50k so far and have more bills ahead. I have a great legal team but they charge crazy amounts. Not sure how much longeri can keep paying bills. Why the hell the courts dont recognise the abuse a narcassist ex imposes makes me so mad. My ex has money to burn where as i am on minimum wage and rely on family paying legal bills. So wrong

It's 100% possible to do it yourself. I had the same issue and know so many others who couldn't afford to keep going with their solicitors. The cost is just so high its insane. I don't know how its allowed. Using a solicitor was not a possibility so I used whatever resources I could find online. See if any of these can help you - I joined a bunch of facebook divorce groups and asked questions there when I needed it which was actually helpful. I also used this online resource - https://www.iamlip.com/ which is a bunch of free help guides that take you through the entire process. It was so much easier for me to do everything using these. You can even use the help guides alongside your solicitor to cut costs by doing some of it yourself e.g. filling out specific forms, if you still want to use a solicitor too.
Hope this can help you and anyone else here who might need them.

Sounds awful OP. MN make out like marriage offers financial security to a women but is marriage even worth it if divorce will cost you your life savings.
Can someone please explain to me why it costs some people so much money?
My friend got divorced and it cost her nothing as when her husband left she was on maternity leave and had no assets.

Why has it cost you £50k? Sorry if this is an ignorant comment but what would happen if you didn't pay anything?

itnis almost impossible to understand what divorcing a narcissist is. I am so sorry you are going through this.

thank you for this - really useful. I am a fairly clever woman so I feel confident I could maybe give it a go!

I'm so sorry - I can completely relate. As the poster above says, many people don't understand what it's like divorcing a narcissist. The lies that he's told about me, the way he's treated our children, the people he's turned against me. It's just breaking me. I have days when I can barely get out of bed. And people think they are helping by saying it's not about having a big house, or it's only money, but they don't consider that I am losing my home, my income, my credit rating, losing sleep over debts and costs etc. It's really soul-destroying.

It has cost me 50 k in solicitor , barrister,forensic accountants,valuer fees. Im divorcing a man who is part of a rural family business and its costing me thousands. Its a nightmare. Solicitors cost a fortune but iv no choice but to use them as my case is very complicated (farming)

Same I spent £50k getting a financial order and then another £15k getting the order enforced as he didn't comply with it .

I think I would try and do everything myself if I had to do it again. In the end it was me chasing up the courts etc...

I put it all on credit cards and swapped between 0% deals. Was very tricky. Also I negotiated with HMRC to defer paying tax for property income they were really good when I explained the domestic abuse.

Good luck xx

I found Dummies guide to divorce very useful, itt gave me a basis to negotiate my settlement. I must admit having an ex who was thick as mince regarding money really helped.

Lawyers provide you with experience, expertise and objectivity. Looking at what still needs to be done you need to assess how much of that will you continue to need.

If you are confident that you know what is in the pot then the next stage is defining needs and establishing how much of that need should be funded from the pot and how it should be funded. A good solicitor should by now have given you the advice to be confident of where you stand and what risks there are in your case and statement of need. You should also have a good understanding of what his needs are and how these should be funded.

Lawyers will be mindful of a lot of exceptions to the norms lay people assume about entitlements in a divorce. The most common norm is the entitlement to 50% of everything. That can be the case but certain factors can mean a divorcee ends up with a lot more or less than that. Hopefully your solicitor will have made you aware of this and how it pertains to your case.

The objectivity factor can be important when it comes to responding or presenting your case. In court if your are litigating in person you will get a lot of latitude in relation to expertise and emotions. That being said it takes a lot of resilience to keep opening letters, to keep providing factual replies and to be clear and concise when presenting your case in court. The simpler your case the easier this will be to do.

I do think a reasonable person with informed expectations should be able to make their case and put forward rational challenges where needed. Try to find a cool headed person to help you remain objective in replying to letters and when present in court.

Gosh it must be nice to just follow guides & do it yourself. I truly wanted to do that but could not get my head around the steps. No matter how much I read I kept getting confused. Didn't help that the names of different steps changed in ... (?2022), but most of what I read was about the old jargon. And all the guidelines were about how to use a solicitor and dividing pensions and other aspects that didn't apply. It was like being handled an assembly manual for a 747, and told I had to read all that and take exams on it, when all I actually needed was a spade & a plan where to put roses in my garden. I needed a flowchart that explained the sequence of steps and template documents, neither of which could I find.

Anyway, Daft question... what if you didn't do anything with the crazy almost xH. Suppose you have the rich stbXH who dragged feet and wouldn't do anything about dividing assets or being honest about their assets. Could you just shrug & say "sure, I'll go live in rented accommodation & not ask you for a penny now and have nothing to do with you again while you're alive. But when you die, I'll get every penny of your wealth."

This is Assuming you had enough to support yourself/dependents, you could manage without their wealth. So tell me why that do-nothing strategy could never work.

It’s a nice idea but for me that strategy wouldn’t work for many reasons. The court won’t grant the divorce until the financial order has been granted. I need our house to sell as I can’t afford it. He changed his will so I would get nothing oh and we still live together so all in all that simple
Strategy is not for me!

This made me laugh, thank you for this!