Being screwed

[Click101]

Married with kids. (19B,18B,16G). Husband had an affair and left. Going through divorce. I’ve not worked in 25 years as we’d decided I would be the housewife and mother whilst he became the breadwinner and provider. I have zero savings of my own as we were blissfully happy with plans for retirement and moving and travelling etc. We’re both in our 50’s. Our sons are devastated as well as my daughter but really affecting our middle child. He’s not paid proper maintenance over the last year so it’s been a struggle. Now he’s offering I keep house and sell to pay off mortgage and keep equity to buy a house. I might be left after all that with £100k. He’s offered a monthly £2k income award for 2 years mainly for children and part pension. He earns around 450k and bonuses a year and I have very limited earning potential. Courts are not being helpful. Anyone been in similar situation? What was the outcome? Limited resources so can’t really afford too much legal advice as already in debt to friends. Getting very worried and anxious.

He's trying to keep you away from your share of his pension/investments which are almost certainly 1mil+ on that salary.

How can I find out. Current information shared only shows a build up of 450k. Can’t see any investments

Have you both exchanged a Form E financial disclosure? You can fill this in yourself but you swear it’s true. You can then ask for any gaps.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-e-financial-statement-for-a-financial-order-matrimonial-causes-act-1973-civil-partnership-act-2004-for-financial-relief-after-an-overseas link to form e

My dad left my mum and was going to pay her off with 300k. She went to court and ended up with over a million in pension pay out. She had to be a stay at home mum as we moved every few years for my dad's work. Find a good solicitor and get what you deserve

You will want him to provide evidence of (min 12 months):

1. cash accounts
2. savings accounts
3. investment accounts (pensions, ISAs). He should have a pension pot for each job he has had. He may well have a personal sipp.
4. Life insurance
5. He should also disclose any debt (as should you)
6. Get a valuation of the house - are you joint tenants or tenants in common? If you don’t know then ask to see legal docs for house.

Ask for statements before you separated to check he didn’t spend lots of your joint money or transfer it to family or friends to hold for him.

With this fact pattern, you have everything to gain from being more formal / getting some legal advice and he has everything to lose. I appreciate legal fees are expensive but if he really earns £450k the assets built up during your marriage will be worth the investment. You can get a free consult, you can mix and match and only use a solicitor where necessary. If it’s acrimonious and definitely going by courts consider going direct to a barrister (instead of both solicitor and barrister).

With his earnings u will get a decent big payout. His pension share alone must be massive. Ur entitled to half of everything. Get urself a gd solicitor and fight for everything. Assuming the bill comes at the end and Ul have funds to pay for it. Getting a decent solicitor will pay for itself 10 times over from what ur dh is offering!

Normal financial activity of a high earner like that would be to put a huge amount in pension pot & maximum in ISA and maybe other investments. Do you roughly know the running costs of your household/husbands spending?

With 450k coming in + bonuses would be strange not to be putting aside 100k-200k every year. If he's been earning at anything like this rate for 10+ years then he should have a sizeable amount.

If he's been a high earner for two decades or so, he would probably have a lot more than the 450k sum of savings you mention. That seems very limited. What is it in? Although perhaps your lifestyle is v expensive/he spends a lot? Is he someone who fritters away money?

More likely I'd say is you don't have the full picture of his savings/pension. Although I do see you mention briefly he has offered part pension - how much is that?

As others have said, a solicitor will be well worth the investment...

You need an experienced family solicitor who specializes in divorce of high net worth individuals.

Plus a forensic accountant. Your solicitor will advise.

With so much at stake, legal firms will be prepared to wait for fees to come from final or interim payouts,

Do NOT try to do this on your own or on the cheap!

Thanks for advice. He has been a high spender in the past and never showed payslips or disclosed finances. Claiming he had no money now! My issue is that I have no money for a solicitor but I also think he has not fully disclosed all his savings. I feel between a rock and a hard place as judge said if we go back to court the next judge may not give me anything better!
how much is a forensic so if accountant?

You have never seen his payslips?

His savings are your savings! Definitely find a better solicitor who specialises in this type of thing

What stage of the process are you at now?

Is he having a laugh?!!! OMG girl get some legal advice and don't be screwed. You gave up a career to look after HIS children too. No more Ms nice guy I reckon - its for your children's future, look at it like that if its makes it easier. If he is frivolous, its down to you to protect what you are entitled to ie. half of everything including pension. Time to get a decent lawyer!

It works both ways but if you have a mortgage on the property you aren't getting the good end of the deal. Before he gets more dependents too, you need to get the ball rolling quickly! Good luck, there's lots of support out there.

You need lawyers who are used to dealing with slippery liars. Maybe have a look here and give them a call.
https://vardags.com/faq/divorce/unable-to-pay-legal-fees

Went to court last week. He fabricated and stretched truth and added personal things where I filled in everything correctly. He changed offer after my barrister mentioned he was having an affair but like I said only to expend if keeping the house but selling and keeping proceeding after mortgage is paid. No assistance after 2 years. Only half of pension which is not showing much as he’s purposely not put much in it.

He’s a high earner and you have a long marriage so you’re likely to come away with half or more of all assets
however you’re also likely going to be expected to. also have to work - what are you doing about that ?

Gosh I am sorry. I feel for your children and for you. Its so hard on the children - I've seen first-hand what its like. Definitely use the resources the other commenters have suggested, the government website is helpful to access what you need. Follow the other commenters' advice. Also in terms of affording a solicitor, see if this can help - https://www.iamlip.com/ it has a bunch of free help guides that can guide you through the whole process. If you feel you need the solicitor though I heard some people used both these help guides and a solicitor so they can reduce costs and do some of it themselves.
Sending so much love to you and your kids. Hugs x

I hope you get a decent payout Op.

Was this the FDR, op? How can he get away with not disclosing all payslips etc? What is your barrister’s opinion? Did they not insist on a forensic accountant to investigate his finances? It’s odd he has so little to show for his £450k salary if he’s been on this a long time. Seems suspicious. Are you sure there isn’t a second pension which has not been disclosed?

why is there only £100k of equity in the house if he's on £450k pa?

Something doesn't add up here.

What's your financial/housing situation been for the last 25 years OP?

There’s no way that a man in his 50s who earns £450k has only £450k in his pension and £100k equity in the house.

Anyone who earns that kind of money has been maxing out their pension for years and will have substantial savings and investments.

why are you not claiming child maintenance for your 16 year old @Click101 ? You will only get an award based on £3,000 per week / £156k per year of his earnings . But once you have that you can go to court for a top up award for the other £294k.

Your barrister doesn’t sound very good.

Ok i am personally a big feminist because my dad did that to my mum and I decided at 12 I would never be financially independent on a man and everything would be Rosie.

But now I see that if one parent earns all the money and the other raises the kids and looks after the house to enable that working one to merrily leave the house and have a day dealing with a different type of labour; then that salary they earn for that time, I think is both of yours.

I have a blended family and my now husband ensured his ex wife has always had a fair share and still pays crazy sums of maintenance. My first chimpanzee reaction was secretly "urgh that's not fair" but that was based on my dad and my ex totally cutting all my finances and making me suffer. In my rational mind it's the right thing to do because the ex wife did mainly raise the kids and look after him so that he could build his career and achieve a good salary. He could not have got there without her unless he was just a single man with no kids.

So basically I have no helpful legal advice but my passionate feminism means I've got my grab bag, I gave weapons and ammunition and I'm heading over to fight this war with you. We will fight him on the beaches. We will protect the kids and get you to a safe and secure lifestyle. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING CAR KEYS CUS IM COMING.

Ok useless ally here reporting for duty and also sending hugs and cups of tea...

I’m m answer to a lot of question.

We did get payslips eventually and pension statement but Kitching else. No investment info. He’s making out he wants to retire early so won’t have money.

he’s made up lies about our life and kids life.

The equity in house is about 650 after mortgage paid off but I have to use that for another house so only ge left with 100k.

How much would it cost to get a forensic accountant?

So you'd have £650k pot after you sold the house, of which you'd keep 100% and you want to spend £550k on a mortgagw free house with £100k savings?

That does kind of change things from your original post.

You could buy a smaller house and have more in savings. Then you could buy an annuity, create an investment portfolio and get a part time job to supplement your income. Given you're in your 50s this is perfectly reasonable.